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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my Dad is cheating with sex workers?

75 replies

JellyBelly79 · 07/07/2021 16:06

So yesterday I had the pleasure of seeing my Dad’s dick pic on his phone. I can only assume the dick in question was his, though of course it’s not completely beyond the realms of possibility that it wasn’t. Anyway. He’s not very tech savvy and he mustn’t have realised that there is a thumbnail of the last picture you take in the corner of the camera screen. So maybe he likes to admire pictures of his own dick? Or maybe he’s sexting somebody? The thing is, my Dad is still married to my Mam. So maybe the sext was to her right? What about if we add into the mix a message thread that I saw a couple of years ago when helping my Dad with his phone one time. In the thread, a number that had not been saved to his contacts suggests “£150 for two hours plus taxi fare.” My Dad counters with “£100”and is met with “Sorry darling but no” At the time I didn’t want to jump to conclusions but coupled with this dick pic I’m wondering if I was actually in total denial. AIBU to think that my Dad is in fact being unfaithful to my Mam using sex workers? For context, not long before seeing the message thread I had also seen some windows open on my Dad’s iPad of porn sites he may have been on, which I’m thinking might be where he got the phone number from. As I said, he’s not very tech savvy so I often end up on his iPad/phone doing stuff for him. For further context, my parents have not shared a bed for years and I’ve good reason to believe have not been intimate with each other for just as long, if not longer. Do I tell my mam? I’m inclined to say Fuck No. This is not a bomb that I’m particularly keen to detonate. Do I give my Dad the benefit of the doubt and explain to him how he can keep his browsing history/messages/photos more private? Help.

OP posts:
RaindropsOnRosie · 07/07/2021 17:37

Why stay out of it if this is going to be playing on your mind? Mention it to your mum, even if you can only broach it in a jokey or abstract way i.e. "Please make sure Dad doesn't have his dick pics on display on his phone, if he's sending them to you make sure he deletes them after so I don't have to see." If she doesn't know anything she can find out herself or choose to ignore it.

The previous messages you've seen do sound odd though, I can't think of anything that could explain it other than what you're thinking. Are you sure they're not in an open relationship of any kind?

HeavenHotel · 07/07/2021 17:39

I find it strange that people are saying stay out of it. However if this was a thread about a mate's dh you'd all be saying tell her!

Tbh not sure what I'd do, awful situation to be in OP.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 07/07/2021 17:42

find it strange that people are saying stay out of it

Because presumably he’s an adult.

Eviethyme · 07/07/2021 17:43

omg but what if ... he haggled for sex Oh dear lord

Bumblenums1234 · 07/07/2021 17:50

Grim but ultimately could be anything, I would confront him. You never know, might have an issue and needed to send a picture to the Dr or show your mum. The message might be something sinister or totally innocent. You won't know until you ask and it will build and build inbyour head until you do.

Maggiesfarm · 07/07/2021 17:51

@Aquamarine1029

I would stay the hell out of it.
Me too!

What a horrible thing for you to find.

However it isn't your business and telling your mother wouldn't achieve anything if, from what you say, they are not intimate now and just live in the same home together.

thenewduchessofhastings · 07/07/2021 17:52

I know the whole situation is grim but I'm pmsl at the fact he was trying to haggle with a prostitute.

toocold54 · 07/07/2021 18:25

It sounds like your are right but I’d definitely stay out of it. You could be wrong or your mum could be aware already. I know too many people who have outed cheaters and they’ve all ended up as the bad guys.

