Asd and school refusal

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I hope you don’t mind me asking here , given the traffic I might get some useful answers

Son has been school refusing since really year 8
At it escalated and so did his unhappiness I sought medical advice and ended up with a psychiatrist
Her assessment , both after the first session and after assessments was asd
That said , I’ve been worried about him for years especially since year 5 (I’ve been keeping diaries)

I’m struggling to get my head around it
I’m also feeling guilty , like an enabler , and struggling with the impact on other sibling
I’m also a LP which makes it a bit more exhausting

I’m curious if others have experienced a ‘surprise’ asd assessment
And If this has also driven fairly severe school
Refusal

Thanks

I’m not really sure what you are asking. What are you struggling to get your head around? The ASD diagnosis? Why do you feel guilty or like an enabler?

My DS has ASD and has been school refusing since Reception. He attends a specialist school now which he happily attends everyday. I think it’s quite common for children with ASD to refuse school as it’s difficult for them. Schools, especially secondary schools are not an easy environment for a child with ASD to be in.

My DD dropped out of school in year 8 just couldn’t manage. She received ASD diagnosis one year later. She is 19 and has not managed any educational provision since although mentally is doing better. I found this organisation useful
notfineinschool.co.uk/

Does DS have an EHCP? And is he receiving medical needs EOTAS tuition?

OP I have two kids who love school and both have sen. One is regular school refusal. It seems to isn't school but the transition from leaving the house to going into the school - it seems to melt his head. Weirdly we started scooting to school instead of the car and I'm getting much less refusal.

My DD with ASD (diagnosed aged 8, no surprise) refused school for 18 months, but luckily we got a good psychiatrist and, with better medication, she's now back. It's been tough.

Are you getting help from school, your GP, CAMHS? Please ask for it if not.

You're not an enabler, and have nothing to feel guilty for; none of this is your fault. Your child has a disability.

I hope you get the help you need.

My granddaughter aged six is starting to school refuse, but she loves the social side. There's a question mark over ASD/ADHD. I part home schooled my eldest who has ADHD. Mainstream school isn't the best environment for every child.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Thanks everyone
It’s been a week , so nothing in place yet
I had to go private as GP and Cahms useless

I feel guilty because
School are ignoring me which make me think they hate me
People are saying I’m making it too comfortable at home
His sibling is guilting me
His dad overseas is in denial
I’m getting a load of poor opinions which I need to filter out

I’m also questioning why , he went to school when his dad was here so is this me being a weak enabling mum ?
That said I think he masked a lot - and primary was more Convivial

But I feel like shouldn’t I have
Spotted this ?

So I’m literally in my own here !

Thanks again

I'm in the same situation. My son has ASD and refuses to go to school. He refuses to leave the house most days. It's tough and you do feel guilt as a parent. I don't know what to advise but just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

For what it's worth, we saw a doctor whose son also has ASD and he said that school is just too overwhelming. The noise, the people, etc. He said not to force him to go and just encourage him to find things that he is interested in to study at home. My son is really into coding, so has been doing courses on coding. He said forcing him to attend school was the worse thing I could do. So, that did make me feel a lot better. It's not you fault your son is struggling. You are doing your best to support and care for him.

It tough that any mental illness has a double whammy topping of GUILT on top of the worrying about your child

How long has your son been diagnosed crazy ?

Since my son has reverted to almost 100% refusal he is way happier
But he can’t sit at a games console for the remainder of his life x

We did send him in weds
He got in , a pencil was thrown at his head , teacher shouted at him , then he went to safe
Place and got shouted at , then was taken by a teacher to a wrong classroom
Catalogue of disasters

So I’m starting to get my head around how hideous it all is for him , literally unbearable

You do need a relationship with the school. I have no idea what their opinion of you is, but it is their job to ensure he receives an education and it is unacceptable to shrug when you can't get him in. Is there a reintegration plan? Are they taking advice from specialist support services?

This situation is not uncommon. It can't be the only time they've encountered school refusal. What do they have in place for him?

Apply for an EHCNA. You can do this yourself, IPSEA have a model letter on their website you can use. Medical needs tuition should be organised when it becomes clear the pupil will miss 15 days. For ongoing conditions the 15 days do not need to be consecutive, they can be cumulative.

Crazy you should apply for an EHCNA, too. In addition to this the LA have a statutory duty to provide education to those unable to attend school, including because of their mental health or additional needs.

It's been about a year but the diagnosis didn't change anything. The school don't really say anything, I think they don't know what to do or say. Things may get better, but may stay the same. I don't know. Unfortunately it's a situation that is becoming more and more common these days. Sorry, I wish I could be more hopeful.

