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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still be hurting over this?

33 replies

MumboNo4 · 08/07/2021 23:05

Bit of back story. Brother and his fiancee have an extremely volatile relationship. His fiancee loves to involve my family and create as much drama as possible. My brother loves the drama too, but doesn't involve other people.

Anyway, I've had to block her multiple times on social media, WhatsApp, etc. She's extremely abusive and vile and I've forgiven her for being nasty to me a few times, but eventually had enough.

Last summer I was pregnant with my first. She called me from a private number and told me she hopes my baby dies. I was distraught.

I have health anxiety, which I seem to have projected onto my son. Every-so-often I worry about him getting ill and something awful happening, and her words pop into my head.....

I feel angry that someone could wish my beautiful little boy dead. To top it off, my brother is back with her despite how she has abused me and my family.

I know this must seem so trivial, it's only words after all. I just can't get passed it, I'm so angry.

I don't want to be angry anymore, but I can't help it.

OP posts:

AFS1 · 08/07/2021 23:22

That’s a horrible thing to say. I would never forgive someone who said that to me either.

No constructive advice, I’m afraid, but you’re absolutely not unreasonable to still feel angry.

Original poster

MumboNo4 · 08/07/2021 23:27

@AFS1 thank you ❤❤

OP posts:

Raaaaaaarr · 08/07/2021 23:30

I could never get past someone saying that and your reaction feels pretty normal to me. I couldn't be in contact with someone like that. It's a pretty appalling thing to say.

DismantledKing · 08/07/2021 23:32

That’s a fucking awful thing to say to someone.
I’d never want to speak to them again.

OliviaNewtAndJohn · 08/07/2021 23:34

Horrible. I would never see her again, and I hope you told your brother about her vile call. She sounds toxic, and this is not ‘drama’ this is abusive. What does he see in her?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/07/2021 23:35

Yes that's vile. I cant ever think of a situation in which anyone with an ounce of decency would say that, even to their worst enemy.
Some things are just unforgivable whatever the circumstances and this is one of them

Flowers500 · 08/07/2021 23:36

I wouldn’t have a relationship with him when he decides to be with her. He is making a decision to facilitate her abuse of his family. You should never be expected to get past that.

Dragongirl10 · 08/07/2021 23:40

YANBU, she is seriously deranged, vicious cow

pigsDOfly · 08/07/2021 23:41

It most certainly isn't trivial, it's a cruel and vile thing to say to someone.

Your anger is completely understandable.

In your shoes I'd let her be your brother's problem and keep well away from her.

TheSoapyFrog · 08/07/2021 23:53

I don't think YABU at all. That's an evil thing to say to someone and I wouldn't be able to get past it either.

Anyusernameleft · 09/07/2021 00:05

She is a nasty type. Steer clear of her & let your brother know you want nothing to do with someone who would be so vile as to say such a thing. Nothing st all..And let the anger go...it is just swirling around causing you anxiety & giving her power...let it go (and her along with it) & you just enjoy your lovely baby & your life free of her...

Anyusernameleft · 09/07/2021 00:06

*at all....

MissVanji · 09/07/2021 00:08

I'm really sorry OP she sounds awful and that is a truly horrible thing to say to anyone. I dont blame you for not forgiving her there is nit a chance in he'll I woukd ever speak to someone who said that to me. Stand up for yourself and your family and stay well rid of this peice of human trash!!

Lizzy1980 · 09/07/2021 03:17

What a terrible thing to say. Yes they are only words but I certainly don’t think it’s trivial. You’ve got to be a nasty piece of work to say that to someone. Was she aware of your worries/concerns about your health when she said it? If so, it’s an even more spiteful thing to say.

chickenyhead · 09/07/2021 03:20

What does your brother think of her saying that?

Have you posted about this before?

ExhaustedFlamingo · 09/07/2021 03:38

We can all say nasty things when we're upset sometimes. We can all say things that we later regret.

However, I cannot think of a single circumstance which would ever excuse those words leaving someone's mouth.

I would never get past this. And I would be utterly raging with my brother for apparently forgiving her.

OP, I hope you feel some comfort from everyone here saying they would still be angry too. Don't allow yourself to give her any head space - she's nothing to you now, she's as insignificant as the mud on your shoe. Enjoy your lovely boy and be glad you don't have to deal with her shit any more. Hugs.

Coyoacan · 09/07/2021 03:46

I would never forgive anyone saying such a thing about anyone's baby, let alone my own, OP.

Maggiesfarm · 09/07/2021 06:22

Mumbo: She called me from a private number and told me she hopes my baby dies. I was distraught.
........
I'm not surprised. Why on earth did she do that? It's far from trivial, it's horrible.

Did you tell anyone or keep it to yourself? I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if someone said such a thing to me. I understand siblings sometimes row and say awful things they afterwards regret but this woman isn't a sibling, not even yet an in law. It's an outrage.

tallduckandhandsome · 09/07/2021 07:27

I would simply refuse to see brother ever again whilst he is with her.

Block them both and be happy that you never have to speak to the cunt again.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 09/07/2021 07:59

What a sick thing to say. I'd stay well clear, just refuse to have her anywhere near you.

Original poster

MumboNo4 · 09/07/2021 11:41

@OliviaNewtAndJohn

Horrible. I would never see her again, and I hope you told your brother about her vile call. She sounds toxic, and this is not ‘drama’ this is abusive. What does he see in her?

I love my brother dearly, but I think he as bad as her to be honest.

My brother and I don't speak as much as we used to (because of this), but I have no doubt in my mind that he is no angel.

I told him about it, and his response was "We all say things we don't mean sometimes".

OP posts:

Original poster

MumboNo4 · 09/07/2021 11:42

@Flowers500

I wouldn’t have a relationship with him when he decides to be with her. He is making a decision to facilitate her abuse of his family. You should never be expected to get past that.

This us exactly my thinking too.

I feel sorry for my brother, as I know he has some seriously deep seeded issues. He needs help, but refuses to get it. There's only so much my family and I can put up with.

OP posts:

Original poster

MumboNo4 · 09/07/2021 11:45

@Lizzy1980

Thank you for this.

No, she wouldn't really know much about my anxiety to be honest. She just said it to be nasty/to hurt me. She definitely succeeded.

I don't hate her, I simply don't care enough about her to hate her. I just hate that she could say something like that about my beautiful baby boy, as if he is worthless. I love him so much, the idea of anything happening to him makes me want to cry.

OP posts:

Youdiditanyway · 09/07/2021 11:47

Awful. Her and your brother sound nuts tbh, you’re better off without either in your life.

Original poster

MumboNo4 · 09/07/2021 11:48

@chickenyhead

What does your brother think of her saying that?

Have you posted about this before?

Yes, I did post about this before, as I wanted to know if I should cut my brother from my life.

His words were "we all say things we don't mean when we're upset". Or something to that effect.

He definitely downplays everything she does, and gets angry with us when we confront him about it. It's very messed up

OP posts:

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