Asd and school refusal

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

I hope you don’t mind me asking here , given the traffic I might get some useful answers

Son has been school refusing since really year 8
At it escalated and so did his unhappiness I sought medical advice and ended up with a psychiatrist
Her assessment , both after the first session and after assessments was asd
That said , I’ve been worried about him for years especially since year 5 (I’ve been keeping diaries)

I’m struggling to get my head around it
I’m also feeling guilty , like an enabler , and struggling with the impact on other sibling
I’m also a LP which makes it a bit more exhausting

I’m curious if others have experienced a ‘surprise’ asd assessment
And If this has also driven fairly severe school
Refusal

Thanks

just sending i have a teen with ASD, diagnosed when he was 10, so i know how hard it is.. i think the main difference is, i suspected ASD all along as i have family with it.

The main thing to do is breathe, find support groups, and the SEN board on here, there are also some good groups/pages on FB which i found a massive help when navigating this.

You need to do your research, both on autism, and the law, and what the school is legally obliged to provide to help him. Ask for their SEN policies, and find out about the 'local offer'. Contact your local Parent Partnership (sometimes called SENDIASS) for advice.

Talk to the Senco at school, get the ball rolling on applying for an EHCP, and get the support he needs in class.

My lad often refused, or he would play up to get suspended so he wouldn't have to go in.. if he went in he refused to work. It was simply that the sensory environment at the school was too much for him.

He now attends a specialist school for kids with Autism and no other LD's and he has barely missed a day.

The main thing for you to remember here, is you are your childs ones and only advocate, so you need to get tough about making sure he gets all the help and support that he needs to get through.

And no feeling guilty, home NEEDS to be their safe space.. you'd see DS at home and think 'normal teenager' because i have put a lot of work into our homelife, his bedroom and our routines to suit him and make him feel safe, secure, and loved... but if i take him out of this house (and he often refuses to even leave the house) its a WHOLE other ballgame, and i have to supervise him like a hawk to make sure he remains calm.

You've got this

I’m demoralised as it took a lot of energy to split with his dad
A lot of pushing , courses etc to make me strong

And I did mainly split because he was upsetting DS ( in addition to myself)
And now I have to battle again !!!!!

No one said adulting was easy hey

oh, how i know those feels OP.. my ExH's behaviour and lack of understanding about DS was one of the contributing reasons in our marriage breakdown.

Its bloody hard, but the house is much more peaceful, and runs a lot smoother without him around sticking his oar in and causing meltdowns.

School refusal is not the child/ young person being defiant, neither is it bad parenting. It is often due to an anxiety or panic disorder that the child/ young person has managed to mask for years, but falls apart during adolesance.
Don't feel guilty or ashamed.
I deregistered my son, allowed him to de school in his own time.Dr schooling is a really important process. My son is two years down the line now 16, , and waiting to sit his exams at a local college as a private candidate. He has really turned things around, so don't despair. There are othe routes, and Not Fine At School Facebook group has been very helpful, you feel less alone.
Good luck to you both.

Batsy
Legally I need to tell him
I’m putting it off !
But with hindsight it explains a lot
The pennies are slowly dropping

Ex wanted DS to be like him
Very masculine , sporty
DS is anxious , introvert and screen 📺 crazy
And hated team sports

I won’t lie that screen time is high
But how else was I supposed to entertain them during lockdown whilst I worked

I just don’t want him to shout at him
He cannot cope with it l

And thank you everyone who has posted

My Daughter is in Y10. We have had anxiety issues for years, but it all came to a head post lockdown .. she only managed a few weeks in school, then nothing. October time last year she was saying she would sooner be dead than be in school, she was having panic attacks, and (I think) had a period of depression.
Anyhow we got a CAMHS referral (first appointing shocking, so go a much better second one), I also have a relative who runs a scheme for Young People struggling in Mainstream, who got my daughter a counsellor. From that, they are now investigating “high functioning autism”, our S&L appointment has come through fairly quickly, we are there in two weeks.

School have also been really supportive .. she’s not in school, but they have offered lots of adjustments. They are currently looking at having help the new Y7 to adjust.. so she’s in a Y6 with a partner primary tomorrow. Anything to get her in, TBH., they couldn’t have been better.

When it first started, my mental health took a real knock … then I realised it’s not my job to get her in school - there are teams of professionals who can do that… it’s my job to make sure she feels safe, to make sure I’m there to talk to, to offer support.

She seems much happier since autism was mentioned … she’s gone through years of “what’s wrong me with” , and now it’s “ah, neuro-diverse”. As for the anxiety, CAHMS have told me that they can work on that, we just need to figure out the root cause.

My daughter still feels confident in passing her GCSEs (although she has missed a year … and I’m not sure it’s going to happen) - TBH, I’m not that bothered, maybe she’ll take her exams at 16, 17, 21 .. who knows ??? And you can go to university at any age you like.

Please some help .my 14 year old autistic daughter is refusing school .seems to prefer her room. .not wanting to go out .I'm.feeling a bad mum.when im not .