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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend asking for pics?

47 replies

WildflowerWildfire · 06/07/2021 15:21

We don’t live together but he spends a lot of time at my place. We have sex very often and I also send him pics and vice versa. We both have a high sex drive so this isn’t necessarily a problem, although I don’t enjoy the pic taking because I don’t think it’s necessary when we see each other as much as we do.

So today we had a chat (over messages) about a lot of things regarding our relationship and he said he would make more effort to be less sexual. He regularly taps or feels my bum which is not always appropriate and/or wanted. Anyway I feel like we successfully ironed out some issues until the end of the chat when he asked if he could “get something”. I asked what he meant and he said some more of the pics that I’d sent him last week. I told him I’d taken a few and chose the best one, so he wanted the outtakes so to speak.

We then had a huge argument because of what we’d just been discussing and him basically being stupid enough to undo all of the nice things and effort he said he’s make from now on. Aibu to be really annoyed and disappointed?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 06/07/2021 15:23

I hope you don't have your face and body in the same picture. I wouldn't be giving pictures to someone with such a hazy grasp on consent.

Warmduscher · 06/07/2021 15:24

I’m not sure I understand - you’re happy to send him pics (sexual ones or just normal ones?) but you want to choose which ones? Or have I misunderstood?

bloodyhell19 · 06/07/2021 15:25

Ugh, he's a lech. I'd cut that loose if I were you... You basically had a conversation about boundaries and he just leapt over the boundary in the same breath.

lemmein · 06/07/2021 15:25

@bloodyhell19

Ugh, he's a lech. I'd cut that loose if I were you... You basically had a conversation about boundaries and he just leapt over the boundary in the same breath.
I wish we had a like button on here! 👏🏻
BeardieWeirdie · 06/07/2021 15:25

Creep. Agree with PP about not sending identifiable pictures.

Thedogscollar · 06/07/2021 15:26

In answer to your AIBU. No you aren't. He sounds very immature. As pp said hope hour face isn't visible in these pics.
Can never understand the appeal of this myselfHmm

Longislandicedteaplease · 06/07/2021 15:26

Yanbu at all.
You've said you don't want to or aren't comfortable with it and he's pushing for it without respecting your boundaries or feelings.
He told you what you wanted to hear - that he wouldn't and then did anyway.
He isn't trying to hide his behavior so I personally would take that as how he is.
I wouldn't want to keep seeing him

IMNOTSHOUTING · 06/07/2021 15:27

If you had just had a discussion about being less sexual then I think YANBU. It's possible he thought the discussion was addressing the specific points (e.g. unwanted groping) and he thought you were OK with the pics still but even then the timing of asking for the pictures immediately following the conversation sounds completely oblivious at best.

WildflowerWildfire · 06/07/2021 15:28

I’m not identifiable in the pics. And yes I’ve consented before and been reasonably happy to send pics but we’d literally just had a chat about him being too sexual and treating me like some sort of FWB rather than a girlfriend.

OP posts:
phoneybaloney · 06/07/2021 15:33

My ex at the start of our 5 year relationship asked for pics and I said no, I don't do that. (I also didn't want any zooming into my inbox either). All fine. We were together 5 years, had a kid, and it was only on splitting up I found he had saved photos of exes, from over a decade ago, including one of the woman giving him a blow job, face recognizable and naked. I am sure she'd be mortified to know shes stored in some virtual wank bank on his hard drive after over a decade. Gross.

Your boyfriend sounds very disrespectful, and seems to have little grasp of consent or boundaries. I'd be cutting him loose in your shoes.

Notaroadrunner · 06/07/2021 15:36

YABU to continue a relationship with this dickhead. If you don't like taking photos then you don't do it, regardless of what he wants. Dump him and find someone who actually respects you.

Thelnebriati · 06/07/2021 15:46

He's ignoring your boundaries and consent. Thats not treating you like a FWB, its treating you like an object. You tried to fix things and he doesn't care what you want, so the balls in your court now.
If I were you, I'd dump him.

TheNameTheWebsiteForgot · 06/07/2021 15:48

Yuk. Is he 16?

WildflowerWildfire · 06/07/2021 15:49

32 but 16 in his head/trousers unfortunately.

OP posts:
Ellpellwood · 06/07/2021 15:52

That's grim. I couldn't be with someone who wanted me to serve as digital wanking fodder as well as a girlfriend.

Noshowlomo · 06/07/2021 15:56

He sounds grim

Eviethyme · 06/07/2021 15:57

Is he stupid? 🤔 Who would ask that and think that's okay after having the discussion you just had

grey12 · 06/07/2021 16:01

Personally I would say no nude pics. Don't send on the internet anything you wouldn't want in a big advertisement board in your local high street Wink

tallduckandhandsome · 06/07/2021 16:02

I wouldn't be surprised if he is sharing the pictures with mates, hence wanting a steady supply.

I've been sickened and naively shocked by just how much some men share Envy

TheGumption · 06/07/2021 16:04

I guess you don't mind if they end up online? Because people like him will share that stuff with their mates and elsewhere.
He sounds like a shit person and I wouldn't be wasting any more time with him.

YouokHun · 06/07/2021 16:05

How would he behave if you just said “no”?

DavidTheDog · 06/07/2021 16:07

I would never send nude pictures of myself. I wonder what the breakdown is by age.

Regularsizedrudy · 06/07/2021 16:10

Do you actually want to ever send him pics or do you just feel it’s expected? He sounds very stupid.

WildflowerWildfire · 06/07/2021 16:12

I feel like it’s expected so I end up just doing it. I never like receiving dick pics in return either. I’d just rather do things in person like people do in adult relationships. I feel like I’m training a boy how to be a man and it’s tiring

OP posts:
Wambamincorrectlyinstalledfan · 06/07/2021 16:12

Reasonably happy Hmm

Ditch him find someone you can be actually happy with

He sounds like an immature creep

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