AIBU to think my Dad is cheating with sex workers?

[JellyBelly79]

So yesterday I had the pleasure of seeing my Dad’s dick pic on his phone. I can only assume the dick in question was his, though of course it’s not completely beyond the realms of possibility that it wasn’t. Anyway. He’s not very tech savvy and he mustn’t have realised that there is a thumbnail of the last picture you take in the corner of the camera screen. So maybe he likes to admire pictures of his own dick? Or maybe he’s sexting somebody? The thing is, my Dad is still married to my Mam. So maybe the sext was to her right? What about if we add into the mix a message thread that I saw a couple of years ago when helping my Dad with his phone one time. In the thread, a number that had not been saved to his contacts suggests “£150 for two hours plus taxi fare.” My Dad counters with “£100”and is met with “Sorry darling but no” At the time I didn’t want to jump to conclusions but coupled with this dick pic I’m wondering if I was actually in total denial. AIBU to think that my Dad is in fact being unfaithful to my Mam using sex workers? For context, not long before seeing the message thread I had also seen some windows open on my Dad’s iPad of porn sites he may have been on, which I’m thinking might be where he got the phone number from. As I said, he’s not very tech savvy so I often end up on his iPad/phone doing stuff for him. For further context, my parents have not shared a bed for years and I’ve good reason to believe have not been intimate with each other for just as long, if not longer. Do I tell my mam? I’m inclined to say Fuck No. This is not a bomb that I’m particularly keen to detonate. Do I give my Dad the benefit of the doubt and explain to him how he can keep his browsing history/messages/photos more private? Help.

Good point. Didn’t occur to me the pic could be for the doc

I don’t think it will be. The text link sent out for photos at ours specifically says don’t send photos of intimate areas. The photos are saved to patient notes which are accessible by reception and admin staff so I think it would be unlikely tbh.

Confront your dad. Don’t ask him if he is being unfaithful just tell him you know he is using sex workers. Disgusting man.

He wouldn't be sending a dick-pic to a prostitute - as if they cared !

Stay out of it - you can't win.

Thanks for everyone’s input. I’ve thought about what you’ve all said and have decided to leave it be. As compelling as the evidence seems I don’t know for sure what’s going on. Dick pic could be for the doc, or himself, as others have said. Message thread could have been for some other service or work that needed doing to the house (it’s a reach, I know, but not impossible)
My Mam might already know and be OK with it. If not I think she would be devastated, it would actually tear the family apart. My brothers, sisters and my mam’s sisters would no doubt come to learn of it, the fallout would be absolutely horrendous. I’m fairly confident based on what my Mam has shared with me in the past that they’re not intimate anymore so am not concerned regarding STIs.
And finally. The thought of having to tell my Dad that I’ve seen his wiener on his phone is making me want to hurl. I’m not sure he would ever look me in the eye again.

I think this is the right decision op. The fall out is huge, becayse it’s so so embarrassing. Leave them be,

@YukoandHiro Oh god true. I think I’m reaching with this too

For those wondering why he would send a dick pic to a sex worker I see lots of posts on Twitter from women with onlyfans who advertise ‘dick rates’ as part of their service, I don’t know the details but assuming some men like the idea of a women getting turned on by seeing their penis (even if they’re just pretending)

I agree with other posters that its really none of your business. They are grown up people with a relationship that is their own to figure out.

Yup it’s the golden rule don’t be getting involved in your parents sex lives.

@user1471604011

For those wondering why he would send a dick pic to a sex worker I see lots of posts on Twitter from women with onlyfans who advertise ‘dick rates’ as part of their service, I don’t know the details but assuming some men like the idea of a women getting turned on by seeing their penis (even if they’re just pretending)

Even if it's not that.. it doesn't have to be related to escorts. He could be sending dick pics to other women and still be seeing escorts.

[quote JellyBelly79]@thenewduchessofhastings Paha, my Dad is nothing if not a tight arse.[/quote]
There was a photo of his arse as well as his wang?

Well, at least it wasn't granny porn.

No one ever really knows the terms of a couple's marriage. It's a secret hex devised over many years.

If your dad is that hopeless with discretion - and it's unlikely to be only with tech - it seems pretty likely that your mum knows, and - as the marriage is sexless - chooses not to know. Or, of course, she may have no idea.

So you've got to figure out the possible outcomes, I think.

