Not bothering to respond to Rsvp

[Eatyouroatsplease]

Is this really rude?

I sent out an invite (via Whataspp & Fb) a few weeks ago for my DD’s birthday party, with a follow up message this past weekend. Party is in a few days, around half responded, thanking me and saying if they could or couldn’t come, some straightaway, some a few days later, no problem at all, life is hectic with kids.
But around half (perhaps a bit less) just haven’t responded at all (they’ve seen both messages)
Aibu to find this a bit rude?
I’m assuming this means they can’t come? 🤷🏻‍♀️I need to know numbers for party bags etc, I’m doing them today, should I just not include them?
Why would they leave it so long? I don’t know, for me, I’d respond either way to let the person know and to thank them for the invitation.

Another one has asked me to let her know about numbers and she’ll see if she will decide to come, due to covid, I get it, but that also seems rude to me 🙈I’m not going to inform her (well I can’t as don’t know numbers myself 🤣)
Another said she’s not sure she can make it as her son doesn’t eat ‘Sugary cake’ my Dd has a super healthy but balanced diet. I offered to get her an alternative for him..is it just me or are people fussy/rude/entitled 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's really rude. I'm sure if you were offering a million pounds on a certain date they'd suddenly be able to respond and 'life' wouldnt get in their way!

YANBU. I booked a birthday party for my son and needed to know how many were coming, we’d invited a specific number but a few didn’t bother replying, out of those one person turned up on the day who I obviously didn’t expect to as I hadn’t had a response from them at all.
I didn’t make any fuss over it, I was just happy my DS was having a good time but I do think it’s rude to ignore an invite. I understand how busy life can get and how forgetful we can all be but it takes less than minute to reply to someone, even if it’s to say they are unsure so put them down as a maybe!

Argh for my eldest a few years ago we invited people didn't get many replies by the RSVP date, the day before got a few yes, including 3 who hadn't been invited but still not all who had been asked then on the day everyone turned up plus a couple of siblings including 2 who had replied no. Never again

I tend to post a message saying if I don't hear from you within xx date that I assume you cannot make it.

Yanbu.

Our wedding is a week on Friday. Some evening guests still haven't replied - we're still under restrictions so numbers are tight

Will be chasing them tomorrow to uninvite them!

Very rude. I had this with DDs birthday when she turned 4. Chased one of the Mums three times to let me know. Very limited numbers and I'd paid for each place. Assumed they weren't coming, told a friend to bring a sibling. On the day she rocked up 45 minutes late with her DS AND a sibling. Put venue over their numbers and I got a telling off. I was furious! How bloody hard is it to type 'yes please' or 'no sorry'. We're all busy!

@Ponoka7

I'm currently babysitting for someone on agency who gets their shifts on the day. My DD is having to grab any extra hours she can. Not everyone can commit ahead of time. Message again. Personally I'd make party bags just sweets and be a bit more relaxed.

If this is the case, then surely you would reply with ‘I’m sorry I can’t give you a definite yes or no until the day, if this doesn’t work for your plans then unfortunately it would need to be a no’.

OP, YANBU, it drives me mad. I would do a last text. ‘Hi, I’m making final preparations for the numbers today, please could you let me know by the end of the day if you are planning and coming or not’ thanks

If you want to use the nuclear option, send a message out to the whole group and say, I have listed the confirmed yeses for DDs party. If you are not on this list and dont RSVP yes to me by Wednesday at 6pm, I will assume you are a no. For the parents that are hoping to make the party, I know logistics can be complicated, but I do need a firm yes or no by Wed 6 pm so that I can plan.

The public shaming will probably flush 90% of the remaining answers. You will then just get the usual CFuckery on the day but at least the disorganized ones will have answered and keep the chaos to a minimum.

Then task a ‘take no prisoners’ friend or relative to welcome people at the door and repel uninvited siblings, take cell phone numbers (and details of who is collecting which child) and remind everyone of the pick up time.

