To go back to work 6 months early

[Newmum29]

I’m really struggling. I know no one can decide for me but keen to ask advice from those who’ve done it.

First child was born 3 months ago. She’s wonderful. Very wanted and plan was for me to take 9-12 months maternity leave depending on hubby being able to take 12 weeks paid leave at the end. He was made redundant 2 weeks before she was born.

I was unhappy in my job and happy to leave for an extended period. Whilst on maternity I’ve been offered a new better paying job but would need to start when LO is 6 months. No flexibility on the date.

AIBU to consider taking it? Hubby may have a new job or he may be at home with Bub, MIL will also be doing 1 day and I’ll be 4 days a week.

Take the job and go back to work OP. I had 6 months off with DD and 10 weeks with DS. I was the main earner of the house at the time so as soon as maternity pay dropped to £100 a week I had to return. I don't regret it, I was isolated away from friends and support and so very bored. Kids were well cared for by my DM while I was at work and I was lucky to not miss a thing. They were happy as I was happy and not stressed about money and bored - everyone wins.

I would take it, it's a shame to pass it up. Baby will be 6 months so not tiny. I went when my eldest was 7months and doing the same this time too

I have three kids, had a year with the first two and 9 months with the second.

There is the whole 'you won't get the time back' thing, but the reality is that the baby won't remember any of it. If they are well cared for by dad/childminder or whatever then that's what matters. Maternity leave is really pretty boring with one child to be honest, I don't look back on on my year with DS1 with wonderment or anything, I was bored and a bit lonely.

It will be tiring, but that doesn't hugely change between 6 months and a year anyway.

I would do it in your shoes. Get the new job and you can look at taking a break later on maybe, depending on their annual leave provision etc. If DH can take an extended period of leave then it's a no brainer.

I went back early at 8 1/2 months but I was getting depressed and bored silly being stuck in the house with a crying baby all day (during lockdown).

I don't think 6 months is too bad, it starts to feel all very samey after a while so getting back to work was interesting. But it totally depends on what your doing with your maternity leave and if you're enjoying it.

I’d do it. I went back early myself because I hated maternity leave.

It’s increasingly common to share leave. I would take the job and have your dp take 6-12 weeks off to deal with nursery settling.
I am self employed and my ds started nursery at 6mo for three short days a week, building up over time. I have never regretted that.

Take the job. I went back at six months with my DC, as six months was all we got then. A year off is relatively new.

Personally I didn't like maternity leave that much. I love my children and took a year each time but was so bored and lonely by the end each time. So for a new job which would actually make you happy long term I'd definitely consider cutting leave short.

You may want to think about a CM fir a child under 2. As it is a more homelike environment I always felt it was better for a younger one.
I managed a nursery and was CM for many years I know which i would have put a 6 month old with.

Thanks all. I think I’d be much more comfortable with her being with hubby and MIL vs nursery but there’s a lot of variables at the moment. Really pleasantly surprised so many people went back at 6 months and didn’t regret it. I’m not hugely enjoying maternity leave but that may be because hubby and I are on top of each other, my family are overseas and most of my friends don’t have kids so with lockdown as well it’s been lonely and a huge adjustment.

I went back to work when first DS was just approaching 6 months (to a new job) and when my DD was just over 7 months.
It had to be done for both financial reasons and I'm just not cut out to SAH.

OP, life often gets in the way of plans.

Two years looking for an opportunity to move?
Take it.

Your baby will benefit from a happy mum.

Make your decision and forget about it and try and enjoy the rest of your time with the baby.

Yes this time is special, but you have lots of special times to look forward to.

I think stress takes from those special times, so if taking the job relieves the stresz, grab it.

OP tell anyone subtly(or overtly) guilting you to bog off. None of their business.

"You don't get the time back" ffs. You aren't going to Mars, you will see your baby after going back to work. Yes a bit less than if full time SAHM but it's only a few months, and a better job making you happy is important too. Over the past 25+ years I've had staff come back at 3/6/9/12 months full and part time, with all manner of working patterns and childcare arrangements. I even had one return when baby was 3 weeks but that's a whole other story! I can't think of any who regretted their choices, other than a few who wished they'd come back sooner as they were so bored at home!

Shit I hate people laying guilt on parents, usually mothers, for making perfectly reasonable life choices. So whatever you decide, nip the mum guilt in the bud now, you've got years of decisions still to come and guilt helps no one least of all you and your child.

OP do what is best for your family.
When mine were tiny 3 months was normal maternity leave. Admittedly there were probably more SAHMs and fully bf beyond weaning ( also earlier) was less usual but all the same it was completely socially acceptable .I knew several women who went back to work earlier than that either because they found being at home very stressful or because they were the main wage earner.

I'd do it, if you had a job to go back to I'd think twice, but if it's better than you've seen for 2 years id snap it up for the sake of a few months.

Presume no scope to work part time for a little while or anything.

@Newmum29.
Hi, I honestly get the "new mum guilt thing" and you do have a lot on your plate at the moment. But with employment as it is and given the fact that you were not happy in your job then I would give it some serious thought.

I used to be a childminder and tge youngest baby that I minded was three months when they came to me. If I wée you I would contact your local council and phone round to see if any minders would be willing to meet up up for a chat/coffee. Obviously no obligation on either side but no harm in starting to check your options.
Good luck. Oh and massive congratulations. 💐

I would do it. I really enjoyed my maternity leaves and took around a year each time but a rewarding job you enjoy is going to make a much bigger impact on your long-term happiness.

I also agree with pp and would definitely be looking for a childminder rather than a nursery for such a small baby. I actually favour CMs up until about 2.5 but think the home setting and consistent carer is especially important for the first 1.5 years.

Dh was a sahd. I went back at 9 months. Dh did brilliantly. Since its first job you have seen that appeals, I would take it.

Go for it. In Sweden many mums go back at 6 months and swap with dad. It’s great for the baby and for mum. In the UK civil service it’s common for mums to come back at 9 months and for dad to do some paternity leave. If you can, maybe try to negotiate 4 days a week for the first couple of months or some working from home. You’ll have heaps of time with the baby over weekends and evenings (and the middle of the night!!).

why would that be unreasonable? once you are not breastfeeding all the fecking time it is perfectly fine for dh to look after dd. I know of women who fed morning and evening to keep it up if it applies to you. in fact some women went back to work earlierr and fed a lot in non work hours.

There are significant numbers of American women who have to go back after two weeks because they can’t afford to do anything else. In many places and circumstances, you can loose your job for longer leave.

Do it. u have the support, baby will be happy with MIL or dad, takes a village to raise a child!

It's very normal to go back after 6 months, was the max when I had mine. You need to do what's right for you long term, a baby is better off with a mother who likes her job. Look at different childcare options eg childminder, pt nanny etc perhaps to see what works best for you

You wouldn’t be leaving the baby early, you’d be taking a six month leave. Lots of people do that. If you were in America six months would be a very very long period of time!

Congrats on your job offer.

I went back at 5 months as you only got 6 months leave at the time. I ve also done the full year with baby number two. It was brutal the second time I think because I'd been off so long but probably two kids too also was in a new job. But both times fine and both kids fine. My own mum went back as 6 weeks as I was too easy a baby and bored her lol