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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dread seeing people I went to school with?

33 replies

Fooldoththinkheiswise · 05/07/2021 18:37

Every couple of years I end up attending an event (wedding, big birthday etc.) where I’m bound to run into people I went to school with. I absolutely dread the prospect of this and I don’t know why. I have a nice life with DH/DC and a job I’m proud of; I never ‘fell out’ with any of them (beyond normal teenage girl bitchiness), so I just can’t understand why I feel so nervous/self conscious in these situations.

I feel like an absolute freak for worrying about these events so much (sometimes before they’re even planned)! AIBU or do other people get this? I’m usually quite a confident person so just can’t understand why I feel the was I do.

If you have experienced this, please tell me how you deal with it.

OP posts:
PaySeeWhiTa · 05/07/2021 21:10

I'm the same. It's not just people from school but people from other past phases of my life. It's like I feel a burning shame and embarrassment even though like you, there's no bad history or falling out or anything! It's like them knowing the old me is too personal or something even though I'm not ashamed of the person I was. I have a happy normal life too. It's bizarre! I thought it was a weird quirk in me. I just avoid avoid avoid those situations.

Umberellatheweatha · 05/07/2021 21:14

Perfectly normal. Think everyone from a small town gets it really. Its cringeworthy to think of running into anyone I knew from school.

MargaretFraggle · 05/07/2021 21:14

Me too! And not just school.

wanderedlonelyasacloud · 05/07/2021 21:17

Same!

I'm going to an upcoming hen and then wedding for one of my friends and shes still close with loads of people from school and I'm dreading seeing them tbh

TheLeadbetterLife · 05/07/2021 21:20

@Umberellatheweatha

Perfectly normal. Think everyone from a small town gets it really. Its cringeworthy to think of running into anyone I knew from school.
Really? I’m from a small town and I absolutely love meeting up with old friends. It’s been 20 years since we left school and covid meant there was no reunion last year. I was really looking forward to it.
TourdeTarte · 05/07/2021 21:21

I'm exactly the same. I dread going to my shitty hometown in case I see someone from the old days. I have no interest in interacting with any of them.

tttigress · 05/07/2021 21:24

I quite like it up to a point.

I guess the fear is everyone will revert to the roles they played when they were 18 or whatever, which does feel like it's happening when I attend these events.

JeansShirtJeansJacket · 05/07/2021 21:25

I'm the same, but not about school, I'm like this about uni. I don't know why. Maybe because it was so long ago and I'm so different now? I wasn't very happy at uni so I think they remind me of unhappy times.

TheLeadbetterLife · 05/07/2021 21:25

@tttigress

I quite like it up to a point.

I guess the fear is everyone will revert to the roles they played when they were 18 or whatever, which does feel like it's happening when I attend these events.

I think this is why I enjoy it - it’s like an elixir of youth!
prettydesertflower · 05/07/2021 21:28

I am the same. My school mates are nice enough people but I am just not the person I was then and when we get together I find we have very little in common anymore.

As we don’t really have much in common, there is the sadly common “wealth/status/ success signaling” which accompanies these gatherings which is frankly quite boring even though I have a great life and could stealth boast with the best of them. I just don’t like to boast about my success and achievements. Feels like I am showing off and it’s a bit insensitive to those who may not have much materially.

Umberellatheweatha · 05/07/2021 21:38

@TheLeadbetterLife

'Old friends' sure. People I knew from school, hell no.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 05/07/2021 21:43

Forced small talk. It's excruciating

Howcanthisbe123 · 05/07/2021 21:45

I’m the same, I’m too busy living life now and looking ahead, mingling with people from a long ago past does nothing for me and makes me feel I’m back there when I’ve outgrown that life.

TheLeadbetterLife · 05/07/2021 21:47

[quote Umberellatheweatha]@TheLeadbetterLife

'Old friends' sure. People I knew from school, hell no.[/quote]
I feel completely neutral about the ones who aren’t friends. It certainly wouldn’t bother me to run into them.

Eeyoreswigwam · 05/07/2021 21:51

I would honestly rather eat my own feet than attend my school reunion!

Hazelnutwhirl · 05/07/2021 21:52

Me too, I can’t think of anything worse but then my life is an embarrassment.

missbunnyrabbit · 05/07/2021 22:16

I moved to a different city because of this. Grin

Crockof · 05/07/2021 22:40

@Eeyoreswigwam

I would honestly rather eat my own feet than attend my school reunion!
So would I Grin
thefirstmrsrochester · 05/07/2021 22:51

I just couldn’t countenance a high school reunion (dingied my schools big anniversary), and I’ve moved around and I’d not know a former school friend if they smacked me in the face.

MargaretFraggle · 06/07/2021 08:44

I am from a small town and I am still close with 3/4 old friends. I like seeing them but it's everyone else from school I dread seeing or hearing about. It brings back all the social awkwardness and hierarchy of that time.

Original poster
Fooldoththinkheiswise · 06/07/2021 11:27

Thank you all so much for your replies. I couldn’t figure out why I felt like this when I’m so happy with my adult life and proud of my achievements. You’ve made me realise that’s exactly why I don’t enjoy these events as much as some: I’m much happier now than I was when I was 15! A typical weekend with my family and the friends I’ve made as an adult is so much better than attending a party with people who I haven’t had anything in common with since I was a child! Thanks all xx

OP posts:
igelkott2021 · 06/07/2021 11:35

@Eeyoreswigwam

I would honestly rather eat my own feet than attend my school reunion!
Me too. I can see my school's alumni page on Facebook as it's a public group and it's quite interesting looking from a distance, but I'd definitely not want to see 95% of them again and am still in contact with the few I do.
Crimeismymiddlename · 06/07/2021 15:24

Oh god yes, all seem to be nice people but they all seem to look great, married, children, good job and house while I look awful and ten years older and while I have own home and good job I am not married or have children. I know they don’t care but I just cringe inside if I bump into anyone in my home town.

ShirleyPhallus · 06/07/2021 15:29

I can’t think of anything worse.

It’s because I have more than twice the age behind me of the age I was at school, and it makes me feel quite sad when people revert to just talking about those years. It’s like all your years of university / early 20s / house buying / child rearing / career development years haven’t ever happened and you have to talk about the time Sarah Jayne got sent out of science or when you fell over on sports day.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 06/07/2021 15:32

I don't think it's unusual OP. It somehow makes you feel 15 again to launch back into that social world. I'm nosy about what people are up to but have no interest in seeing most of my old school mates again (apart from the few I'm still friends with).

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