To think friends boyfriend was rude?

[Truereflections]

Went over for dinner and we all her (her, me and him) sat at the table. She asked me a question about an upcoming operation and then said don’t worry if you don’t want to talk about it in front of him.

I saw I didn’t mind, and then said you don’t mind do you boyfriend?

He just looked and said well I’m not even really listening anyway.

If my partner invited a friend over I wouldn’t sit with them at dinner and tell the guest that I wasn’t listening to them.

It sounds like he was trying to make it ok for you to discuss it - awkwardly, but that's how I'd take it

Like, in a, "don't worry about me being here" kind of way?! Is he a knob otherwise?

No it was definitely said in a bored way. It wasn’t said out of concern.

@Royalbloo

Like, in a, "don't worry about me being here" kind of way?! Is he a knob otherwise?

This ^

I think your friend was ruder actually, she really put you on the spot if she had an inkling you might be uncomfortable talking about it in front of her boyfriend.

This is one of those situations where no one can tell unless they were there
He might have felt left out
He might have felt he shouldn’t listen to your private chat
He might have been rude

I'm not sure that talking about illness and operations is good dinner party talk. He may have said, "I'm not listening anyway", because he switches off at such talk. I don't think he was necessarily rude.

You were rather rude to him. By saying " You don';t mind , do you? " you put him on the spot. He could hardly say " Yes I do mind; please don't talk about it while we're eating".

You're were all a bit rude about it - him probably least of all because he was the only one not putting anyone on the spot.
I'd assume he said that because he felt uncomfortable.

That sounds to me like ‘I’m letting you girls chat’ don’t worry about it.

Sounds like a huge amount of overthinking. Most people aren’t interested in other people’s operations, especially if that person isn’t their friend or relative.

I might not have said it but if my partner had invited their friend for dinner and were having (presumably) a catch up, I wouldn't really be listening to the conversation either, unless they were my friend too (which it doesn't sound like he is).

@Maggiesfarm

I'm not sure that talking about illness and operations is good dinner party talk. He may have said, "I'm not listening anyway", because he switches off at such talk. I don't think he was necessarily rude.

It’s not illness at all. It was talking about a consultation as my friend works in said hospital so wanted to know how it went.

@BlueSurfer

Sounds like a huge amount of overthinking. Most people aren’t interested in other people’s operations, especially if that person isn’t their friend or relative.

I don’t care if he’s interested but if we were all blunt and said what we thought then likely none of us would have many good relationships.

It’s about being polite to your partner friend and to someone who is a guest on your house:

@girlmom21

You're were all a bit rude about it - him probably least of all because he was the only one not putting anyone on the spot. I'd assume he said that because he felt uncomfortable.

How am I rude exactly?

Friend asked question. I said it was fine and asked him if he was ok with me talking about it. Can’t see how I was rude.

@Truereflections you put him on the spot with something you'd assume he wouldn't feel comfortable with. If you thought he was comfortable with it, you'd never have asked the question.

You're just arguing with everyone who says YABU. He wasn't particularly rude.

Good old MN AIBU, eh. What's the point in asking the question if you can't accept people disagreeing with you?

[quote girlmom21]@Truereflections you put him on the spot with something you'd assume he wouldn't feel comfortable with. If you thought he was comfortable with it, you'd never have asked the question.

You're just arguing with everyone who says YABU. He wasn't particularly rude.

Good old MN AIBU, eh. What's the point in asking the question if you can't accept people disagreeing with you? [/quote]
I didn’t put him on the spot at all.

Friend asked if I was comfortable talking about it in front of him. So I thought I should double heck with him too

[quote girlmom21]@Truereflections you put him on the spot with something you'd assume he wouldn't feel comfortable with. If you thought he was comfortable with it, you'd never have asked the question.

You're just arguing with everyone who says YABU. He wasn't particularly rude.

Good old MN AIBU, eh. What's the point in asking the question if you can't accept people disagreeing with you? [/quote]
If you mean people piling in to bully someone and be nasty then yes it is good old MN.

He was saying “don’t talk about it in front of me” and you and friend were being rude. Why would you do that to someone?

@Truereflections nobody's bullied you. Disagreeing with you isn't bullying you.

If he'd have said "actually I don't feel comfortable with you talking about it" you'd have said he was rude. He couldn't have given an honest answer that didn't offend you.

Judging by your last post maybe you were ruder than you think!

Well you are a delight, im feeling sorry for the friends boyfriend at this point