Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think comment from boss was out of order

76 replies

Littlejobsworth · 04/07/2021 14:31

I work 15 hours per week in one of my jobs, there are 5 of us doing the same job and we don't all work on the same days so if we ever want to swap a day it's ok as long as we get the ok from the boss (it's always like treading on eggshells as he's so moody)

A few weeks ago my husband told me late on Saturday night that he'd unexpectedly got the Monday off. As it happened to be his birthday he asked could I have it too if possible. As it was quite late I messaged on Sunday around 11am to the work group (boss not on that) to see if anyone could swap with me. I also messaged boss to ask if it was ok and said not to worry if it wasn't as I'd be in as normal. He read the message straight away but didn't reply.
One person said she could swap if I could tell her asap as she needs to swap her plans. I told her I was waiting for an answer. At 9.35pm he messaged to say yes if it could be covered and no if not. By then there were various messages on the other group saying x could do this and y could do that etc, all very confusing! but basically it was too late. So, I put a message on the group that includes boss ( I did this so that he/everyone knew exactly what was happening as there has been confusion in the past with people coming in due to swaps etc) to say "Hi guys, no worries for tomorrow I will be in as usual. Sorry for late reply was waiting on boss. See you all tomorrow"

At 11. 15pm that night I was woken up by my phone. A message from boss saying "I did not appreciate your sarcastic comment. If you are not happy with my management style I suggest you come and see me. You purposely made it look like I had not replied for almost ten hours"

To say I was fuming was an understatement!! I went in to see him the next day and he was livid. He said that I should not have told anyone that I was waiting for a reply from him. Well what was I supposed to tell them then? He said "you messaged me on a day out with my family and expect an immediate reply" I pointed out that I had not expected anything of the sort and had even said it wasn't an issue if not possible. I said "as for messaging you on a Sunday, you have messaged me many times after 11pm and on the weekend" his reply was "yes and??? I can do that as your manager"

The bit I am asking AIBU to is this.

He then said "you need to remember how good the company were to you, in giving you that time off for your mental health last year"

I was so taken aback I couldn't speak. My family had gone through an incredibly traumatic time and it had made me ill. I took 4 weeks unpaid with no sick pay.

Was he overstepping the mark with this comment?

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlejobsworth · 05/07/2021 00:56

Thank you for all your replies! I accept that I should not have mentioned in the group that I had been waiting for him although hand on heart there was no malice intended.

He is so tricky to deal with I spend ages thinking about the best way to approach him or phrase something. Other people find him the same! Yet with one woman he is a true delight. For instance, this particular lady had wasn't well and needed to go to A&E. she messaged him to explain and he replied straight away sending several messages throughout the day, even asking if she needed him to go shopping and take it to her house. Literally the following week I suffered a nasty injury in the morning and called my Gp who sent me straight to A&E. I messaged him explaining my injury and what had happened. Apologised for not being in etc etc. That was at 8.30am. He read my message and at 5pm replied "ok"

I definitely need to look for another job. Oh and for those asking we do not have anyone looking after HR. It just doesn't exist.

OP posts:
princessandthedragon · 05/07/2021 01:07

I couldn’t work for someone like that. He sounds horrible

Mediumred · 05/07/2021 01:32

He sounds a massive prick. He says he needs to OK any swaps but then doesn’t do it, ok, it’s a weekend but he will contact staff then, and his comment about your mental health is just awful, a real dinosaur.

I’m a manager and people just let me know about swaps, I encourage it, our hours are antisocial so we should try to make the rota work for us as much as possible in my view, lots of swaps going on around the footie as keen fans swap with those who aren’t really bothered, all good!

QueenBee52 · 05/07/2021 01:33

If he does not want the responsibility of the Shift Changes within the Team, then why does he insist on approving the changes.

He needs to step back and let the Team manage the shifts, if he cannot do that then he needs to respond to change requests in a timely manner. He can't have it both ways.

Sounds like an utter dick tbh.

YANBU.

