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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to split finances in a relationship

52 replies

Blondiebueno · 08/07/2021 19:20

How do others do it? I struggle with this. I earn just under 20k a year so a fairly low salary, my boyfriend who I live with usually earns min wage but is only working PT at the moment due to his workplace having to cut hours.
He likes to go out to eat and for drinks every couple of days but I feel like it’s too much. Out to eat I would say once a week tops is affordable for me as in going for a meal. I don’t drink alcohol so it’s not an issue but he likes craft beers which aren’t cheap.
I feel like a killjoy sometimes saying no I can’t afford it etc but you’ve got to have a budget haven’t you?

Trust me if I were wealthy I’d be out to eat every night as I’m not keen on cooking.

We’ve just been for a night away and I paid for our transport, hotel, a meal last night and breakfast this morning as well as a couple of drinks. So I asked him to pay for our lunch, I know he isn’t working much but it’s only fair that he pays for some isn’t it?
It’s his pints which rack the cost up. I’ve had to say no sorry I can’t afford to buy any more drinks etc. And I feel like I’m being tight, but there needs to be a limit.

How do others do it in a relationship?

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 08/07/2021 19:55

£7 a pint when he's part-time on minimum wage??!

Would he really pay for those himself or do you pay for all of them?

I'd say 50:50 is where you should be after a year. He has no incentive to get more hours as he can rely on you to buy him his luxuries.

felulageller · 08/07/2021 19:59

He's a cocklodger and use using you as a literal free meal ticket!

What kind of lifestyle would he have without you? Living with his mum??

Icedteaplease · 08/07/2021 20:00

My husband and I share our finances and have done since we moved in together. I earned more than him for the first 4 years and now he earns more than me. We both put 70% of our earnings into a joint account, 5% into a shared savings account and the remaining 25% is ours to spend on whatever we personally want to. All Dinners out etc are from the shared acc but if he goes out with his friends it's from his account etc. It works really well and we both contribute equally as a proportion of our wage.

Suprima · 08/07/2021 20:08

My partner outearns me hugely and pays the mortgage, holidays and for dates. Mostly everything tbh I pay council tax and electric. As a result, I will really make an effort to pay for the online shops or use my account for Deliveroo. Or pick up the coffees when we are out

We’ve never agreed a split excel spreadsheet. This just works out fair for us. I earn a good wage and save + pay into a hefty workplace pension- he’d rather I saved for my own future rather than made a proportional payment for ‘fairness’ when it isn’t necessary.

How come your boyfriend works part time? Does he have caring responsibilities?

MattHancocksSexTape · 08/07/2021 20:11

@Blondiebueno

We pay 40/60 rent and bills as I’m earning double what he earns atm so I don’t mind. I’m happy to treat him to some beers but indeed he needs to pay the rest himself

So he’s earning 9k a year, so £750 a month, and he’s out for dinner and craft beers every other night?

Blinkingheckythump · 08/07/2021 20:12

I imagine that he's purchasing £7 beers when you're buying them right. Because surely he's not spending almost as much as he earns in an hour on a blinking single drink?
You should be splitting the household bills either 50/50 or as you are 40/60. Then everything else should be a case of paying for yourself. So you go out for dinner either you pay this week and him next. Or you pay for what you've consumed and him his.
And he seriously needs to be getting more work

HollowTalk · 08/07/2021 20:15

This man must have the proverbial golden cock for you to go buying him drinks at that price, OP.

Watchingyou2sleezes · 08/07/2021 20:18

You've got a using leech.

In my life there's been a very simply rule

If I'm paying - I'm saying.

Tell this useless chancer to get a life.

One without you in it...

Challengerice · 08/07/2021 20:19

On the income you two have, I’m utterly baffled how you can afford to do anything beyond live very basically!!

lap90 · 08/07/2021 20:20

Is he looking for another job with full-time hours?

beachcitygirl · 08/07/2021 20:26

Get a joint account but DO NOT put all your own money in it. Only the shared expenses. Then what's left in his own account is his & what's in yours is yours. No recriminations, both spend as little or as much as you like of your own money.
If he spends on expensive beers & runs out of cash, hey ho. He'll budget better next month. Do not become his cash card or his mum x

Paq · 08/07/2021 20:27

@Chloemol

It’s simple, you split the bills 50/50. Then anything that’s left for each of you is yours to spend or save as you wish

He needs to find more work it’s as simple as that

This 👆

CanofCant · 08/07/2021 20:29

@felulageller

He's a cocklodger and use using you as a literal free meal ticket!

