How to split finances in a relationship

[Blondiebueno]

How do others do it? I struggle with this. I earn just under 20k a year so a fairly low salary, my boyfriend who I live with usually earns min wage but is only working PT at the moment due to his workplace having to cut hours.
He likes to go out to eat and for drinks every couple of days but I feel like it’s too much. Out to eat I would say once a week tops is affordable for me as in going for a meal. I don’t drink alcohol so it’s not an issue but he likes craft beers which aren’t cheap.
I feel like a killjoy sometimes saying no I can’t afford it etc but you’ve got to have a budget haven’t you?

Trust me if I were wealthy I’d be out to eat every night as I’m not keen on cooking.

We’ve just been for a night away and I paid for our transport, hotel, a meal last night and breakfast this morning as well as a couple of drinks. So I asked him to pay for our lunch, I know he isn’t working much but it’s only fair that he pays for some isn’t it?
It’s his pints which rack the cost up. I’ve had to say no sorry I can’t afford to buy any more drinks etc. And I feel like I’m being tight, but there needs to be a limit.

How do others do it in a relationship?

On the other hand I like spending some money on hair and beauty which he doesn’t understand and thinks I’m wasting my money.

You say boyfriend. How long have you been together and do you live together?

Just over a year and yes we live together.

He sounds like a freeloader

It's your boyfriend and you've not got kids, I would be having completely separate finances. Going out for meals / drinks I would alternate, if you have more money maybe pay for more expensive meals but he should still be paying for you sometimes. As for saying you are wasting money on hair / beauty, you earned it, you can spend it.

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and we have a joint account. We just regularly top it up so everything is equal. If we go out for food or drinks, one of us might treat the other but normally we use the joint account for everything. It's been so much easier than saying "can you transfer me £xxx for the shop I picked up?" Could you do that?

Yeah that’s what I think is fair, taking it in turns.
Yes exactly, I think £7 pints are a waste of money but each to their own.

At your stage of life, you should pay 50% each of all the joint household costs, and then spend the money left to each of you as you choose.

You should not be paying for his beer !
And you should each pay half for holidays and days out, but not include his beer

@Wriggleon

It's your boyfriend and you've not got kids, I would be having completely separate finances. Going out for meals / drinks I would alternate, if you have more money maybe pay for more expensive meals but he should still be paying for you sometimes. As for saying you are wasting money on hair / beauty, you earned it, you can spend it.

Complete this, it’s what me and my DP do. We have slightly differing attitudes to spending and saving, and he is a bit more socialble than me in the week.

That sounds like a good idea re the joint account.
I do feel like an arse sometimes asking for money but I don’t want to be taken advantage of.

We pay 40/60 rent and bills as I’m earning double what he earns atm so I don’t mind. I’m happy to treat him to some beers but indeed he needs to pay the rest himself

I personally wouldn't go for a joint account as it sounds like he's a spender and you prefer to budget (which is sensible!) So I think it would be a recipe for disaster!

We each have our own money but then have the joint account for house finances. It's worked well and means that we aren't really justifying our spending to each other. If he's having to pay into the account regularly he might think more about his expensive beer!

He’s taking you for a ride…

ExH loved living off of me even though I earned less, due to his substantial debt. He’s ExH for a reason…

Get shot if he’s not willing to pay his fair share and not give you grief for spending your money on stuff for you.

@Blondiebueno

We pay 40/60 rent and bills as I’m earning double what he earns atm so I don’t mind. I’m happy to treat him to some beers but indeed he needs to pay the rest himself

I discuss financial management in relationships a lot in my job and I would say it is unusual for a couple of have an even split this early in a relationship unless they had/ were expecting a child or one of them had much higher income.

Sorry, I meant, unusual for a couple to have an uneven split!

If he's on short hours, he can do the cooking, so that solves the problem of you having to cook or going out.

He also needs to cut back on his beer or get a budgeted amount from supermarkets where it's far less than £7 a pint. He needs to limit what he spends on beer by what he has left after he's paid his share of the bills.

Can he get a better job if his current employer isn't giving him enough hours? I know people say it's tough out there, but there's lots and lots of reports indicating the contrary, eg I've heard from multiple factories saying they can't get and keep staff despite offering full time permanent contracts for well above NMW for unskilled work.

Pubs and bars are also having to reduce their opening hours because they don't have enough staff to open.

@Blondiebueno

On the other hand I like spending some money on hair and beauty which he doesn’t understand and thinks I’m wasting my money.

You need to both put aside money that you can spend on yourself with no judgement from the other. But that comes after you've fairly shared household essentials like rent etc.

@Blondiebueno

Yeah that’s what I think is fair, taking it in turns. Yes exactly, I think £7 pints are a waste of money but each to their own.

Yeah I agree. We earn more as a couple and still are hunting for deals on drinks. For example we like to drink at a place that does £3 pints... If we are just at a regular restaurant and the pints are £7 we just won't drink then...

I can't imagine working PT min wage jobs and regularly getting £7 pints that's just reckless.

If he wasn’t with you, he wouldn’t be ordering £7 pints and going out for dinners on a part-time minimum wage job. He can only do that because you’re funding it!

I would stop funding it.

If say take turns to pay, but on your wages eating out once a week is quite a lot!

My DH is a spender and I'm a saver. It drives me nuts!

Definitely don't get the joint account, you end up funding the spender's habits. It's frustrating. When I think of how much we could spend on nice things if DH didn't waste so much money on craft beers and cigarettes...

You're too young in your relationship to be funding him like this. You're not being boring or a killjoy, you're being sensible, but he's being reckless with your money.

It’s simple, you split the bills 50/50. Then anything that’s left for each of you is yours to spend or save as you wish

He needs to find more work it’s as simple as that

After only one year I'd expect household costs and eating out to be 50/50. Why are you paying for weekends away etc? If he wants to live the high life he should pay his own way.

My husband and I share money now but neither has ever taken the piss and we are aligned on priorities and spending.

Why isnt he working full time? Especially as it doesnt seem that you have children he is caring for.

I think if a relationship is long term and both people are contributing as much as they can to the family/home/work income, then share and share alike.

Someone choosing to bring in as little as possible, for no reason, then having expensive tastes that use the other persons funds is not someone I'd stay with.

Pre kids dh and I both had low incomes, bit we grafted as hard as we each could and just pooled everything. With no children to care for, what other reason does he have for not contributing more?