Happy Birthday to your DH. Flowers

memberofthewedding · 05/07/2021 02:34

Unless it was to tell me that a nuclear bomb was about to drop I would not respond to a message or phone call from a workplace after 9pm! I did have a mobile in the last place I worked but it was turned off and put into my bag at 9pm. I also dont take calls on my landline after that time unless the caller is a close friend or relative - and not even then.

Any manager who called me at 11.30 on a sunday would get down the banks.

QueenBee52 · 05/07/2021 02:44

@memberofthewedding

Unless it was to tell me that a nuclear bomb was about to drop I would not respond to a message or phone call from a workplace after 9pm! I did have a mobile in the last place I worked but it was turned off and put into my bag at 9pm. I also dont take calls on my landline after that time unless the caller is a close friend or relative - and not even then.

Any manager who called me at 11.30 on a sunday would get down the banks.

Which is all well and good, BUT he insists on approving all shift changes, so the entire Team needs to wait... so how can you approve those changes with your Phone switched off ?
Peoniesandpeaches · 05/07/2021 03:56

If he felt your tone was rude he should have clarified with you not waited a few hours obviously sulking before sending his message (which coupled with the time could have caused undue worry). He was unprofessional with his comment about your mental health.

Clydesider · 05/07/2021 04:34

If you're sick, you're sick. The company aren't doing you favours. They can't force you to work when you're ill. He was bang out of line bringing it up in that manner.

KingdomScrolls · 05/07/2021 04:49

His comment about your health was unacceptable. I'd be taking it to my Union and raising a grievance. I'm not sure why you need to wait for him to ok a like for like shift swap if you're the same pay grade, job role and experience, surely it doesn't matter to him who does it? Personally I would've put the cover in place then messaged to say Joan and I have swapped days Monday for Thursday if this causes any issues please let me know.

Faevern · 05/07/2021 05:46

@Littlejobsworth Even minimum wage at 15 hours a week entitles you to SSP unless you had only been employed a few weeks at the time. Did you get sick pay from your other job?

JeansShirtJeansJacket · 05/07/2021 05:47

The stuff with the group messages and the shift swapping does sound like a load of irritating faff on his day off, plus you shouldn't really have made that comment on a work group, so I agree with him there.

However, what he said about your time off for mental health last year is absolutely disgusting. I would take that further and speak with HR about it. Totally unacceptable.

Vanishun · 05/07/2021 05:58

I can't see a thing wrong with your message. It sounded factual to me. You hadn't heard back before and that's why you hadn't confirmed; he had just replied - these are facts, not judgments.

I would have expected a breezy response along the lines of, "Thanks everyone for trying to work this out, apologies as I know you need sign off from me. Sundays are always a busy family day. In future if there's an urgent need on a Sunday, do sort it out between you, and we can talk about it when we're back in." Then he could tackle any nonsense or pisstaking offline.

Having said that, I'm autistic, and this sort of stuff though that makes me despair at ever understanding the dynamics between neurotypical people though. I'm amazed by so many people saying you were sarcastic and out of order. How the fuck do you all do it?

Marchitectmummy · 05/07/2021 06:24

Obviously your message was going to be inflammatory when someone had bothered to answer on a Sunday evening that doesn't need explaining.

The mental health comment of course is wrong, your manager sounds exasperated by you. Don't need to answer here but do you think you might be tricky at work? If so maybe try to see situations from thr other side if so.

Original poster
Littlejobsworth · 05/07/2021 06:29

@Faevern

No I got nothing from anyone! I've been at my first job 6 years. My friend works 20 hours and she got told she was something like half an hour short to be allowed SSP. There have been some odd things but as we have no HR then it's difficult and if you say anything you're seen as a moaner.

I was asked to take on an extra day. I said yes. I did the extra day for months and asked when it would be officially added to my contract. I knew we were going to be furloughed and wanted it including. He told me it wasn't possible to change contracts midway through the year and I would have to wait until September so I missed nearly 6 months of that day being included in my furlough salary.

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 05/07/2021 06:33

Sounds shady as Fook

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/07/2021 06:34

I am NT and I see nothing wrong with that message at all. But I can also see how he could have felt judged. However, as your manager, he should not be raising it this way, rather having a quick word today.