What kind of lifestyle would he have without you? Living with his mum??

This! He's a cheeky twat. Bin him.

thepeopleversuswork · 08/07/2021 20:31

@CharlieBrown65

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and we have a joint account. We just regularly top it up so everything is equal. If we go out for food or drinks, one of us might treat the other but normally we use the joint account for everything. It's been so much easier than saying "can you transfer me £xxx for the shop I picked up?" Could you do that?

Don't get a joint account, particularly if you suspect he's a spendthrift or a freeloader.

Hard to tell from your post which he is. But tread carefully. Honestly I wouldn't want to live with someone with whom there was such a big difference in finances.

Whatever you do don't pool finances with him.

CharlieBrown65 · 08/07/2021 20:39

I'm not sure if your comment was meant for me 🙈 luckily I'm pretty sure mine is neither: he's currently in the process of selling his house so we can get one together after letting me live here rent free for the past six months (I've been putting the rent into our house deposit savings!) I think I've found a good one 🙈

I agree for OP though, a joint account would be a good idea but only for shared expenses, absolutely not to put all money into!

BarbaraofSeville · 08/07/2021 20:42

A joint account is not a good idea in this case as it creates a financial link. If he overspends, gets into debt and misses any payments, the OPs credit history is ruined, which could cause difficulties and extra expense for years to come.

Zebraaa · 08/07/2021 20:57

Is he the boyfriend who works 8 hours per week??

GettingItOutThere · 08/07/2021 21:16

fuck that . Bin him off. He is using you as a meal ticket,

50/50 and he buys his own pints. A joint account is a huge mistake!

LaLaLand888 · 08/07/2021 21:32

You should pay 50/50 in rent and bills and then each pay for yourselves on everything else. If a man suggested I spend less money on what I want to spend it (for example, hair products) so that I have more money to spend on his craft beers, I'd bin him instantly.

I have made the mistake of paying more than my fair share because I earned more. I even married him. And then divorced him.

You're young, protect yourself. No one is looking out for you. No one. You have to look out for yourself. If he wants to drink craft beers, he needs to work harder.

thepeopleversuswork · 08/07/2021 21:32

@CharlieBrown65

I agree for OP though, a joint account would be a good idea but only for shared expenses, absolutely not to put all money into!

No my comment was directed at the OP, not you. But I do think pooling finances, unless you are planning to be a SAHM, is nearly always a bad idea.

DirtyDancing · 08/07/2021 22:16

We do it as a % I firmly believe this is the fairest way, for anyone who wants to keep their financial independence. We put a % in a joint account, so the more your earn the more you contribute. DH the used to pay for our annual holiday as well when the gap was larger, less so now we are on a more equal footing

Sandinmyknickers · 08/07/2021 22:25

Just wanted to chime in another 'do not get a joint account'!!!
I feel like some on this thread seem to think it's just a management tool. It's not. It links you both financially. It links your credit scores I believe also...and I'm guessing you dont know in detail his credit and debt history or are into that level of commitment at this stage. I would only ever get a joint account with someone I already owned a joint asset with or I was married to

FindYourPorpoise · 08/07/2021 22:27

@DirtyDancing

But did you start this within a year of being together?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/07/2021 22:41

We never sat down and had a conversation but it helps that we have the same general attitude to money and things that we think are good and bad value. Eg we both generally buy low end clothes, second hand things where we can like bikes etc but dont mind spending on food. We both have the same attitude to debt. It sounds like you need to set a jointly agreed budget. Where is he getting his money from if he is spending more than he can afford? I wouldnt want to be with someone who got into debt over beer and takeaways

Merryoldgoat · 08/07/2021 22:58

Joint account for bills and rent in whatever proportion you decide is fair. Personal accounts for everything else.

If you can’t afford it how can he on half your salary which is already low?

What’s your relationship like other than money? Common values? Interests?

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