To go back to work 6 months early

[Newmum29]

I’m really struggling. I know no one can decide for me but keen to ask advice from those who’ve done it.

First child was born 3 months ago. She’s wonderful. Very wanted and plan was for me to take 9-12 months maternity leave depending on hubby being able to take 12 weeks paid leave at the end. He was made redundant 2 weeks before she was born.

I was unhappy in my job and happy to leave for an extended period. Whilst on maternity I’ve been offered a new better paying job but would need to start when LO is 6 months. No flexibility on the date.

AIBU to consider taking it? Hubby may have a new job or he may be at home with Bub, MIL will also be doing 1 day and I’ll be 4 days a week.

Congratulations on your new baby! Sorry for your dilemma, it really is very difficult!
Is the job you’ve been offered your dream job? Or something which you really, really want? Is it a rare opportunity that may not come round again soon?

I think if you are unhappy in your current role it would be sensible to seriously consider this new role. It all depends how you feel about going back early really.

On here everyone seems to take huge amounts of maternity leave as time with your precious bundle is just so so amazing!!!
If it makes sense then do it. I went back at 6 months with my first for reasons similar to yours. Arranged to take a year with second. Bored silly and going to go back at 8 months. I'm a better parent when I get some time away from them and arnt on MN at silly o'clock just so I can get some work done after they go to sleep . Which is impossible.
Children don't just need mum, they need a solvent parent, a roof, clothes and preferably soft play cos it makes your life easier.

Go for it! I went back at 6 months with DC1 all fine

I would do it though preferably on the basis that DH committed to 12 weeks if at all possible. Appreciate that being made redundant can be flipping terrifying and he may prefer to take the first decent job that comes along but they may be prepared to give him a month or two if someone else is working their notice.

Nurseries are tricky this young (not all will take before 9 months) and exposes a baby to a lot of bugs and viruses. Which they will pick up eventually anyway, it's just a bit easier when they are older.
So childminder, nanny, shared nanny, MIL if DH gets a job offer he can't refuse. Long term financial security is important for you all and the economy is not in a great place.
You will miss a lot of weaning but spooning carrot purée into a baby for hours every day is over-rated. You will have evenings and weekends and it's debatable whether you'll be in an office full time anyway.

Most of all, assuming your DH gets a few months at home with your baby, it will entirely change his relationship with the baby and in my experience how hands on he is as a parent and create a more equitable relationship going forward.

Thanks all. To answer a question, it’s not my dream job but it’s a great job and a rare opp. I’ve been looking for a new role for the past 2 years (should never have taken the job I have now but can’t go back in time). My big guilt is around leaving the baby early as I’m constantly told I “won’t get this time back” and financially I don’t HAVE to go back till after the full year. Very good point on nursery. Not sure I would be willing to put her in 3 days a week at 6 months but that’s the worse case scenario.

You might as well try it and then you know either way! If you hate it or it just doesn’t work you can leave and your CV will say maternity leave for that period. If you did have to put your baby in nursery for 3 days she’d still have you 3 whole days a week and your MIL one day which is lovely. Good luck, whatever you decide

You were unhappy at your job before, you have been offered a better job & DH might still be home to look after DC to begin with but if it makes you happy, then go for it - I went back when DD was 6 months old.

I'd snap up the job.

My big guilt is around leaving the baby early as I’m constantly told I “won’t get this time back
The truth is that in a couple of years you won't care that much. Life moves on.

Sorry to hear about your DH's redundancy. Sounds like it threw a spanner in the works.

The new job sounds a good opportunity. A couple of thoughts from my experience:

DH took 12 weeks after my 9 months and it made my going back to work so much easier. All I had to worry about was getting up and out, no concern about the baby being ill and preventing me going into work that day.

Also, DH having that sole carer responsibility means that he will be capable of looking after your child. I had friends who couldn't go out in the evening because their DHs couldn't (wouldn't) settle the baby.

I would seriously consider taking the new job on the condition DH doesn't start a new job until the baby is 9 months old. Nurseries do refuse to take children with temperatures and running nappies, so it is inevitable one of you would be calling work to say you couldn't come in that day. And you won't have the goodwill in the bank in a new job that you would have somewhere where you are known.