1. She doesn't know, but she should be told, and whatever comes of it is better than her not knowing.

1. She doesn't know and there's no good reason to tell her, so you just have to carry this knowledge on your own.

1. She does know, but she doesn't feel the need to address it, but she will have to when she knows you know - which'll mean that something has to change, for good or ill.

1. She does know, and she won't want to address it, so she'll tell you that you're wrong. Which leaves you in a difficult position with both of them.

A lot of people here will say that you're morally obliged to tell her. Maybe you are. But I think you have to consider all the possible outcomes before you make that decision.

I'm really surprised at all the people saying "maybe your mum knows and is OK with it". Would you say that generally about friends? Or is it just mums and dads that have these agreed sexless marriages where using prostitutes is fine?

OP I think I'd have to say something. Probably just about the pic in front of both parents I.e. as if I assumed Dad had sent it to Mum. One line like "dad you need to be more careful with your pics - I got a right eyeful on your phone earlier and its not something I ever wanted to see". Then leave them to it.

Be prepared to support your mum. I think its far more likely she'll be horrified and devastated if he is using prostitutes, than chill.

I think I'm probably the same age as your mum. If they've come to an agreement then she won't mind you saying something, aside from it being awkward. But if not, I'd want to know tbh. Being lied to is pretty awful.

So sorry for you OP.

Regardless of your Dad screwing other women, you are having to deal with the blunt knowledge that he thinks women are a commodity rather than fellow humans. That must be tough, so be gentle on yourself.

I'm torn on this. While I totally understand your decision to leave it, I'm not sure I'd be able to stop myself having a quiet word with dad. At the very least I'd need to let him know that his photos are more visible than he thinks..... if the pic is of his penis that is.

Does your mum have/ever have suspicions about his faithfulness? Is that a subject you can broach.

I was you. It was suspected. Not sure I thought through the consequences.

At the end of the day though, he's my Dad, I suppose I forgave him, he never expressed anger at me, though I have wondered whether I did the right thing, at the time it seemed like the only right thing. Dad and partner slowly split up, it was heading that way anyway, but all are happy separately now.

Should add I told the partner, not DF. Think if you told your DF he will beg you not to say anything, destroy the evidence, but it will continue, it has addictive qualitiea. And I say that as someone who finds it hard to think a wrong thing about my Dad. At the end of the day, parents are humans.

Please, please don't listen to the drama llamas who recommend "making him squirm" etc. These people just want to watch the world burn from their phone screen, and should be ashamed.

I know it's difficult viewing our parents' relationships as anything other than what we've imagined since childhood, but it's likely a lot more nuanced that you think. I also agree that there are too many unknowns here. You clearly care about your parents, but this just isn't your sphere to influence.

Well he wouldn’t be sending his dick to sex workers but he would probably be sticking it in his profile on swinger sites etc. So I would say you’re probably right and he’s cheating.

None of your business, stay out of it, don't spread rumours or tell tales or interfere. He's not hurting anyone, but you will do untold damage to your family if you stick your oar in. Will they thank you? What do you expect to get out of it? Leave your dad alone.

How old are your parents? Is your Mum significantly older than your Dad? It would seem that they are at opposite ends of the spectrum, if your Mum doesn't want sex but your Dad is so desperate for it that he's paying for it!

Stay out of it. He's a grown adult.

he’s not hurting anyone?

@WalkingOnTheCracks

No one ever really knows the terms of a couple's marriage. It's a secret hex devised over many years.

If your dad is that hopeless with discretion - and it's unlikely to be only with tech - it seems pretty likely that your mum knows, and - as the marriage is sexless - chooses not to know. Or, of course, she may have no idea.

So you've got to figure out the possible outcomes, I think.

1. She doesn't know, but she should be told, and whatever comes of it is better than her not knowing.

1. She doesn't know and there's no good reason to tell her, so you just have to carry this knowledge on your own.

1. She does know, but she doesn't feel the need to address it, but she will have to when she knows you know - which'll mean that something has to change, for good or ill.

1. She does know, and she won't want to address it, so she'll tell you that you're wrong. Which leaves you in a difficult position with both of them.

A lot of people here will say that you're morally obliged to tell her. Maybe you are. But I think you have to consider all the possible outcomes before you make that decision.

Good god, this sounds as complicated as this.....