To hate when some mums say

[justwingin2021]

When they say oh count your self luck (insert nonsense)
I was on a mums Facebook group and a lady who newly split up with her partner asked other single parents how there child maintenance etc was set up.
Along came a lot of helpful set ups but before long came oh count your self lucky you get that I get nothing from my ex or, I get £8 a month etx etc.
It doesn't usually bother me so much, but I commented what my set up was and I got oh ain't you lucky you get that I don't even get birthday cards for my kids. While I get that isn't fair but I should count my blessing because the person I chose to pro create with is actually providing for his child.
It's not always about maintenance either it's about everything. Your child sleeps there's doesn't IYSWIM.

I know this is over reacting but it really irritates me.

"I chose to have my children with a semi decent human being, it wasn't luck"

I get what you mean but please don't do the 'I chose well and they chose badly' thing. I knew my ex for some years before marrying and having two kids. He was a great hands on dad until he met ow, fell in lust and fucked off. Now it's eow and cms only. I and many like me couldn't have predicted that. But I agree with your gender point about it not being a race to the bottom.

I agree. Just because someone's situation is worse doesn't mean a slightly better situation is idyllic and you should be deemed lucky

@ThatsNotMyReindeer

"I chose to have my children with a semi decent human being, it wasn't luck"

No, that'd be a cuntish reply considering most women when pregnant assume they're doing the same.

OP, I think you're missing the point.

They're saying you're lucky in comparison to them, that's all.

And in comparison to them they're right, you are.

Ah comparing yourself to others - the fast track to misery.

It’s just obnoxious when people do this. I’ve lost count of the number of people who have told me I’m lucky my parents are dead!

@HugeAckmansWife

I get what you mean but please don't do the 'I chose well and they chose badly' thing. I knew my ex for some years before marrying and having two kids. He was a great hands on dad until he met ow, fell in lust and fucked off. Now it's eow and cms only. I and many like me couldn't have predicted that. But I agree with your gender point about it not being a race to the bottom.

Very fair point i will stop using choose. Not the best words. But I still do feel like it's a race to the bottom And because there worse of you don't have a right to complain or somewhat not be happy with setups etc.

@crinklyfoil

It’s just obnoxious when people do this. I’ve lost count of the number of people who have told me I’m lucky my parents are dead!

What!! People have actually said that to you? I wouldn't dream of saying somebody is lucky because there parents are dead.

Oh yeah! Usually because I inherited a bit of money or because I don’t have to worry about care home fees - it’s so shitty though. I generally think people don’t think about what they are saying.

I know exactly what you mean though. I see it on here a lot. Some posters have a hard life but wade in on everybody elses threads demanding support which they then don’t reciprocate. It’s tedious and obnoxious.

I chose well til he dipped his dick elsewhere and then got full time with the ow and I got no maintenance ever

Does that make you feel suitably superior?

That’s a nasty put down you’re using.

Yep I agree OP, I mean if you look at it that way they are lucky too, aren't they - they have a roof over their heads, food, don't live in a war torn country, don't have a terminal illness - so why are they complaining.

Obviously that was awful for you @Longestfewdaysupcoming

There are times when people do make bad choices though and I am not being a dick. I’ve made plenty myself. But acknowledging that yeah, maybe it wasn’t the best move to have a third/fourth/fifth child with a man who clearly wasn’t committed is sometimes a reasonable point.

And how was I supposed to know he wasn’t going to be committed in advance?

@ThatsNotMyReindeer

"I chose to have my children with a semi decent human being, it wasn't luck"

My x is one of the most depraved human beings on this planet but at one point the maintenance was !,000 per month.

so maintenance does not equal a semi decent human being in or out of a marriage.

@justwingin2021 I remember once a married sahm said to me ''oh I wish I got a thousand pounds a month!''. her husband earned over 100k pa so it struck me as a bizarre way to view things.

But people can be very odd and very judgmental OP

Disconnect from giving a shit what clueless randomers think.
Detach. Detach. Detach some more.

You weren’t. I think you might have misunderstood my post, sorry if I wasn’t clear. I mean ther are times people make bad decisions -not saying you are one of them.

To be fair, it's pretty rampant in here as well, even with threads about things like grocery budgets etc. people trying to four Yorkshiremen themselves to the bottom of the heap for clout.

Yeh my kids dad sent a card for his birthday with the WRONG child’s name on (and not even any of our children’s names 😂) and I got told “well my kids dad doesn’t even send them cards so you’re lucky” 🤦‍♀️ He doesn’t usually send cards either it was the first year he had and he couldn’t even get that right.

@ThatsNotMyReindeer

"I chose to have my children with a semi decent human being, it wasn't luck"

And some of us married men who gave every appearance of being semi decent humans, until after children. Insensitive. Hope nothing similar every happens to you. Short of getting a report from a psychiatrist I'm really not sure how you're going to guarantee this.

OP, I get you. like it's some kind of race to the bottom. Happens over many things. I particularly wince when I hear or hear of it being said to people with cancer. What's lucky about that?

It’s a bit like moaning about stubbing your toe and someone will come along and say that you should count yourself lucky you haven’t broken a leg. They both hurt. It shouldn’t be a comparison of who has it worse.

Take it at face value a lot of the time it's a race to the bottom to prove who's life is harder than who's.

Lad at work signed over house kids 13/15 significantly more equity even allowing for interest instead of paying child support over the years .
She tells everyone he doesn't pay anything and how hard done by she is ( works partime claims everything going and live in 4 bed detached house)

I'd ignore. It's just human nature, the whole "it's alright for you...."

It annoys me too. Happens on here all the time.
So many threads about how awful it is being a parent (which the media pick up). I feel like people have stopped posting “actually I love being a parent because xyz” because you’ll get torn a new one and you must be lucky or have a particular set of fortunate circumstances in order to enjoy parenthood. It’s sad.

It's not just mums. It's everyone. Rife on mn.

"I have just these 3 ingredients, what can i make?"
"Oh you so lucky. I haven't had three ingredients for years!"

It's ridiculous and it's just attention seeking

I never understood this competitive suffering. Surely "Who has the worst life?" is a competition that no one wants to win?

YANBU. I’m a single parent and I see this on fb groups all the time. “You’re so lucky your ex pays maintenance”. “You’re so lucky your ex has them EOW”. It’s very draining.