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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband

46 replies

GrandpaSharkdoodoo · 08/07/2021 00:43

DH went out to meet work colleagues at 5pm. This is the first ever meet up with his colleagues. He has only been "out" to a pub once since Covid. We have a baby born last year so we've been home a lot anyway. So basically, I'm saying he deserved a night out. But...He's still isnt back (12.35pm) even though the game ended about 11 I think? No answer from his phone. I feel a bit annoyed that he isn't answering. Is it right that I feel annoyed?

OP posts:
Penistoe · 08/07/2021 00:47

Unless this is a regular thing then probably a yab a tad u. I can see it would be annoying not to reply to a text but 12.30 is not excessive for a one off and big football win.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 00:50

Pubs will be absolutely mental tonight. He will be caught up on football hysteria, it's easily done when it's that kind of atmosphere. If it's a one off I wouldn't worry. I don't think 12.35 is that late either for a pub trip

BasicDad · 08/07/2021 00:51

Your feelings are totally valid. It's how you feel!

We all get feelings though, and it's what we choose to do with them that matters.

All I'd say, if he has a pattern of selfish behaviour, rather than the odd getting carried away, then good time to address. Would recommend the day after the day after and keep the emotion out.

If this is first of type. Maybe cut some slack. Tell him you were a bit concerned and it'd be nice if he'd respond to your texts. Doesn't sound like you discussed your expectations around what time he'd be home though. Game finished at around 10:45pm btw.

Meggymoo777 · 08/07/2021 00:54

Unless this is a regular thing... and if this is his first night out in a while... and unless this is later than he said he would be out... then you are being very unreasonable. If this was a DP of mine I would see this as suffocating behavior when I'm trying to have a good night out with friends. Lots of 'Ifs' though x

Original poster
GrandpaSharkdoodoo · 08/07/2021 00:57

Wow, so it's suffocating to call him at 12.35 after he left at 5pm? We discussed he would be back immediately after football.

OP posts:
LoveManyTrustfewAlwaysPaddle · 08/07/2021 00:58

Two threads, wow..................

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 00:58

I'd also find it suffocating if, on my first night out in a year and a half, I was told I had to come back "immediately after" something. I'd probably ignore calls too 🤷‍♀️

What do you need him for at 11.30pm at night anyway?!

ImMrNimbus · 08/07/2021 00:59

I would expect at least a message to say "I'm going to have a few more drinks" so I at least know he's safe! YADNBU

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 00:59

It's only 7.5 hours. That's standard night out time where I'm from!

Original poster
GrandpaSharkdoodoo · 08/07/2021 00:59

@LoveManyTrustfewAlwaysPaddle i put it in chat by accident but can't delete it

OP posts:
ImMrNimbus · 08/07/2021 01:00

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I'd also find it suffocating if, on my first night out in a year and a half, I was told I had to come back "immediately after" something. I'd probably ignore calls too 🤷‍♀️

What do you need him for at 11.30pm at night anyway?!

I don't think OP said he "had to be back immediately after", just it was mentioned by him that he would be?
Original poster
GrandpaSharkdoodoo · 08/07/2021 01:01

Er @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop I didn't "tell" him, he told me those were his plans!

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 01:02

@ImMrNimbus in her latest update she said she wanted him back immediately after football.

Nights out - for both men and women - inevitably run over as planned especially if you're having a good time. It's quite depressing that adults are given strict curfews by their OHs.

OP to get the other thread deleted just report it to MNHQ and say it's a duplicate thread.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 01:03

@GrandpaSharkdoodoo

Er *@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop* I didn't "tell" him, he told me those were his plans!
And he's run over a bit. So what. It happens. Unless you think he's doing something he shouldn't? it doesn't sound like a regular issue, leave him be. No one wants to be called back home by their OH like some bossy boarding schools mistress.
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/07/2021 01:04

Whenever I've been in a relationship I can't say I've ever promised a time when I'd be back and I'd be Hmm if I was asked what time I'd be back by my OH. They get a swift two word retort from me if a curfew was even hinted at.

Original poster
GrandpaSharkdoodoo · 08/07/2021 01:05

in her latest update she said she wanted him back immediately after football.

That's not what I said though, is it. I said it was "discussed" - as in - we both agreed. Please don't impose your internalised misogyny on me.

OP posts:
Meggymoo777 · 08/07/2021 01:13

@GrandpaSharkdoodoo

Wow, so it's suffocating to call him at 12.35 after he left at 5pm? We discussed he would be back immediately after football.
I genuinely didn't mean to cause offense, but I would see this as suffocating yes. If my DP was going out to watch a game like this this evening, and this result came about I would just consider him out for the night. (I'm not English by the way, or a soccer fan, but understand how much tonight meant to those that are). It's really not that late, I would just go to bed, get a good nights rest and leave him to it (unless any of the variables in my last post apply)
Notashandyta · 08/07/2021 01:13

If we agreed a time, of course I'd be fuming if he didn't even respond to my calls when not back around said time.
It's a worry, and especially so if you have a baby, as things are stressful and you feel vulnerable anyway.
Yanbu

Tiari · 08/07/2021 01:19

OP, what would he say if you went out at 5 then at 1.00 am still hadn't contacted him?Hmm

Tiari · 08/07/2021 01:21

Forgot to say, YANBU

Frownette · 08/07/2021 01:24

Has he rolled in yet..?

He has to make it up to you for not sending a text

Meggymoo777 · 08/07/2021 01:25

@Frownette

Has he rolled in yet..?

He has to make it up to you for not sending a text

Make it up to her? Seriously??? Jesus wept... What do you suggest he do exactly?
purplewolfie · 08/07/2021 01:26

I'd let it go tonight, and maybe don't expect such an early return on sunday- no matter what he says!

Frownette · 08/07/2021 01:29

@Meggymoo777 free up her time so she can do what she wants

Frownette · 08/07/2021 01:30

Oh and apologise for no text