Wombat36 · 07/07/2021 18:27

I just wouldn't be touching any screen or keyboard of his again...

sociallydistained · 07/07/2021 18:27

@ChardonnaysPetDragon

It makes no sense. Why would he send a dick photo to a sex worker? They are not after that, they are after his money.
As much like my grandad, he’s probably doing hook up sites for free AND paying sex workers.
traveltheworld1986 · 07/07/2021 18:40

I found similar on my dad's laptop around 15 years ago when I was using his computer for my uni work. Although I never found conversations/texts just website searches (including gay porn). I told my mum because I was upset as I was only young, we have never spoken about it since. It still plays on my mind now, but my mum obviously decided to ignore it and move on. They are in a loveless/sexless marriage as well. I think my mum had an idea that he was up to things like this, but chose to brush it under the carpet. If I found something now I think I would have to discuss it with my mum, I couldn't with hold something like that x

grapewine · 07/07/2021 18:43

@TokyoSushi

It's possible that your Mum might know. I would have absolutely nothing to do with any of it.
This. I'd mind my own business.
regularbutnamechangedd · 07/07/2021 18:45

Found similar on my dads computer about twenty years ago. I changed all his passwords for everything. I never told my mum. She died ten years later and I'm still glad I never told her. I bet she knew anyway.

Original poster
JellyBelly79 · 07/07/2021 18:46

Ugh I’m sorry this happened to your nan and you.

OP posts:
RealBecca · 07/07/2021 18:47

Of course you need to let ypur mum know, imagine if he caught and passed on HIV!?

If you want no part in it then an annonymous note and/or photos of evidence. But saving face is not more important than her health. She risked her life giving birth to you, you should give her the opportunity to protect herself.

Original poster
JellyBelly79 · 07/07/2021 18:48

@NVision Shit I hadn’t thought of that

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 07/07/2021 18:48

@Annalouisa

might be naive, but why would he send a picture of his genitals to a prostitute? I mean, is that a chargeable service? What does the sex worker do with the picture? Do they charge for looking at dick pics? Do they charge per centimetre and so need to see them at the time of booking? Confused
Grin That's exactly what I was wondering.
TheNameTheWebsiteForgot · 07/07/2021 18:49

I think it would depend on how old my parents were. 40-60 I'd either talk to my dad or tell my mum. 70-100 I would keep my nose out.

Original poster
JellyBelly79 · 07/07/2021 18:50

@TeardropsFallingOnHotSand PMSL, as awful as the situation is.

OP posts:
Original poster
JellyBelly79 · 07/07/2021 18:53

@Bumblenums1234

Grim but ultimately could be anything, I would confront him. You never know, might have an issue and needed to send a picture to the Dr or show your mum. The message might be something sinister or totally innocent. You won't know until you ask and it will build and build inbyour head until you do.
Good point. Didn’t occur to me the pic could be for the doc…
OP posts:
Original poster
JellyBelly79 · 07/07/2021 18:55

@thenewduchessofhastings Paha, my Dad is nothing if not a tight arse.

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 07/07/2021 18:56

I’m not sure at all. There’s a (slim) possibility that the dick pic was to send to his GP, for example (vanishingly unlikely I know). And he didn’t actually see a prostitute as far as you know - he haggled unsuccessfully. If I were you I’d either steer clear or perhaps take the alternate approach and dig around his devices a bit more next time he asks for your help - see if you can find other messages that make the situation clearer for example.

YukoandHiro · 07/07/2021 18:58

This isn't really your business regarding the relationship as your mam may know far more than you think- if she doesn't want to be intimate anymore they may have an agreement etc etc.

If it were me I'd say I didn't appreciate seeing those things and that it's up to him to make sure he's keeping anything private totally private rather than letting you see it and putting you in a difficult position

YukoandHiro · 07/07/2021 19:04

I think the question of whether it was potentially for the GP can be answered by the picture itself - nobody sends a pic of themselves with a lob on to the doctor

FrankButchersDickieBow · 07/07/2021 19:07

Ahh tough situation OP.

I'd have to tell my mum. You don't know for definite that they don't have the odd shag. I'd be worried he could give her an STD or something.

Shouldn't she have the opportunity to leave if she wants to. I just couldn't leave her to live like this.

Maybe she knows, maybe she doesn't, but I would be more than willing to risk telling her.