Name-changed for obvious reasons.
This complements the other post about private school fees.
I have a big family. Some attend a private primary school because of logistical issues. We aren't rolling in it, we receive help from a number of sources including grandparents.
This time of year is eye-wateringly expensive. Every child has required a mandatory £25 contribution towards the end of term gifts and then there has been another £10 towards a gift for the 2 class reps in each class.
If you don't contribute, you don't get to sign the group card and run the risk of being ostracised from the parental clique. You then have to organise a separate gift and card and end up feeling a bit cringe.
In addition, one of my DC is leaving her primary school. Tradition has always been that there is a leaving party, usually hosted by one of the naice well-off families with swimming pool and room for a pony.
This year we were chased by the reps to let them know if child was attending the party. We were told that the cost of said party would be £40-60 which would include 2 adults, 1 child and told that there would be a sign up sheet for people to bring sides/desert. The cost of the party would include welcome drinks for adults, buffet, decoration etc.
As the party is the end of term highlight - the children are driven there by the school minibus immediately after end of term prize-giving, following a special goodbye tour of the town's landmarks etc, you don't want your child to be the only one not to go or to miss out, so we paid. We were told it would be an extra £10 per additional adult and £5 per child which seemed reasonable.
Then restrictions hit. The party is still taking place but because of restrictions, there will be the16 children in the class, 8 parents (including the two whose house it is) and 6 teachers.
The rest of us have been told that an area has been set aside in the local pub for us to have a get-together, while the 8 parents (those who have organised it) and teachers and kids have their knees up.
So we've paid £45 for a party that we aren't getting to attend and for the 8 adults and teachers to enjoy. The party does includes ice cream van, photo booth, water guns for a water fight, disco corner, photo cake, food and drink, including pizza, sides and desert.
The rest of us then have to pay more for drinks and meal in the outside area of a pub, before then coming to pick our kids up later in the evening.
I know the restrictions aren't anyone's fault, but AIBU to make a passive aggressive comment in the WhatsApp group about how it's a shame that not all parents are included and explain that we cannot actually afford to take the rest of the family for a meal in the pub, as we've shelled out almost £250 in class collections and also for a class legacy gift to the school, another tradition.
AIBU to feel hurt for being left out and to think that this is extortionate? It sticks in my craw as the school is all about what a wonderful close community they are. Or am I being tight and should just be grateful for all the hard work of the reps and that at least child is getting a party?
This is all the baggage that comes with a private school that they don't tell you about. I was listening to a parent opine about how it's really worth paying an extra £500 to upgrade their tickets for Horse of the Year show at Olympia the other day. Different world.