I am a long time mumsnet member but have name changed for this. I am interested in opinions on the following scenario as I am in a terrible dilemma about what I should do for the best. I have 6 adult children and 3 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. At the time our 3 youngest children were at University - 2 of them were about to graduate as doctors. The cancer was a rare one and had already spread to the axillary lymph nodes . To cut a long story short this particular cancer [mucinous] apparently didn't respond well to chemo so I was advised that surgery and more extensive radiotherapy than normal would hopefully sort it out. I made the decision not to tell our children as I just couldn't face dropping a bomb like that into our family at the time although of course there is never a good time to deliver such news. The back story to that was that DH had had cancer 7 years previously and I really struggled to deal with DH at the same time as propping up all the children who were absolutely devastated let alone sorting my own feelings, needs etc. Thankfully, against all odds DH survived and the AC are still very protective of him and very watchful of his lifestyle/diet etc. to this day. I just knew that DH wouldn't be able to cope with it all let alone offer the AC's the necessary emotional support and I really wasn't in the right frame of mind either so it just seemed easier to keep it all a secret and for DH and I to just deal with it on our own. I attended one DD's graduation 2 days after surgery with 2 drains tucked in my knickers! So, I went through all the treatment without them knowing or suspecting a thing. Unfortunately it wasn't all plain sailing as the radiotherapy I had was extended up to my neck and destroyed my thyroid gland so I was quite unwell for some time afterwards until the problem was identified and I was prescribed levothyroxine for that. I then had a torn rotator cuff in the shoulder on the same side and needed surgery for that. The latest development is that I have now been diagnosed with lymphedema in the arm of the removed lymph glands and I think it is only a matter of time before one of the kids notices the swelling as there is quite a noticeable difference in the size of my two arms and hands. I'd just like to say at this point that the cancer wasn't one of the genetic types so it wasn't imperative for the girls to know from that point of view. Thank you if you've read this far. I'd be really interested to know how you would feel in this scenario if you were one of my adult DC's? I'm just so worried about hurting them but feel that I might need to tell them the truth now.