Home educators scared of the world

[Marmaladee]

I know this might sound unreasonable but bear with me.
I know some brilliant home ed families, their children socialise every day with other children and they do loads of activities.
But I know two families, one in uk and one in US who seem to just be scared of everything and want to keep their kids locked up at home. It's unfair. They are teenagers and spend all day at home in bedrooms on computers 'teaching themselves' that's the philosophy. But actually they are gamers, the kids look depressed and have no social skills.
How is this okay?
I know school isn't all brilliant but children sometimes need a little encouragement to socialise and school just makes that happen.

I meant to add that both are truly terrified of COVID but have also always been very over protective.

Hugely judgmental.leaps. most of the home educators I know find that the education system just can't/ won't give the support their child needs.

Some are scared of their children going through the crap they went through in a brutal system too. Most do plenty of work (less hours needed when there's no classroom management or admin), most meet in groups. You don't know you're making assumptions, youre drawing conclusions based on your bias. You're posting on the internet in the middle of the day. Someone might jump to conclusions about you too.

Wouldn't give it a seconds thought.They're free to carry on as they see fit and your free to find it weird. Something that has been lost on many people, especially in the last year or so

There are plenty of people terrified of covid.

There are plenty of people limiting leaving their homes.

There are plenty of kids who spend all day on computers.

There are plenty of kids who don't socialise even if they're in school.

Choosing two families and making assumptions about a whole community that includes thousands of families is ridiculous.

home educators aren't all the same hive mind.

I know a woman who home educates her son because he simply didn't fit in any mainstream school, and she takes him on nature walks, has converted their spare room to a classroom type set-up, sets challenges and also gives him loads downtime. I teach in a school and have no problem in general with home schooling providing it's done right and this woman is amazing and her son has flourished since being home schooled. They're scared of nothing!

I know another mum who's pretty much how you describe - everyone has an agenda to destroy her little darlings' creativity and she subscribes to "self learning" which seems to consist of allowing her kids to climb up the slide in the park when other kids are waiting because "it's good to challenge the status quo and not always encourage compliance" I'm a bit uncertain about how healthy their family unit is, all her children since aged 2 have changed genders/become non-binary several times, unfortunately they are under the influence of Mermaids too. and they always seem to have every illness and issue going as well. For example the dad has self diagnosed the whole family with ADHD and autism despite not having any sort of formal diagnosis because, of course, the doctor has some kind of vendetta against them. I do often wonder if they avoid mainstream because these things will be picked up on.

I think the trouble with these kinds of threads is that people mostly know people just like them and believe that's what most people are like.

So, on MN all home educators are lovely well educated families doing their absolute best for their children, meeting their needs far better than mainstream education ever could, whilst ensuring every social opportunity (and mainstream education is rubbish for a lot of children).

However, there are also, sadly an awful lot of children who are being HE because their parents are too anxious to send them out into the real world and even worse, children who are removed from school to hide them from nasty meddling safeguarding procedures.

What a goady pile of old balls.

However, there are also, sadly an awful lot of children who are being HE because their parents are too anxious to send them out into the real world and even worse, children who are removed from school to hide them from nasty meddling safeguarding procedures.

Yes I agree and it's so hard to intervene on a way that safeguards children but is also respectful of the family's choices.

Another example of families who slip through the net. I don't know what the solution is

3/4s of all home educators I’ve ever met were trying to cater to the needs of a child with SN. Most of the rest were gentle, educated hippy types whose DC would otherwise have been in a Waldorf/Steiner school.

I mean clearly OP is posting to goad, but the intolerance of some people is breathtaking.

However, there are also, sadly an awful lot of children who are being HE because their parents are too anxious to send them out into the real world and even worse, children who are removed from school to hide them from nasty meddling safeguarding procedures.

My children are educated at home, at the expense of the state, because their is insufficient SEN provision to educate them at school.

Many children are at home for this reason. The School system is not a safe place for every child, my 10 year old was suffering so much at school due to environment that he was trying to kill himself. He is autistic and spends a lot of time gaming as it feels safe to do that. You would probably judge me as one of the parents too scared of the real world wouldn't you?

I'll give you another perspective. Child struggles with school system as is extremely bright, sensory and anxious (Asd/adhd) their parent desperately tried to keep them engaged in the school system despite school refusal, depression, social anxiety etc. Child eventually refuses . Parent has to take difficult decision to Homeschool despite not really having the speciality skills. The ASD child has a minecraft obsession and the only way they will be motivated to do any work is to agree gaming time each day. Chikd has no i interest in sport and is very socially anxious. The only time with friends is 'gaming with them

I feel that sometimes home education is chosen because of the parents’ anxiety and not what’s best for the child. Probably not that many, though, and I certainly support home ed when needed for Sen children.

There's a thread about the summer holiday for teenagers, where a large amount of posters boasting that being locked up in a bedroom all summer and doing nothing else is good for their teens

HE or not, some people choose the lazy option or can't comprehend how a bit of social life is necessary. Maybe their only life is MN, who knows.

Not much you can do unfortunately. I do agree that there should be more controls and checks over home education, children should not be forgotten completely,

Chicken and the Egg situation. ds2 does not go to school because he is too anxious to go out of the house rather than home education (well actually he has tutors) causing him to not go out of the house.