@Eatyouroatsplease

How would you interpret:

‘We’ll try to be there’

And

‘We hope to be there’

🤷🏻‍♀️

Two responses I’m guessing likely won’t turn up?

I would say the ‘we’ll try to be there’ will be a no show and the ‘we hope to make it’ will turn up. I’m guessing the hope to make it is planning on coming but someone could end up isolating for example so sort of all being well unless anything major happens they hope to be there. I’ll try to be there means you’re way down a list of priorities and if nothing else comes up and the kids are bored she might let them grace you with their presence.

I’m another one saying this is only the tip of the iceberg, it is completely normal (unfortunately) and bloody infuriating.

@Heronwatcher

Because life? Maybe some people have muted the WhatsApp? Maybe some people had to check other plans and then forgot. Yes it is a bit rude but unlikely to be intentional. Send another message reminding people and indicate that if you haven’t had a yes you’ll assume a no. But bear in mind some people might turn up anyway. Unless it’s a pay per person event I would just cater for a few more to be safe.

And this is just indicative of how rude and entitled people have become.

It's extremely rude. "Because life" is a pathetic excuse. It takes 5 seconds to send a Yes Please or No Sorry message.
I'd send one more message stating you need final numbers by X time and X date, so if you've not heard by then you'll assume they're not coming.
Alternatively, you could actually phone the non-replyers and try to speak to them directly, if you have the time.

My best advice is make sure you have spare adults available to help manage the extras/younger siblings if you get any dumped on you.

My worst party still etched on my memory was when it was just DH and myself trying to manage 12 kids running amok around the house and very large garden, inc. a younger sibling of invitee with SN who was a lovely little boy but a complete bulldozer and ideally needed supervising quite closely. Parent was supposed to be dropping off older sibling to another activity and it wouldn't be for long... famous last words.

A couple of parents who had previously said they'd stay and help...didn't.

We had games planned and DH did his best to manage the kids and I supervised the food. I'd made lots thinking more parents would stay and need feeding!

We were both totally wrecked by the evening.

I cannot believe people leave uninvited siblings unattended. Thats mental!!

My DD had her first birthday party a couple of weeks ago and I was in a total flap about whether it was okay to bring her little brother if DH was working away. If I'd had no other option I would have messaged in advance and made it very clear that a no was absolutely fine.

Those of you who wouldn't invite those who don't reply again remember that the ultimate attendees are children, who are at no fault at all if their parents are hopeless and/or rude. Also, I hope the little girl whos invite got lost wasn't the only one in a class who wasn't invited. Otherwise her mother was quite right to text, poor kid.

It is absolutely rude not to RSVP, I haven't done any proper kids parties yet but have been throwing parties for years. I ALWAYS over cater (though try very hard not to let any go to waste).

Re. party bags... perhaps consider things that can be used in next years party bags or siblings. That way you can stock up and put away if not used.

I wouldn't be too OTT about demanding replies since, although rude, isn't that critical and will make you the mummy who cried wolf when you really do need replies for organised events.

It's rude. Next time, put a date by which you need the RSVP.

Really rude. I always rsvp straight away! Was a bit taken aback with someone using the class whatsapp though to chase RSVPs the other day though even though the whole class wasn't invited!

YANBU! You need to know for catering and party bags so you're not adding loads of expense for kids who probably won't even slow up. Sadly, this is the curse of a summer born child though (at least in normal times...) Parents want to keep their options open in case something better comes up if the weather is good. One year my DD had a party on a super rainy day and I had 4 RSVPs on the day and kids showing up with siblings without RSVPing at all. I'm sure that wouldn't have happened if the weather had been good though

SeaToSki I love your idea of basically a party bouncer at the door. I never had an uninvited sibling time up and DS had a party every year. Smaller ones as he got older but he had two whole class parties.

I also had a Halloween party for a few years, the other Mums loved it. We had 20 kids one year and one of the Mums helped me decorate the house the weekend before.

It’s incredibly rude not to rsvp I would imagine 1 time in 100 there is a valid excuse not to such as a seriously ill relative.