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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask school to change DS class?

45 replies

Ginpancakes · 06/07/2021 14:45

School have announced that they are mixing up the different classes within the year group for September. My DS is very quiet, can be shy and doesn't have many friends (generally his choice and he seems happy with that); the small group of friends he does have are all moving into the same class together and DS is being put into a different class. The only other child he knows in the new class is someone we have previously had issues with (a known trouble maker).

Im worried that he'll be isolated from his friend group and will find it difficult to make new friends in his new class. I'd like to speak to school to put him in the class with his friends but hubby thinks i'm being unreasonable and that he will make new ones. AIBU?

AIBU - Yes, he'll be fine in his new class
YANBU - Ask school to move him

OP posts:
CatsArePeople · 06/07/2021 14:54

how old are they?

Original poster
Ginpancakes · 06/07/2021 14:58

Yes I should of mentioned that he's just about to turn 8

OP posts:
Teacupsandtoast · 06/07/2021 15:02

Good schools mix up classes for a reason - they won't be separating him from his friends for fun

Tohaveandtohold · 06/07/2021 15:03

He’ll make new friends. My DD was like this. She’s 8 as well. Her school does the class mix up thing every other year. She’s very quite and after the first day in the new class, she has always come back happy as she has made a new friend. I personally believe it’s not good to make kids dependent on a group of friends. There’s 28 other children in the class he can be friends with

DavidTheDog · 06/07/2021 15:04

Good schools mix up classes for a reason - they won't be separating him from his friends for fun

This. I would start by asking for their reasoning in separating him from the others in his friendship group.

EatingAllThePies · 06/07/2021 15:05

There will have been a lot of thought about who goes where. My son had similar and it ended up really benefiting him as he was always in the shadow of a friendship group and over reliant on them. If you're struggling ask about what support is planned and raise with his new teacher but personally I wouldn't want to get his class moved.

Imapotato · 06/07/2021 15:08

I’m kind of in the he’ll make new friends camp.

I’d maybe ask for the reasons he’s not being put with them. Often schools will let the children name 1 or 2 others that they’d like to stay with, did he maybe choose a different child?

I’m sure he’ll be fine though. They’re still pretty flexible at that age and make new friends easily, normally even the quiet ones.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 06/07/2021 15:10

I would discuss with the school but don't bring up the 'known troublemaker' aspect. There's always one more boisterous/difficult child in a year group and all the other parents basically want their precious offspring separated from them. That said since your DS is shy and is being separated from all his friends I do think it's worth flagging. Especially since at 8 the friendships are more established than for younger kids. Perhaps ask if they're going to do anything to support him to integrate within the new class and also suggest switching him to the other class and see what reaction they get.

I don't think it's always the case that the classes are extremely carefully decided. Yes thought will have gone into it but schools are over stretched and often staff don't have time to go through the entire class ensuring everyone is in the perfect class. You bringing it up might make a difference, or if there is a good reason for him being in a particular class they'll be able to explain it and put your mind at rest.

EsmeeMerlin · 06/07/2021 15:12

I would go in an ask to change classes, but I would ask for their reasoning for the change. It may be that the reason your ds only has a small group of friends is because he has never pushed to make friends with other children because he has always had the same small group to rely on. What if they move schools for whatever reason or you have to move.

Popskipiekin · 06/07/2021 15:12

6 year old DS has had a bit of a sad year being separated from his good friends. I wish I’d preempted the shake up as I knew they were going to do it. It didn’t feel fair after such a disrupted year, and he’s been less keen on school as a result. I would definitely vote discussing with school why this particular move and whether they’ve identified that your DS’s friendship group is so small they’ve effectively moved him away from all his friends. At least with my DS he was still with some so-so friends. His school are not shaking up the classes again this year, although they would usually, and I’m sure it’s because of parent feedback. They don’t need more change right now.

EsmeeMerlin · 06/07/2021 15:12

That should say I wouldn’t ask to change classes.

FreeBritnee · 06/07/2021 16:50

You can ask but I doubt they’ll change anything.

