What will the Court do re DDs birthday this year..

[StressedlifeZ]

Currently going through family court proceedings.. There's domestic abuse involved.
DDs father only has supervised contact once a month. Last year he requested to see her on her birthday after 6 months of no contact and demanded 50/50 otherwise he'd initiate court proceedings.. Which he then did.
We have a cafcass section 7 being ordered.
DD will spend her birthday at nursery this year as she did last year as they will spoil her and make a fuss of her and there will be a party for her :) I won't be with her on her actual day of her birthday as I'll be at work. She had a lovely birthday celebration at nursery last year and will again this year.
I know he will ask to see her on her actual birthday because he's a controlling b*stard.. He's not allowed near her nursery, he doesn't even know which nursery she goes to and the nursery manager said if he would ever turn up she'd just call the police and she doesn't even care.. Because he's not known to them.
Can the court force me to make her available on her actual birthday if I'm not going to be spending the actual day with her either? It means taking a day off work which I can't do for some time as I'm in a new job.. I'm not prepared to do that for him.
Just wondering where I stand as in knowing what nursery she goes to it then discloses our location, and he doesn't know where we live.. We are going to be moving in a couple of months and he doesn't know that either.

Sorry. Tried to quote @Drivingmeupthewall before that last reply but quoting failed.

[quote 44PumpLane]@misssunshine4040

SW can't know where you live? They are not going to disclose your address or whereabouts.

Accidents happen and SW have in the past been known to make mistakes. A distant friend of mine had to be emergency rehomed by the council after a SW accidentally let slip enough detail for her abusive ex partner to work out where she was living.

I am also aware of someone whose ex was sent a copy of her address by mistake but I don't know any details so that one I wouldn't bet my life on it.

But I guess what I'm saying is that when you're in fear for your life you can't take any chances and I do understand why you wouldn't want someone from the contact centre or a SW to know your address or your child's school.[/quote]
So right. My address was supposed to be redacted to protect us and my DIL from her abusive ex. It popped up on the SW child in need review that was sent to him.

Then, when the child was in foster care, before we got them, the foster carers address was divulged in the court bundle.

GDPR is a real issue with SS

Roof over head and food on the table are way up the list of priorities over this violent man dictating special days to see dd. Many employees cannot demand a day off. OP has said it is not possible so I assume that to be true
Unfortunately the family court rarely recognises this @sally872

For those saying the Court would never order this, I suggest following What The Court Said. Unfortunately the Family Court often orders things like this.

"In these circumstances yes the family court may well order contact for her DD on her birthday (even though many us will think that's abhorrent). The best way to avoid this would be for the OP to take the day off work and have water-tight pre-booked plans in place (eg zoo tickets, etc). The Court is much less likely to say that the child's birthday plans with mum should be cancelled than they are to say that the child should be taken out of nursery to spend the day with dad."

Would it work to book something & get tickets but just not go?

It's silly to take a day off. Children go to school etc on their birthdays. It's normal. You are trying to earn money to care for her. Have a birthday celebration layer on like everyone else.

You think her daily routine being totally disrupted is in the best interests of a little girl whose father is currently allowed one day per month of supervised contact because he’s threatened to kill her mother so many times? Are you always such an enabler of poor men? confused

That’s a horrible accusation and not at all an accurate representation of what that poster was saying. Maybe you didn’t understand her point?

I think I’d possibly be taking the day off work too and making sure we had concrete birthday plans in place (tickets booked, as PPs have suggested). But if you really won’t do that, could you make arrangements with the nursery? Something concrete with a paper trail like ordering a cake and balloons to be delivered to the nursery, or an entertainer? I think you need something in place that means supervised contact with her father would be coming at the expense of an amazing day for DD. I know they all love birthdays at nursery anyway and this shouldn’t be necessary but unfortunately the law is an ass and not every judge will make the right call. You have to do what you can to increase the chances.

It just boggles my mind that men like this are allowed to demand anything.

@diddl no, that rarely works and is often read as the mother being difficult on purpose. Plus mum won’t take the day off.

It just boggles my mind that men like this are allowed to demand anything

Follow some of the accounts of family courts from barristers and groups working in this field. You won't read much in the press because of the default reporting restrictions.

As well as the commonplace disclosure of confidential information about the spouse/children at risk the system as it works is very susceptible to manipulation by abusers.

@KingdomScrolls

OP I've worked many cases like this, given the risk of harm he poses and that this is under child protection not CIN, the non disclosure of address in the order (unusual unless considered very risky) and you are doing all you can to safeguard, I really wouldn't imagine this will be an issue. If he asks you just tell the social worker I'm really sorry I can't facilitate that I'm not able to get the time off of work, I can facilitate the contact centre the weekend before or after her birthday. You remain the reasonable party and if he gets angry with the social worker it further evidences his volatility and risk of serious harm.

This is exactly what I intend to do thank you. There is absolutely no way in gods earth I'm giving anyone my address. The only people who who has my address is my solicitor and children's services and the police. I absolutely will not give my address to a contact supervisor. In any normal situation she would still go to nursery or school on her birthday.. I wouldn't take a day off at such a young age. I'll take her to the zoo or aquarium at the weekend but I'm a single parent, I work 40 hours a week, I get 30 minutes before and after nursery with her, last year nursery did a tea party for her and I ordered a cake, she had a beautiful time.. It was far more than I could ever give her as I fled with nothing and had to start all over again.. I couldn't give her an amazing birthday full of presents, she had a lovely birthday party at nursery and on the Saturday we went for pizza with my brother and his partner and that was lovely. I wouldn't take a day off work, pull her out of nursery and drive 3 hours when she will have a better time at nursery. He will absolutely ask to have contact on her birthday because he ruined everything. He ruined mother's day, my birthday and my mother's anniversary of her death, I was forced to bring her to contact on all those special days because he refused to facilitate an alternative day.

@RadandMad

It just boggles my mind that men like this are allowed to demand anything.

Family courts are not fit for purpose. Those screaming for 50:50 contact have created a system where vulnerable children are regularly placed in the care of abusive men, and women continue to be abused through the court system. No media coverage because of privacy/confidentiality concerns.

well I truly hope they don’t order contact. The less time any child spends with pondscum like that the better. Birthdays or no birthdays.

Is her birthday soon OP? Would he have time to get it ordered through the court?

No media coverage because of privacy/confidentiality concerns

Which is how they get away with it. Its possible to report on the processes and behaviour of the family courts without revealing names/details but even that is blocked.

Its utterly shocking that abuse of women and children can be perpetuated through the very system which is supposed to protect them.

I have no advice to offer just wanted to say well done for getting away from this POS. I'm so sorry you have had to facilitate contact on those days, he obviously enjoys controlling you, it's really frustrating that it is allowed to happed. Best of luck to you.

No advice re the courts or contact but my dd is having a birthday soon, I could easily take a day off work but she will still be going into nursery with a birthday cake as she will have a lovely day. She is excited to share her cake with her friends and be the birthday girl for the day and generally have a fuss made over her, as she has seen happen for her friends, nothing wrong with this at all.

[quote Willwebebuyingnumber11]@diddl no, that rarely works and is often read as the mother being difficult on purpose. Plus mum won’t take the day off.[/quote]
True.

I was thinking if necessary to prove that something is booked iyswim.

But I can see how (deliberately) not going could look bad.

That it should even be a consideration that this little girl's day be altered so that such a man can see her beggars belief!