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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel really down about going to soft play on my own?

53 replies

Pinknailpaint · 02/07/2021 21:56

I’m taking my 3 year old tomorrow, on my own again…I went last week, by myself…and two weeks before, again on my own.
I look around and see people chatting on tables together, friends meeting up and I have no one. I ask the few mum friends I have and they usually say they’re busy doing something else, so can’t make it
Last time I was literally the only person sitting by myself while my son was off playing.

OP posts:

SuperCaliFragalistic · 02/07/2021 22:22

Not sure why you're spending so much time at soft play when the weather has been dry and there nicer places to go. When I had children of that age I only went to soft play as a last resort in bad weather. Park, woods, beach, city farm taking scooters out. Museums are open now too. Go somewhere you might enjoy yourself instead.

usernotfound0000 · 02/07/2021 22:26

I love soft play on my own now! My two go off and play and I take headphones or my kindle and enjoy a mostly uninterrupted hour of peace.

omgthepain · 02/07/2021 22:29

@Pinknailpaint

I'm the same
I work and don't do a
School run and can't be doing with the
Bitchy wattsapp groups and Facebook pages basically moaning about everything and anything.

My little girl (nearly 6) doesn't make friends easily she prefers grown up company so I'm often sat there on my own it's boring and hard work 😓 so I feel your pain xx

waltzingparrot · 02/07/2021 22:30

Do any of your working friends have their mums looking after their toddlers. Do you know their mums? Could you take one of them?

Do you go to and mother and toddler groups? I think it's easier to make friends there, who you could then ask to go to soft play with you.

Wtfdidwedo · 02/07/2021 22:30

I've never gone with anyone else, I only have very few friends and they live in different areas and are childless. I just enjoy the time by myself. Maybe I'll make "mum friends" when my two start school.

NakedAttraction · 02/07/2021 22:31

YABU because soft play is awful. Your friends probably just don’t go.

avenueaspirr · 02/07/2021 22:33

I think having friends just on the basis that you have children the same age doesn’t equal real friendships. And the conversation would likely only revolve around your children.

But we need to know more about your circumstances OP to comment further.

BackforGood · 02/07/2021 22:34

If you don't enjoy sitting there, reading / knitting / scrolling through your phone / having a coffee, then don't go.

There is no reason why your dc "has" to go to softplay. We only ever went under duress when one of mine got invited to a birthday party once they got to school.

If you aren't enjoying it, then don't go. Particularly in the warm weather now - go to the park, the library, swimming if you like, woods, beach if you are near, country walks, feed the ducks, etc etc.
I never expected anyone else to come along on a trip when I was taking my dc out places.

mag2305 · 02/07/2021 22:48

@Artesia

It could well not be about you at all. Some of the people you asked might have made a polite excuse as they don't feel comfortable at soft yet- it's a germ pit at the best of times. I've been relatively relaxed about Covid, but wouldn't go to soft play at the moment, especially with the delta variant number, and the spread among children.

This is exactly what I wondered. I wouldn't go to soft play yet either.

Pastnowfuture · 02/07/2021 23:15

My little boy is 14 months and I feel similar at times. Not just soft play but anywhere- park, farm etc. There's often mums in pairs or groups and I'm always solo. No family nearby and covid didn't allow me to meet any other mums during pregnancy or early months. Toddler classes are restrictive in terms of staying on your mat and wearing masks which really does limit scope for forming new friendships. However I've recently joined an outdoor toddler class and it's much better. You can move around freely and chat. As a result I'm taking my little boy on his first playdate with someone I met there and her son this Monday. Wish me luck!

Maggiesfarm · 02/07/2021 23:38

If you don't like it, and it obviously makes you sad to be sitting on your own while others are in groups, don't go. Children didn't have specified soft play sessions years ago and were none the worse for it. Your son will have plenty of play when he goes to nursery or pre-school.

Lockdownbear · 02/07/2021 23:47

Op do things the other way round if you have a mums WhatsApp group or message friends individually - LO and I are free on Saturday morning anyone fancy meeting up?

I could be Saturday is the issue, in my head it's a family day, but then you know if it's the softplay or weekend that's the issue.

Meatshake · 02/07/2021 23:54

To all those people saying enjoy it/that they'd like it, I think you're being a bit harsh. Its fine to enjoy time on your own when it's on your own terms but it sounds like OP is feeling a bit lonely and you're sticking the boot in somewhat.

problembottom · 03/07/2021 00:54

If you live near me I’d happily introduce you into mum group OP

RainbowCrayons · 03/07/2021 03:31

My first thought was YABU because when I go to soft play with another parent I never get chance to talk to them anyway because DS is only just 2 so needs me pretty much all the time either to play or to stop him injuring himself but your DC is older so I can see the appeal of actually getting some adult time so totally NBU

Not sure what to suggest but I really hope you live near to one of the other MNers who can put you in contact with a bigger group.

Pinot4evs · 03/07/2021 11:19

YABU, you have mum friends but they couldn’t make it. Some people have no mum friends at all.

derailment · 03/07/2021 11:44

^I ask the few mum friends I have and they usually say they're busy doing something else, so can't make it
^
Maybe they're like me and absolutely loathe soft play? My children only go when DH takes them (regularly, as he likes it, weirdo!) . I'd rather chew off my own arm than go, alone or with friends.

Ask them to do something else. Park? Coffee at one of your houses whilst the children play? Swimming with the children? There's loads of mum friend things to do that aren't soft play.

If they don't want to do any of those things either 1) they're genuinely just busy people or 2) they don't really want to spend time with you, in which case you need to find new friends!

Naomixx · 23/07/2021 09:23

I used to take my son to soft play alone all the time, it never bothered me. You aren’t being judged.

Mockolate · 23/07/2021 09:36

@UserAtLarge

If your son is able to play with minimal supervision, you need to reframe this as some fantastic time to yourself. I used to knit. Soft play conversations are never very satisfactory anyway.

This I used to love the peace time I got at soft play! Chuck 'em in the ball pool, then take a magazine, bonus if they have wifi to scroll FB or whatever, and a bacon butty and cup of tea from the cafe, sorted

Stinkywizzleteets · 23/07/2021 09:40

When my eldest was young I’d take my uni books, stick in earplugs and enjoy getting some study time in. I totally get it’s a magnification of a lonely environment if you’re already feeling lonely but no one goes to soft play to make friends. Parents go for the half an hours peace and a coffee and a legitimate excuse to be glued to their phone.

DysmalRadius · 23/07/2021 09:41

can't be doing with the Bitchy wattsapp groups and Facebook pages basically moaning about everything and anything.

My little girl (nearly 6) doesn't make friends easily she prefers grown up company so I'm often sat there on my own it's boring and hard work 😓 so I feel your pain xx

To be fair, it sounds like you have actively chosen not to engage with other parents - perhaps your daughter would be more into friendships with other children if she could see you stepping outside your comfort zone too?

PRsecrets · 23/07/2021 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lemonmelonsun · 23/07/2021 10:31

Op, try not to feel self conscious, for me soft play was a lone activity I used to dive into our local one as and when I needed a break rather than to meet anyone.
These groups are probably nct ready made friends group and I can guarantee not everyone will be enjoying that.
It's a shame really as sometimes people do cling to that pack rather than relax and chat to others like a yourself.

Clappingforjoy · 23/07/2021 10:47

I used to mostly sit on my own but with somebody else's dc in tow so my ds had a mate to go with.
I didn't mind my own company sat having a drink and a nosh up

Absofriginlutelyexhausted · 23/07/2021 10:49

Try the peanut app? It's like tinder for mums!

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