To want to shout at people that I don't have a eating disorder!

[GuineaP1g]

I've lost a lot of weight over the past year.

Gone from a size 22 to a size 12.

But I'm short (5ft) and so still at a size 12 my BMI is closer to obese than healthy.

And yet - now daily - I'm getting friends, family and even people who barely know me (school mums) giving me the "don't lose any more" "you don't want to get gaunt" nonsense.

Yesterday my sister told me I should ignore BMI now. My best friend told me I was too skinny.

The day before my mother in law said I can't possibly have anything else left to lose.

Etc etc.

It's really getting me down as I eat so much healthier than I have the rest of my life. Finally exercise. And yet my weight and eating is criticised more than when I had diabetes and was morbidly obese!

Honestly, it’s just jealousy.

You are making them confront their feelings about their own bodies, and it can make them feel uncomfortable.

Smile, nod, and ignore it.

Well done on the weight loss! I’m at the start of my WLJ and can’t wait to be a size 12 again!

That is a huge amount of weight to lose in one year and usually rapid weight loss comes with it's own host of issues. It sounds as though people are worried about you. Have you had health checks with the doctor's?

The exact same thing happened to my Mum when she lost weight. She went from a size 18/20 to a 12 in about 9 months, taking her BMI to ‘overweight’. She’s much healthier, happier and mobile, yet people she barely knew were practically begging her to stop losing weight. I’m not sure what their motives were, but she’s much healthier now than any other time in her adult life and I can’t imagine anyone seeing that as anything but positive.

Congratulations on your weight loose.

My H had this years ago and I'm sure it's because he looked so different and such a drastic change in size. He looked underweight to them even though he wasn't.
It took a long time for his weight to appear normal to others.

Firstly, congratulations!

Secondly, I suspect it's shock. That's a huge amount of weight to lose in a year so you must look very, very different. It can take people a long time to adjust sometimes.

Congratulations OP. When more than half of the adult population are overweight or obese, the average person we encounter is overweight and we forget what someone of a healthy weight should look like.

When I was a teenager I complimented a friend on their weight lost and they responded by explaining they have an eating disorder and I felt seriously bad. I must admit this has made me automatically on the cautious/concerned side if someone I know loses weight fast.

Maybe it's the rapidness of it that's making people concerned? If you're happy and you're losing in a healthy way then maybe explain this to them and hopefully the comments stop?

Do they sound concerned or do they sound jealous?

How did you do it?!

Ignore them. Now tell us how you did it.

They're more than likely (irrationally) concerned. They're used to seeing you a certain way, and such a drastic change will make you look entirely different. Also, although you're a healthy size 12, you may look smaller to others. I'm a small 12, but my family seem sure I'm an 8. That's because they're used to me being obese, and because as a society we're used to people being larger sized, anyone small seems very small!

(My family definitely aren't jealous!)

I've had this happen to me too!

It's strange. No one's willing to speak up and tell you that you're over weight and should stop stuffing your face. But as soon as you lose weight everyone thinks its OK to tell you to stop!

I've had similar comments and I've only dropped from 14/16 to 10/12 but have had comments about "fading away" and "enough is enough". I can still grab handfuls of fat - I could lose another stone and still be in the healthy weight range! I'm not overweight now but I am certainly not underweight and I am getting fed up of comments suggesting that have something wrong with me!
No answers sorry, but I know how you feel.
Well done on the loss, and don't let people undermine you.

That’s a lot of weight to lose op, congratulations! I haven’t lost that much, but went from a 16 to 10 during lockdown. A lot of school mums hadn’t seen me for a while and a few asked if I was ok. I presume they thought I had lost weight due to illness, which I suppose is a reasonable assumption during a pandemic. I haven’t had anyone say I’ve lost too much though.

A lot of it will be due to their personal feelings about their own weight. We do have quite a skewed idea of what’s healthy weight nowadays.

Enjoy it op. It’s a big achievement!

It’s not jealously.
They will either be genuinely worried that you are loosing too much too quickly or they are complimenting you on how good you look. I hear it loads of times when someone looses weight people say wow there’ll be nothing left of you soon etc

Thats a fantastic weight loss, how has it impacted on your diabetes ?

I lurk on a FB group and as the diet results in quite fast and significant weight loss, this sort of unwelcome feedback seems to be a common theme.

I think that when people lose a lot if weight quickly, they often look shockingly different, and that can be alarming to people who are used to them looking one way. And I can think of a couple of friends who lost a lot of weight and ended up with a BMI of around 24, so not underweight at all, but who had lost a lot of fat without building up much muscle, and who had lot a dramatic amount of weight from their faces in particular, and so looked very gaunt and unhealthy until they'd maintained their weight for a while and the fat and muscle sort of redistributed itself back to a healthier looking shape.

It is jealousy. They've seen you as 'bigger' than them, now you might be smaller than them and it makes them feel threatened.

It can be a mix, I work with someone who has lost a lot of weight really fast and I was shocked as she looked a bit drawn. I wouldn’t have said it to her though! I congratulated her

I’m not sure it’s all jealousy. Your MIL for example, I’m sure there’s genuine concern amongst less helpful comments. Do you think you might have an eating disorder OP?

Congratulations on the weight loss. That's a fantastic achievement!

I suspect that because you've gone from really big to healthy in a short space of time you look skinny to these people because they still have this image of the fat you that they're comparing to size 12 you. Iyswim.

Not that that makes it ok to comment of course, but I expect that once they are used to it they will not think you look skinny, just healthy.

Congratulations!!!

My mum does this when I lose weight. I think people just get used to seeing you a certain way and it's a shock when that changes.

You've done an amazing thing for your overall health. Ignore them.

Amazing.

They are jealous and threatened. Ignore and keep up the amazing work you have done for your health and your family’s well being.

@FreeBritnee

I’m not sure it’s all jealousy. Your MIL for example, I’m sure there’s genuine concern amongst less helpful comments. Do you think you might have an eating disorder OP?

No. I can 100% say I do not have an eating disorder.

I did for the previous 20 years I'm sure. But for the past year quite the opposite.

I eat 2 very healthy meals per day. Fresh, healthy food. Not processed. Not small portions. I never go hungry. Plenty of healthy meats and fats.

Was so much hungrier in the past on Slimming world, weight watchers etc. And eating so much more sugar then too.

Well done! I went down from a BMI of 53 to 27.5, I'm a size 12 but still overweight and could easily lose another stone or 2 (I got pregnant so I'm focusing on healthy weight gain right now). I've had people tell me I've gone too far and need to stop, and I've been told in real life and on here that a size 12 can't possibly be overweight so I must have some kind of delusion.

OP: I’m getting fed up with people asking if I have an eating disorder

FreeBritnee: Do you think you might have an eating disorder?

Not helpful!

Congrats on the huge weight loss OP. I’m sure it’s just because you look so drastically different - our brains process that change as something to be worried about. When I see celebrities for example Rebel Wilson or John Goodman, who’ve lost a lot of weight, the first instinct is to worry that they have some illness that has made them lose weight, as we’re used to seeing people ravaged by serious illness looking suddenly thinner. Then you start to think “well if they’ve lost it so quickly it must have been a drastic diet” again thinking lack of health rather than a focus on it. I know the concern comes across a bit fake, and in some ways it probably is, as you say nobody was worrying about your health when you were overweight with diabetes, but it’s almost like we’re all told how hard losing weight is, so for you to have done it there must be some ‘trick’ or hack that simply can’t be legit!!

Just ignore them, carry on with what you’re doing as it’s clearly working for you. And yes, share your secrets!