To feel like the biggest fucking idiot going

[beenfoolingmyself]

I’m probably just looking for straight talking. Lost a lot of weight. Felt good, got DH to take photos of me and the kids.

I don’t look good at all. I still look huge. I am less huge, I can see that, but still fat and so ugly. I feel really stupid, like I’m on the receiving end of a bad joke.

Sorry. Just had to say it somewhere.

Models and actresses and celebrities spend thousands of hours learning how to pose to look good on camera. They eat right and workout religiously because it’s part of the job to be thin and beautiful. And there are still pap photos of them looking like perfectly normal humans accompanied headlines about how fat/ugly they are.

Photographers train to pose, light and direct their subjects. They still cull a huge number of images and then edit ‘the good ones’ before the client ever sees the photos.

You and your DH have none of this training. You need to be kinder to yourself. And maybe book an empathetic pro for a family photoshoot if you want a photo you like with the kids.

What is the reason for being quite so nasty to yourself? Would you be so nasty to another person on their looks? So why this tone for yourself? I genuinely don’t get it - I find I speak to myself in the most compassionate of tones particularly when I am hurting or low. Can you begin by pretending to be at least polite to yourself if you cannot be Authentically kind?

I think I look disgusting in all photos, unless I take them myself and I have to take about 200 until I’m happy!

You will always be your worst critic. You should be so proud of yourself for losing weight, and don’t let this set you off track.

Look at your photos upside down. I know that sounds silly - but looking at photos of yourself the right way up means your view is entirely tainted by your own self perception. If you turn the photo upside down, it somehow tricks the brain (or at least my brain) into seeing it more objectively.

Watch a film. Look at the BEAUTIFUL actors and actresses. Then press pause randomly. I bet they don’t look half as attractive. In fact they won’t look hardly anything like they really do. Sometimes I do this and the actors/actresses are barely recognisable.

Photos are an awful way to assess what you look like. I know exactly what you feel like OP. I had to have counselling when I looked at myself in the mirror and felt like vomiting.

I’m sure you look just fine.

We. If you are being realistic then yes, it’s really shit. I lost over 3 stone but since I was 21 stone to begin with I was still enormous and it was very upsetting.

How much more weight is there to go?

Well done on the weight loss. You love your children and husband and they love you, now you've got to learn to love yourself. Be your own best friend and be nice to yourself.

I hate myself in photos. I look properly minging. I feel mad with people who take pictures of me in which I look disgusting. I have nothing useful to add other than you are not alone.

You know what I think part of this problem is, modern day photos and the way people take them.
So many people stand perfecting their pose for ever, taking 100 shots, making sure the background and lighting are perfect. Making sure their make up reflects well in a photo.

Then they add filters, zoom in to their best bits. I bet yours were just natural happy with your kids photos not pouring down the lense with some filter on.

We aren’t used to seeing normal photos.
But what I guarantee is that you look great on your photo and in real life.
It’s just some how we’ve been conditioned to think the pouting selfies are normal.

I can guarantee you no other person will judge you as harshly as you judge yourself.

What do you get from doing yourself down? What do your kids get from you doing yourself down? Nothing, that's what.

The only people who benefit are people trying to sell you shit because they do better when we feel worse. And it is hard to fight against, but you are more than your weight or your looks, so it's just a waste of time and energy to spend it hating on yourself.

I hope you can find a happier place soon.

@Starsolight

You know what I think part of this problem is, modern day photos and the way people take them. So many people stand perfecting their pose for ever, taking 100 shots, making sure the background and lighting are perfect. Making sure their make up reflects well in a photo.

Then they add filters, zoom in to their best bits. I bet yours were just natural happy with your kids photos not pouring down the lense with some filter on.

We aren’t used to seeing normal photos.
But what I guarantee is that you look great on your photo and in real life.
It’s just some how we’ve been conditioned to think the pouting selfies are normal.

This. I am the world's worst for this. I complain that DH never takes pictures of me and DS but when he does, especially candid ones, I pore over them and criticise the living hell out of it and then he gets annoyed. I need to be more relaxed, though there do seem to be people who can take a candid shot and still look amazing.

I’m sure you’re just being overly critical.

I actually really hate how I look, it doesn’t really bother me in the main day to day but this whole modern taking photos of everything I struggle with.

I think you need to concentrate more on your health and happiness and less on photos.

Just come across this on Facebook - must be monitoring my activity 🤨 true though!

Stop being so hard on yourself. If a close friend had lost weight you would be congratulating them & thinking of words of encouragement, not telling them that they were still fat & ugly. Be nice to yourself.

Someone told me once at photo shoots with professional photographers and models they take thousands of photos and in the end they only choose to publish a few photos and they air brush these photos with these beautiful models and yet if we take a picture of ourselves and we don’t like it we end up feeling terrible based on one photo. I’ve spent my whole life basing how I feel about myself on photos even when I felt good and confident at the time. My advise is don’t base your feelings on one photo

H8theW8 That's the truest thing I ever saw!

Well done for losing weight!!!!

I’m a proper hoofer and proper fat to boot. If I have my photo taken I look 100 times worse than I do in life (hardly possible but there you go)

You are doing miles better than me by actually managing to lose some poundage.

I bet you are supermodel material next to me. I’ve a face for radio and an arse to fill a four seater settee.

Well done flower - onwards and upwards - and look at yourself with a kinder eye. Please. x 🌻 x

H8theW8

LOVE THAT 💗 🤣

Seriously don’t trust your husbands photography, I’ve just had some professional photos taken of my kids and the photographer asked if I wanted one with me and them. I look nice, like I see in the mirror.

Then I went on a U.K. trip and my husband took photos of me and the kids and I look awful, so many chins and my arms are huge.
I highly recommend getting some nice ones done with a really good photographer

OP - I lost 10kgs fro Nov-Jan. Everyone was telling me i had lost weight but I just could not see it.

I still take shit photos - I am not photogenic at any angle - bloody DCS are which makes me look even worse!

Give yourself a break

Pictures cannot capture someone's charisma and goodness as a person. Thankfully, your loved ones love you based on the real you, and not how photogenic you are.

Super impressed with you for losing weight when you felt it was necessary. It takes a lot of character and discipline to do it. Please don't be discouraged!

It's a journey!! Don't be discouraged. You're doing really well and have made a ton of progress. Just keep going and feeling good x

Always take progress photos OP. It keeps you on track if you're on one.

Stop the self beating up.

I recently lost 18/19kilograms. I’m 1 kilogram away from a healthy bmi . I still look fat when I see myself . The brain is a funny thing ☹️

Ever heard of the quote “ nothing tastes as good as skinny feels “ . !? It should be “ nothing tastes as good as healthy feels “!

Well done op, keep going you're doing great. Please don't give up and understand all your good work. Keep going.