Sorry, I'm not in the uk. Hopefully, the UK has more support available. It would be nice to hear about people who have found a way out of this. My son does homeschool too, but it depends on his mood. He's extremely intelligent. It's tough.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Thanks everyone It’s been a week , so nothing in place yet I had to go private as GP and Cahms useless

I feel guilty because
School are ignoring me which make me think they hate me
People are saying I’m making it too comfortable at home
His sibling is guilting me
His dad overseas is in denial
I’m getting a load of poor opinions which I need to filter out

I’m also questioning why , he went to school when his dad was here so is this me being a weak enabling mum ?
That said I think he masked a lot - and primary was more Convivial

But I feel like shouldn’t I have
Spotted this ?

So I’m literally in my own here !

Thanks again

Presumably when his dad was around, he wasn't on the throes of puberty. That has been difficult for both of my boys who have ASD.

Since my son has reverted to almost 100% refusal he is way happier then if it’s at at all possible home educate him.

Keep a diary.

An autism diagnosis (which I'm not sure if you've got or not) is a starting point, it gives you ideas of different levers to pull and can give you a bit of a stronger voice. But he is still the same child, a diagnosis in itself doesn't solve anything. Autism or not, you have the same nuts and bolts problems to solve day in, day out. I had this idea that a diagnosis would unlock solutions but 4 years in I'm afraid it still feels like we are making it up as we go along. But, we do it better now because we understand where he is coming from a bit better - and that can be a challenge with any teen especially one with communication differences.

Your responsibility is to find a school that he will attend. Are there any mainstream schools with ASD units nearby? You need to find a suitable school as it doesn’t seem his current school is the right environment or can provide the right support. You can apply for a EHCP yourself. Online school is an option but no you child can’t spend the days on his computer console gaming. I’ve had a ASD school refuser we choose a school he could cope with. Nothing is perfect would he prefer to stay at home yes but he does go in. He will get GCSEs and A levels - he needs a lot of support at home, he is very clever but I need to sit with him to do his homework every night. My ASD child has very little self direction it’s tiring and time consuming. He spends nearly all his spare time on computer consoles but I’ve managed to get him in school that’s as much a win a I can hope for. Do I worry every day he will school refuse again yes and it probably won’t go away.

Lots of areas have new emotionally based school avoidance policies as this has become a hot potato topic in SEN since the pandemic. Take a look at your local authority website to see if they have one as you can use it as leverage with school and the LA.

your responsibility is to find a school that he will attend

They don’t exist
Either they are oversubscribed , or private or not suitable
Neither can I home educate - I’m a LP and I work FT
I’m the sole provider for both children

And , it’s early days
I’m realistic this is going to take time , it’s going to be hard , and he might miss more education until we find a solution
I’ve accepted that

Firstly i hate the term school refusal. It implies choice. His needs are not being met so he is too anxious to be at school. Don't let school or other parents suggest you are enabling what you are doing is protecting which is what you should do as a parent.

I have two children with Autism and complex needs who both are now out of the school system as it is the wrong environment for them to learn and thrive in. Mainstream didn't work and there are no suitable sen schools locally so the LA funds the arrangement on an EOTAS basis.

I am hoping my eldest who is now year 10 will manage college and that is what we are working towards now.

Good luck OP. If you don't already have one then you need to apply for an EHCP and start looking at what provisions will meet his needs. Remember that mental health should come first. Many children are in this situation the Not Fine In School facebook page is a good place to go as you will see you are not alone.

Don't deregister unless you actually want to EHE, which it doesn't sound like you do. It is easier to get support whilst still on a school's roll even if not attending, because, crudely, you are someone's 'problem'. It is all too easy to be forgotten out and brushed off when EHE.

You can get home tuition, online schooling, an independent school or oversubscribed school named via an EHCP. And, an EHCP would give you access to therapies and other provision too.

Apologies Crazy.

Yes, I agree ‘school refusal’ is not the correct word. His needs are not being met and you are protecting not enabling. Don’t feel guilty.

My son had a home tutor from the LEA as it was recognised that he was not able to attend school for a medical reason (ASD, anxiety). He had the tutor while an EHCP a was applied for and a more suitable school setting found.

Thanks
This is a brand new world
And I do need to banish that term
It’s all very new and daunting
Same for everyone , I’m no different or worse off

How many threads have I read when people ask ‘have they been assessed ‘ and yet it never occurred
I was so consumed with the shit with EA ex
I thought that was the problem

I’m moving into acceptance