@lifeturnsonadime

However, there are also, sadly an awful lot of children who are being HE because their parents are too anxious to send them out into the real world and even worse, children who are removed from school to hide them from nasty meddling safeguarding procedures.

My children are educated at home, at the expense of the state, because their is insufficient SEN provision to educate them at school.

Many children are at home for this reason. The School system is not a safe place for every child, my 10 year old was suffering so much at school due to environment that he was trying to kill himself. He is autistic and spends a lot of time gaming as it feels safe to do that. You would probably judge me as one of the parents too scared of the real world wouldn't you?

No, you imagined that. I specifically said school is rubbish for many children.

@user1490814754 ummmm are you me??

We are in this exact predicament. I would not wish it on anyone.

Interesting generalisations!

Hmmm - we can all do this... Pretty sure that I know of one family whose child grew up to me a career criminal/murderer/rapist AND THEY WENT TO A SCHOOL!!

As regards the "safeguarding" aspect.... If you remember, there were 4 girls radicalised and went to Isis. All were at school. What few people know is that there was a fifth, a friend of theirs, who was home educated. Their parents caught the issue, dealt with it, and the 5th girl did NOT travel to Isis.

All in all, it is easy to generalise, as the above shows.

The core fact are that a) most home ed kids qualify better in terms of social skills, educational certifications and practical abilities than school ed kids (have a look at the numbers who leave school with no qualifications) and b) many home ed kids there because they are not a square peg that fits nicely into the school process.

There are many different home ed philosophies - many child lead, others more structured. The core issue is that if the parents are idiots, then be they at school or not, the children are going to have a tricky life.

Schools CAN work really well for those kids that fit well into a structured environment; I would never say that they do not. However, if you are a bit different, and do not want to be hammered into shape, home ed provides an option that can provide a life line for many children.

This idea that kids are socially stunted if they are home educated is so far from the truth for most families it is ridiculous (Hey! That's me generalising again!). Most home Ed kids learn to socialise within society, with mixed ages and abilities, rather than the artificial environment of a group of 40 kids all the same age, where playing with someone outside your year group is peer-group discouraged.

Truth is, at the moment, there seems to be some degree of split in the Home Ed community. Those who chose to do it and want to, and those who feel that they have no choice, forced into it by an underfunded/uncaring system. The latter can often struggle, as there is even less support for those outside the school system than those in it, but even then, it can STILL be much much better than forcing someone to attend school.

All in all, Home Education can be really really good for those who choose it, but can be very tricky for those forced into it.

Sorry - I'll get off my high horse!

I have a friend who home educates her eldest due to his SEN he really struggled in mainstream, but she didn’t feel that the local special schools would have suited him either and it would have me at a long school run for his due to their location.

Seems to be working for them. He’s the age to have left year 11, but she said she’ll do another year of “school” with him and then see if he wants to try college.

People home educate for all different reasons. There’s only one family I’ve met where I thought it really didn’t seem like a healthy environment. They sent their kids to my DCs school for a year, the mum was literally neurotic about everything and eventually took the kids out of school again despite them being happy and thriving because she just couldn’t cope without her daughter being her emotional crutch. They were an exception though rather than the rule.

@showerbeer

I feel that sometimes home education is chosen because of the parents’ anxiety and not what’s best for the child. Probably not that many, though, and I certainly support home ed when needed for Sen children.

I feel sometimes school is chosen because of the parents' anxiety and not what's best for the child.

I would have loved to homeschooling my dc. I imagine nature walks, history projects and trips to the harbour. Home baking and gardening would also feature heavily. In reality I'd fall into a rut and dc would spend all their time online!

Homeschooling can be a concern, I work in social care and it's surprising the amount of young people pulled out of school and into homeschooling when early help is referred for them. There isn't a lot that can be done then, lots of people who abuse their dc use homeschooling as a way to cover up. That shouldn't detract from the lovely idealistic homeschooling that others manage. I imagine their dc grow up very well rounded and confident as they wouldn't experience bullying/shit teachers (yes there are some, not every teacher is shit obvs)/feeling left out/getting to work to their strengths. All in all I'm jealous of the people that can afford to stay home and do history projects and castle visits all week!

I feel sometimes school is chosen because of the parents' anxiety and not what's best for the child.

it doesn't make the comment of the OP any less true. 🤷

Most of the parents around me who decided to home educate their children are a bit hippy, very wealthy and can afford to spend time with their children instead of working, to employ tutors when needed and more importantly to join all the local home ed groups and activities so their children have a great social life.

It doesn't mean all home ed children are lucky enough to be given the same opportunities, surely everyone can see that.

lots of people who abuse their dc use homeschooling as a way to cover up. Do they? Lots of people? How do you know? And if you know that, what are you doing to stop it?

Lots of people who abuse - not lots of people

I home ed my DC. I just didn't feel they were thriving or catered for at school, and they were not happy. No educational needs. It's meant a fair financial input from us, as we've privately entered them for exams and online courses, plus we do days out. Sometimes they attend home ed activity groups. We have a family hobby, and they have a hobby of their own, and meet people to socialise through that.

Everyone who meets my DC is impressed with their communication, knowledge and self sufficiency. I think they are pretty well rounded.

There are plenty of families like ours, where home ed has been really good for kids. But I do see other examples of home ed kids that worry me. We are also fortunate to have the time, money and education ourselves to do this. But this is not the case for everyone.

You can't put all home edders in one group, any more than you can generalise about all parents who send their kids to school.