He doesn’t sound like a nice person at all and I don’t think there would have been any way of you saying you’d be in today without him seeing this as a judgment on him. Had you responded just to him, he’d probably have thought if not responded that you’ve wasted his time on a Sunday.

This isn’t the first time he’s responded to you hours any hours after your communication, is it? With this and the mental health comment, he’s telling you how insignificant you are to him and the team. Doesn’t sound like your colleagues think the same though.

Yes, you need a new job ASAP to get away from this vile specimen. In the meantime, can you raise a grievance? He sounds like a horrible bully.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/07/2021 06:35

I think you should put that furlough question on the boards separately. That doesn’t sound right.

Faevern · 05/07/2021 06:37

I think you have a bigger problem if you are not being paid correctly. SSP should have been paid on what you have said. I would be pursuing that, it is based on earnings not on contractual hours. It is also possible to receive SSP from both jobs so seems like your other employer is just as dodgy?

Sloaneslone · 05/07/2021 06:38

I was asked to take on an extra day. I said yes. I did the extra day for months and asked when it would be officially added to my contract. I knew we were going to be furloughed and wanted it including. He told me it wasn't possible to change contracts midway through the year and I would have to wait until September so I missed nearly 6 months of that day being included in my furlough salary.

I thought it was worked out in average hours? I might be wrong. All our staff are salaried, so I am not 100% sure.

But I though for per hours jobs it was 80% of average hours of the last so many months.

That's definitely worth looking into separately.

ChiefInspectorParker · 05/07/2021 06:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

EShellstrop · 05/07/2021 07:36

There are some serious boundary issues here. I have been in a similar position and the only solution was to leave. I tried to stop the late night messaging etc, but my boss got more and more irritated with me for questioning her (erm, I wasn't, I just stopped letting her walk all over me). Things didn't end well.

Janaih · 05/07/2021 07:57

Furlough is calculated on average hours yes. Dh got his overtime included which meant his furlough was more than his basic salary.

Original poster
Littlejobsworth · 05/07/2021 08:30

@Marchitectmummy

I know you said I didn't need to respond to your "Do you think you're tricky at work" question but obviously I would want to respond.

I don't feel I am no. I'm rarely sick (yes I had the time off for MH but if you knew the situation you'd understand why, it was kind of a breakdown I guess (hate to say that) and obviously the accident that left me being treated in A&E but I could not help that.

I go to work, do my job, I have a great relationship with the others in our small team, and get on really well with the staff from other teams. If anyone is sick or I am asked to work extras or stay late etc I always do it. I am not sure what else I can do. As I said in my original post he is moody and I find it hard to know how to handle him.

Here is an example for you. One of my colleagues asked me if i had milk we could spare. we didn't have much but I gave them half and said as I was going to the store room to pick some up for us, I would get theirs st the same time. I went over to get what I needed, saw my boss and said "oh by the way I am just taking this for X, seeing as I was coming for ours anyway" His response was "why are you getting involved"? I told him I wasn't, and that I'd just shared what we had with them so thought I'd get theirs too whilst I was here. "Well tell them if they want milk they should be coming to get it themselves. Tell them I said that. This shouldn't involve you"

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 05/07/2021 15:31

Here is an example for you. One of my colleagues asked me if i had milk we could spare. we didn't have much but I gave them half and said as I was going to the store room to pick some up for us, I would get theirs st the same time. I went over to get what I needed, saw my boss and said "oh by the way I am just taking this for X, seeing as I was coming for ours anyway" His response was "why are you getting involved"? I told him I wasn't, and that I'd just shared what we had with them so thought I'd get theirs too whilst I was here. "Well tell them if they want milk they should be coming to get it themselves. Tell them I said that. This shouldn't involve you"

He sounds like an UTTER TWAT ..

FunMcCool · 05/07/2021 17:33

@Littlejobsworth

He sounds like a test. But why did you tell hi
You we’re getting milk for another team? It’s fairly non event. Maybe he thinks you talk too much/share too much? Either way he’s the manager and should handle his moods a lot better and not make it clear who he likes and who he doesn’t.