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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what more she wants?

40 replies

LemonSherbetFancies · 07/07/2021 17:38

I accidentally messed a friend around yesterday changing plans a good few times. I could tell she was pissed off by her short response to my text. I know she isn't herself lately as she has had some bad news regarding her health.
When I saw her at the school today I apologised but she changed the subject. I then kept asking her if she was OK to try and get her to admit that she did have an issue with me. She snapped at me telling me that she was fine, shook her head and walked off. Aibu to ask what more she wants when I have given an apology?

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 07/07/2021 17:43

YABU because you know she has had bad news, she is obviously upset that you changed plans ( how did you do that several times accidentally?) and although she has accepted your apology she is still upset but doesn't want to get into an argument. You trying to "make her admit she has an issue " is not helpful.

Raaaaaaarr · 07/07/2021 17:43

I think trying to push her to admit something is pretty shitty. Sounds like you're not being a great friend to be honest. Don't mess her around and then be an arse about it later basically. I'd be sick of you too in this situation.

Freddiefox · 07/07/2021 17:45

Why did she need to admit she had the hump. You let her down, you said sorry. She’s still feels sad, but she said it was ok.
What do you want her to say? She’s upset and cross, where does that get either of you.

MadeOfStarStuff · 07/07/2021 17:45

YABU

You messed her around then you kept pushing the issue and making it about you despite knowing she’d had bad news.

Surely most adults don’t want to fall out like children so if a friend is being annoying like you were, they just back off rather than actually telling you off, because you’re an adult.

Rosesareyellow · 07/07/2021 17:46

How many times have you given this apology? If it’s recurring all the time and you’re a perpetual Lenny let down I couldn’t be arsed with it tbh - I’ve stopped making plans with a few people like that and I don’t miss them. You make up for it by actually showing up to something next time.

FelicityPike · 07/07/2021 17:46

Leave her alone and stop badgering the poor woman!
She’s had bad new health wise and her friend kept messing her around, apologised and then kept on about it!

Notaroadrunner · 07/07/2021 17:47

Why would you keep asking her if she was ok? Anyone would have snapped at you if you kept on at them.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 07/07/2021 17:47

You sound really annoying. Maybe she just couldn't be arsed dealing with a flaky friend.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 07/07/2021 17:48

She changed the subject, she couldn't have been clearer about not wanting to discuss it, yet you continued goading her anyway because you wanted a better acceptance of your apology to stop you feeling guilty.

Yabu, and selfish.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 07/07/2021 17:49

To not have to make you feel better for being a crap friend?

Lou2284 · 07/07/2021 17:49

Well you know the reason behind her being arsey with you, so why push her to admit it?!?

CoalCraft · 07/07/2021 17:49

This sounds like a reverse!

If genuine, YABU, OP

Notaroadrunner · 07/07/2021 17:50

@CoalCraft

This sounds like a reverse!

If genuine, YABU, OP

Just after thing that it's probably a reverse too.
MadeOfStarStuff · 07/07/2021 17:51

I thought reverse as well, in which case you’re still BU for hiding behind a reverse in case things didn’t go your way

MordredsOrrery · 07/07/2021 17:52

Why did you try and get her to admit she has an issue with you? Are you 100% sure that's the problem? She's recently had bad news about her health, maybe she had more, maybe that's on her mind today, maybe something else has happened?

Yesterday you let her down, this can happen and I'm sure as long as it's a one-off she'll put it behind her quite quickly. I'm completely baffled as to why you couldn't leave her be this morning, you kept pushing her instead of taking her lead. Now you're asking if you should push her even further - that's incredibly unreasonable of you.

TallFriendlyGinger · 07/07/2021 17:52

It's really rude to keep pushing her to admit she has a problem with you. If you pissed her off by messing around with plans shes obviously going to be annoyed next time you meet but if she's accepted your apology then drop it. Even if there is a bit of tension just ride it out don't badger her and harass her so you can feel justified that she's a big meanie who's mad at you. Leave her alone!

Sloaneslone · 07/07/2021 17:53

Honestly, sometimes I get pissed off with my best friend. Sometimes I am pissed off at a few things and my best friend does something that's the last straw before I visibly become pissed off.

But more often than not, I don't want to talk about it to her. I just want to get over it. And she knows that and I am the same. Within a few days I will have come round.

If its just her, I move on. If its something else that's causing most of it, I will tell that I am sorry if I was harsh and tell her everything else that's going on. She is the same.

Some of us don't need to discuss everything, we just need to be left to it. If a grown adult, doesn't want to discuss something, stop trying to force them.

It will piss them off more.

She is having hard time, you messed her about, you apologised and she changed the subject. That's all she needed.

She doesn't want more.

TallFriendlyGinger · 07/07/2021 17:53

And if this is a reversal you're being unreasonable to post it in this way, very annoying!

riotlady · 07/07/2021 17:54

I hope this is a reverse because if not, you sound really annoying OP!

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 07/07/2021 17:54

Blimey, way to make it all about you OP!

Sloaneslone · 07/07/2021 17:54

Oh and if ita reverse, this is entirely pointless. Because you don't know what's going on in someone's head or they point of view or what was going through their head and their intention.

That's why they say there's 2 sides to every story. Because both sides tell a different story from their own pov.

Hankunamatata · 07/07/2021 17:59

She is pissed off with you op bit doesn't want to make a whole thing about it. You apologised now give her some space to calm down.

ChocolateFlamingo · 07/07/2021 19:14

YABVU!!

She's had bad news about her health! Her mind will possibly be going crazy right now with worry!
You've apologised, leave at that and give her a bit of space!
How can you accidentally mess someone around several times Hmm

Twylar · 07/07/2021 19:14

YABVFU

How annoying and uncalled for

WunWun · 07/07/2021 19:15

Fucking hell...

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