Hankunamatata · 06/07/2021 16:53

I would talk to his teacher and find out why he is being put in different class. Perhaps henos too co dependent on another couple.of kids or parents have asked to be separated

Janedownourlane · 06/07/2021 17:01

Its difficult and I would have a word with his teacher to explain how you are feeling. The trouble is that now they would have to move another child the other way to keep numbers balanced. There is ususally a good reason for the groupings and the current teacher should be able to encourage your DS to spend some time with children who will be in his new class in a positive way.

endofjune · 06/07/2021 17:03

I would actually be that parent in this instance.

kindaclassy · 06/07/2021 17:05

I don't think the school will care,

but it's so disingenuous to pretend the mixing was done in his best interest. It might work better for the majority, but there's always a couple of kids who won't thrive from it but really lose out.

Teachers do not have time to carefully consider the well-being and best interest of the 30 kids that will be split up. Sometimes, it's just unfair they are separated and it won't do them any good.

quizqueen · 06/07/2021 17:22

Is there a chance the classes are being streamed on ability? I would mention your concerns to his teacher though and ask for the reasons for the split from his friendship group. They may have some insight that it will be better for him, for instance they may be a distraction to his learning and there will always be a difficult child in every class so that's hard to avoid. I doubt they will be able to rearrange classes now though unless another parent has asked for an opposite swap.

sorryforswearing · 06/07/2021 17:24

I can’t agree with kindaclassy. Our head always asks for suggestions from teachers as to who should be split/ kept together. All factors are taken into consideration. Once the class lists are done she gives them back to the teacher to check they agree. I would raise your concerns with the teacher. Our head will always listen and consider a genuine concern from a parent. Tricky though once the children have been told where they are going. There may not be scope to change.

kindaclassy · 06/07/2021 17:27

@sorryforswearing

I can’t agree with kindaclassy. Our head always asks for suggestions from teachers as to who should be split/ kept together. All factors are taken into consideration. Once the class lists are done she gives them back to the teacher to check they agree. I would raise your concerns with the teacher. Our head will always listen and consider a genuine concern from a parent. Tricky though once the children have been told where they are going. There may not be scope to change.
It's great if YOUR school actually takes every individual child into account, it genuinely is, but let's not pretend every school is that thorough.
Original poster
Ginpancakes · 06/07/2021 17:28

Thanks for all the comments - its a tricky one. His teacher has been off sick for the past month so I wonder if the move was done without these kinds of considerations. I completely agree I don't want to encourage him to be too dependant on any particular friends but the fact is that he does struggle to make new friends and I wouldn't like to be put in a situation with 29 strangers (many of whom will already have established friendship groups too). I'll ask to speak to a teacher about my thoughts and see what they suggest

OP posts:
endofjune · 06/07/2021 17:29

The problem is that even if every individual child is taken into account its very hard to find a perfect solution. I sympathise with the teachers but I wouldn’t be happy about my child having to take one for the team as it were.

Rainallnight · 06/07/2021 17:31

I have a school mum friend whose son sounds very similar and found himself in similar circumstances. She didn’t ask for him to be changed and really regrets it now because he doesn’t really have any friends in his class. I think it’s hard for school to juggle all this but there's no harm in asking if you’re concerned.

kindaclassy · 06/07/2021 17:34

the small group of friends he does have are all moving into the same class together and DS is being put into a different class.

THAT is the issue.
Being separated from SOME friends and a group being split up, that's normal.

Leaving ONE child out, that's out of order.

Emmylou1985 · 06/07/2021 18:04

My son's school did this last year. I complained and the school did nothing. His mood dropped and his school work wasn't at his usual standard. Obviously, because of Covid he wasn't there the whole year. He has ADHD and is awaiting testing for ASC (based on his paediatrician's recommendation) and needs routine, which includes having the same peers to interact with. This year he was put back in with his close friends and he has flourished. I say put your foot down.

ZednotZee · 06/07/2021 18:08

It happened to my son age 7.

I didn't ask for his class to be changed even though he was unhappy at being separated from his friends.

Its a life lesson. Adjusting to change and separation. Seeking new friends and building more friendships. Resilience.

Suffice to say he got over himself and is content in his new class.