I'm pregnant with #3 but sibling is struggling to conceive. I feel horrid.

[Louiston3]

We are expecting our third baby however it was unplanned, there was a contraception failure but we decided to proceed with the pregnancy (which began as twins but sadly one didn't develop)

I shared our news with my lovely brother when i reached 20 weeks, he was warm and supportive albeit shocked as we'd previously decided not to have any more. He then confided that he and SIL were going through fertility struggles and were desperate to be parents themselves.

I had no idea they were actively trying and feel awful for them, I also feel a sense of guilt, sadness about the unfairness and worried that this will put a strain on our relationship. I've read many a thread where families have been divided and friends lost over fertility struggles.

To make matters worse it turns out that the name we've chosen was on their list of possible baby names too

I feel as though we should reconsider the name out of respect, or is that silly?

Not sure what I want from posting really, probably just to ask whether you think this has the potential to cause a rift?

Life is so unfair. It's always the people who would make incredible parents that go through that stuff. I don't feel half as deserving as they are.

Huge sympathy for all of you, especially them.

My SIL was pregnant with her first child when we found out we would never be able to conceive naturally. (It was the complex nature of our reactions to the pregnancy that let us to get investigated instead of continuing to 'see what happened'.)

It was really hard. You sound very kind and thoughtful (as were my in-laws), but I still found it very, very difficult to be around them or hear about their baby. I both hated it when I had the sense they were being kind, and I hated it when I had the sense they weren't considering how it was for us. To an extent, it is just a shit situation.

With my objective, rational head on, though, of course there is nothing you can do, and the two things are in no way linked. So congratulations, and best of luck to your brother and his partner.