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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does anyone regret having a third?

52 replies

alongwiththesunshine · 02/07/2021 21:43

I have a 3 year old, a 3 month old and I found out I'm pregnant yesterday

I know my dh will want a termination as he doesn't think I'd be able to cope with the age gap of the youngest 2 and that we would live to regret.

So I would love some honest answers on the age gap or any regrets?

I'm aware it's not a aibu SORRY!

OP posts:

lovablequalities · 02/07/2021 21:47

Only you know.

I had three under 4 but I wanted three and I love having my wee guy...

None of the answers you get will be your answer

Cut yourself some slack

Liverbird77 · 02/07/2021 21:49

I think you would adapt to the situation.

I would absolutely love more children but my husband wants to stop at two.

I am sure the first few years would be challenging, but amazing also.

Hankunamatata · 02/07/2021 21:50

Not regret as such but I do feel I missed put enjoying mine as babies. I was that caught up trying to meet everyone's needs and surviving on zero sleep that baby stage and toddler year slipped by without enjoyment.

thenightsky · 02/07/2021 21:51

Probably no help, but I do regret NOT having a third.

Original poster

alongwiththesunshine · 02/07/2021 21:53

@Hankunamatata

Yes! My ds2 (youngest) I hate the fact I can't just cuddle him all day because I have a very very over active ds1.

But then I also remember wishing ds1 had a buddy in the park etc and if I go along with this pregnancy while ds1 is in school after the first year ds2 and dc3 will have each other!

Ahhhhh

OP posts:

PinkyU · 02/07/2021 21:56

Not for a second. Our third is autistic and has various, complex medical needs, she is also amazing and has completed our family in ways I never expected.

Wannakisstheteacher · 02/07/2021 21:56

No way! DS3 is the absolute love of my life. I have loads of regrets in life, but he is definitely not one of them.

Hippee · 02/07/2021 21:57

DD was a bit of a surprise 17 months after DS2. Obviously I wouldn't be without her. Only downsides are that the world generally caters for 2 children in things like hotels.We have adapted by embracing camping and opting for self-catering.

DramaAlpaca · 02/07/2021 21:58

No regrets at all. My small age gap is between my first two so different to OP's situation, but DS3 was meant to be and completed our family.

Pinotwoman82 · 02/07/2021 21:59

My 3rd was a surprise and throughout pregnancy I found it hard but by god when I saw him 🥰 he is 7 now and realises that he has us all wrapped round his fingers 🙈

Northernlurker · 02/07/2021 22:00

No, she was a very planned baby but I didn't expect how she would make me feel complete.

Ilikecheeseontoast · 02/07/2021 22:00

I had 3 under 3 at one point. The first year has been brutal but I’m beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel and really enjoy my three. The bond they have is amazing. Wouldn’t change a thing x

gwenneh · 02/07/2021 22:01

DD3 is an absolute blessing. DH was afraid for many reasons when we found out I was pregnant but none of his fears have come to pass. Definitely no regrets.

Member589500 · 02/07/2021 22:04

I have 3 and wanted 2. No 2 was twins. I was not pleased.
I’ve been very lucky and they’re all kind of perfect and the most wonderful children ever born etc but it’s really affected everything from tiredness to money stresses and life would have been easier without 3 under 3!

Alcesalces · 02/07/2021 22:07

No regrets as she completed our family. As soon as I had her I just stopped feeling broody. She was a brilliant baby - much more challenging now she's 9!

But it is more expensive. Childcare costs, especially with two close in age were very expensive. Our car had to be changed so we can fit everyone in. We're now moving house because the bedroom for our youngest is too small. Holidays are more expensive and I will have to work longer in a stressful job to fund three lots of university. She's worth it though!

OhRene · 02/07/2021 22:08

I am absolutely besotted with my third. Well, all three of course, but ours have age gaps of around 2 years so not really your situation. However, I also find parenting easy anyway. It's something I was made for and I just love it. Screaming babies don't bother me. Night feeds are fine and I've never found it a struggle since my first was around 6 months and I started to figure it all out. (It was crazy up til then. We were clueless newbies).

I think there's a lot of differences for everyone though. My DH is a brilliant dad and despite working, I don't think I've changed many nappies at all when he has been at home. He also put our last child's Moses basket on his side of the bed because he figured he could soothe the baby while I got ready to breastfeed in the night. If you don't have damn good support then you need to have a good think and consider everything,

OhRene · 02/07/2021 22:08

That said, you do adapt.

LaProcureure · 02/07/2021 22:11

Nope! I’ve got 4!

AliceMcK · 02/07/2021 22:13

No never, I really wanted a third. It’s hard especially in the early days. I remember being told it’s a big jump from 1 to 2 but not so much from 2-3, they were right. As for 1 on 1 time and cuddles, you can find ways. My DH and I have a rule where we each spend 1 on 1 time with each one especially as they get older.

I will say your DH has to be 100% on board and prepared to put in the work to help you. Although I always wanted a third we had made the decision to stay at 2 for many practical reasons, it was a drunk broody DH who suggested a third. When he sobered up I made it clear that if we did it he had to be 100% on board as i couldnt mange all 3 on my own. He’s always been a good hands on DH and dad but I wanted to make sure he knew it there would be no relaxing for a while.

Charbead49 · 02/07/2021 22:16

Only you know the answer and if it is yes but your partner isn't supportive it will be tough. The preschool years are crazy anyway and you need a solid team.

3 DC under 4 here and the third totally completes our family but it was planned.

Perfectlystill · 02/07/2021 22:18

No. My third is the best thing I've ever done.

Miljea · 02/07/2021 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Perfectlystill · 02/07/2021 22:32

What a really mean thing to say @Miljea

I know several families with one child with SEN and am always blown away by the love the non-SEN children have for their sibling.

saggybaps · 02/07/2021 22:36

I too regret not having a 3rd/ 4th. Too scared to go for it and left it all too late!

BackforGood · 02/07/2021 22:39

We don't regret dc3. She makes our family complete.

Of course having two very close together will be hard in the baby stages, but there are a lot of positives after that to them growing up close together.
Of course, we are all different, but the other question you need to ask is "will I regret terminating".

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