To be really pissed off with younger brother and family

[shoshaliteupthetree]

I phoned youngest brother last night to ask if he wanted to contribute to a Christmas present for Father (80 next week) and spoke to his wife.

Th reply was no why should we he never buys us anything!!!!!

I said he never buys any of us anything (he lives on a pension and is married to a second wife (mom died 16 years ago) that spends everything he has. All other brothers and Ds are contributing (we are getting a digital frame and filling it with photos of the family.

Anyway was really shocked and didn't know what to say, she is usually the reasonable one, brother didnt even bother to phone Dad on Christmas Day last year.

Dad and Mom gave us a great childhood, and we all stay in contact regularly except this brother, he only calls when he wants something. (even if the actual running about after Dad and looking after him is left to me, but to be fair one brother in Afghan with the RAF other lives in Spain, youngest brother lives 1.30 hrs away from him I live 45 mins away)

Anyway, now what do I do, do I put on the card from all the family or just those that contributed so that Dad dosnt get upset.

To be honest there will be very few photos of youngest brother and family as I really dont want to speak to him to ask for some!!

Sorry think I needed to rant.

Middle brother (his twin) has siad Bol to him, just dont phone him as everytime I do he upsets me.

Speak to the rest of your siblings and make a decision together. You dont have to decide on your own.

Personally I would rse above it and get some photos of him so you dont upset your Dad, and sign the card from him.

he sounds very immature

how old is he?

That is my feeling but his twin says why should we! I know what he means the guy never even phones dad, so he does know what he is like.

44 and a Police Inspector!

is there more to it, or has he just decided he does not want to bother? have they had a difficult relationship? there might be stuff in the background you don;t know?

if he is just selfish, then no point trying to persuade him, but include a few pics anyway, rise above it !

44 - thought you were going to say he was a teenager ...

i think you should include the piccies, so your dad isn't upset

No they have always had a good relationship, he is just a selfish twat, lives in his own insular world

Ok got to go out now, will talk to other brothers again

best of leaving him out and sorting pics yourself, at 44, he really should know better, at least dad has you and your other brother

and ANOTHER brother

LOVING the xmas name

We have decided to add photos we have, without having to ask for any actually from him (his family were at DS's wedding last year so we can put them in, and his eldest son is on facebook (he dosnt live at home) so have asked him for a few.

But others are adamant that we dont put his name on the card, his twin says why should we add it after he cant even be bothered to phone dad. So I guess we go with just the others.

By the way brother in Afghan managed to send me some photos from there via email to go on it looking very tanned and dusty!

Might it be the cost?

For the ILs Golden Wedding the BILs decided we would all put in for a big present and each family would pay 1/3. Trouble was this was decided before they asked us and the amount they asked us for was far far more than we would have spent ourselves. We really couldn't afford it but ended up having to pay up. As eldest BIL earns probably 4 times what we do and his children have left home whereas we were supporting all of ours it left a nasty taste in my mouth. Another time I will say no.

Just another perspective.

No it worked out at £16.00 each, he is a Police Inspector and his wife works fulltime as well, and they have 3 holidays a year, so no dont think its the cost

parents are not daft. I am sure that your dad will be more than aware of the big picture - whether you sign the card from this brother or not. Your dad knows that you are the one who does his running around (obviously), knows that the rest of the family care and stay in touch - even from half way round the world, and knows that this brother makes bugger all effort. It won't stop your dad from loving him. But you can rise above this particular incident because I bet your Dad knows exactly what's going on.

If you are going to put your Dad first then you need to add your brother's name. Otherwise it is a bloody great give-away that he didn't contribute. You don't need to make that clear - it's just going to be hurtful to your Dad when he reads the card.
Please put your Dad's feelings first here not those of your siblings. It really is worth being the 'bigger person' here.

If you include his name on the gift, will you tell him that you have? He might not want you to???

Great idea for a present btw.

In the long run you will forget the money but you will remember being generous-spirited ?

Could you write something along the lines of
'Merry christmas, love from all the family' so that it is not clear either way?

at 44 why do you feel the need to interfere in his life?

If he wants to get his dad a present he will. If he doesn't so what?

I hardly ever speak to any of my family, my choice, I have nothing in common with them, so I live my own life.

Live your life and let your brother live his own!

Mrmiaow, I would if everytime something goes wrong in his life he didnt keep coming expecting us all to bail him out!

Good idea Cold Penguin.

Cold Penguin That is what I am goingto do, rest of the family wont be here at Christmas when I take it down to him, so they wont know, other brothers will phone Dad Christmas Day, so he will thank them then, and I know younger brother wont phone so he wont know.

the only person who will be hurt by you not including wanker-brother's name is your dad and as this is your dad's present I think you should all swallow down your righteous indignation and put his name on it or just sign 'all of us'

he really is a tosser though

shoshaliteupthetree

simple solution to that one too. Tell him to get lost!