I would also encourage you to consider that DH also lols for a part time role when he goes back. So many women's jobs become "less important " than the man's after children and it seems to me that the decisions you make now will set the expectations for how you will co-parent.

Having said all this, these are all personal decisions. I work ft in a very demanding job and Dh works 3 days and I know this wouldn't suit everyone, but I have avoided the motherhood penalty.

I went back after a year, the only thing I’d say is it’s hard when they’re a bit unwell (and it can happen a lot due to teething, little coughs/colds, etc). It can be exhausting, but does get better. Good luck whatever you decide.

I had around 7months off with all of my children. When I first went back to work, my ILS had baby, then baby went to nursery/childminder at around a year old.
It is hard work, sleepless nights, missing baby, not seeing all the little firsts, but it worked for us. We made our weekends special!
Good luck with your decision making.

I think it sounds like a great opportunity. I'd take it! As mums we're constantly subjected to so much guilt tripping but at the end of the day you have to do what's right for your individual situation.

I'd do it.

I went back after 4 months with DS.

It was hard because I wanted more time with DS but I was shocked to find that I got so absorbed at work that I barely thought about him during the day.

It's probably better to go back earlier to a good job than to an awful one later.

I'd do it. I had to go back around that point each time as I couldn't afford longer. I don't regret it.

I wouldn’t at such a young age full time OP- honestly I’m not sugar coating motherhood or knocking working mothers- I went back 4 days a wk with my eldest at 8 months- but you really won’t get this time back: if it’s not a dream job, if you don’t need the money, then I wouldn’t.

I went back to work after 6 months - I haven't regretted it at all. My daughter settled with the childminder amazing and still loves going. I may get slated for saying this, but... at 6 months, she still wasn't wonderfully interesting!

I had 6 months off with my first, considered going back after 4 months with my second when a secondment came up I wanted to do (it didn't pan out so went back after 6 months), and took 4.5 months with third. My husband did go part time before DC3 was born, and took shared parental leave for DC3, but DC1 and DC2 both thrived at full time nursery as babies and I have a job I love. DC3 went to nursery at 9 months and actually took longer to settle in! Our nursery take from 6 weeks so no issue there, but we had names on the waiting list before they were born to make sure we got a place. I also work for a US company (in the UK) where short maternity leaves are the norm, but some of my UK colleagues were surprised to see me back 'so soon' and I did get the guilt especially with DC1 (I was ready for it with DC2 and DC3 and had some stock answers prepared!) But that's probably not an issue if you are starting a new job.

The nursery point is utter tosh, plenty of places take babies from 6m (and before). Honestly, I think in your shoes I would go for it. I was ready to go back at 9m anyway (and did with my second in similar situations to yours). If you want to work and have young kids it is so much better if you enjoy and are fulfilled by your work.

I would do it. Not many in the uk go back at 6 months but in places like the US, mums go back at this point all the time or even younger at like 3 months. I know many who have done this and both them and baby were fine. It’s not ideal obviously if you had planned to be off longer but sometimes circumstances dictate. I wouldn’t go back to a crap job. It’s hard enough going back when you like your job as you still may be up at night etc and tired. Makes all the difference if the job is one you want to go to

I don’t think I would to be honest and I say that as someone whose career is important to them but if I’d gone back when my DC were 6 months I’d of been exhausted with the sleep deprivation and trying to work and also I’m trying not to say you won’t get that time back but it’s very true and will likely be one of the few times you can take that amount of time off with your DC. I’m now back at work after my second DC and I won’t be having more and I’m glad I pushed money to last to have as much time off as I could.

I'd go for the job, especially as you're going to be doing 4 days a week. You'll still have 3 days every week to be with your baby. I wouldn't give up a good opportunity for the sake of a few months.

I went back at 6 months as DP was unemployed at the time so it made no financial sense to stay home. I was sad at the time as I worried about the bond with my daughter - but 12 years on I can see I had nothing to worry about.

I had to go back to work when DS was 6 weeks old. It was 1980s and we didn't get a year off then and I was a single parent. It was too early really but I'd have been happy to go back part time at 6 months. By then you really need to spend more time with other adults.