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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is dh really rude

29 replies

Alliseaisyou · 02/07/2021 20:38

I've name changed because I can't decide if this is me BU or if dh is actually rude af.

DH has been playfully whinging about our diet the last week or so. It's terrible tbf but we have 2 under 3 and both work so just live off takeaways and snacks.

He said he'd love a proper homecooked meal so after settling our dd I just cooked pasta, meatballs and an arrabiatte sauce all from scratch - except the pasta. He comes downstairs after watching the football and sees its nearly ready and says I'm just going to ring Bob. Bob is the assistant manager of his football team - to arrange their preseason details for the end of the month.

I serve it up. I eat half my tea and he is still on the phone. Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off? I'm exhausted but made the effort and he can't respect me enough to come down in a timely manner so we can enjoy it together.

He said sorry it overran but it I'm actually really angry about it.

OP posts:
HermioneKipper · 02/07/2021 20:41

Yep this would piss me off hugely. No more requests from him!

Whatifitallgoesright · 02/07/2021 20:43

What's he got planned to cook tomorrow?

girlmom21 · 02/07/2021 20:45

I think you're massively overreacting. You could have just turned out down so it cooked slower or said "can you ring Bob after dinner because it's ready now?"

Nonmaquillee · 02/07/2021 20:45

“Playfully whinging “ - do you mean “passive aggressive “?
Nothing remotely playful about a whinging adult.

Mowly75 · 02/07/2021 20:47

Rude AF. I would be fuming. And if he wants a home cooked meal he can cook it, not request one like he lives in a hotel!

pudcat · 02/07/2021 20:49

He cooks his own from now on

SesameOrangutan · 02/07/2021 20:49

Did he know when it would be ready? If not, you can't expect him to be psychic... Pasta sauce can blob away for hours and hours so I'm not sure why you served it up and ate it without him tbh Hmm I'd agree if you said it was ready now and it were something that would spoil but you could've just asked him not to make the phone call or waited until after the phone call.

delilahbucket · 02/07/2021 20:50

Had you said it was ready and then he rang Bob then that would be a problem, but you didn't say that, and he probably thought the phone call would take a couple of minutes. You've said your piece, he apologised, move on. His turn to cook tomorrow 😁.

Original poster
Alliseaisyou · 02/07/2021 20:54

When he came down he saw it was nearly cooked and said he'd be 15 mins so I timed it at that. I was hungry and didn't see why I should sit and wait when he'd decided to go back upstairs.
He could have rang him downstairs and would've seen me serving up but didn't stay. I would usually shout up any other time of day but didn't want to wake the kids.

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/07/2021 20:54

Did you actually tell him it was ready? If you didn't then i think you are BU.

gamerchick · 02/07/2021 20:56

I don't understand why you cooked. He wants home cooking and whining about it then be can pull his finger out and cook something.

TheCanyon · 02/07/2021 21:01

It honestly wouldn't bother me in the slightest, if my dh wanted to talk to Bob and eat mushy overcooked pasta he can totally crack on, I'm eating tea when I've got it ready. I would enjoy the peace tbf Grin

If you don't have time to cook properly and eat rubbish, then what do you feed your dc? Presumably something decent? Slow cooking/batch cooking is an absolute time saver.

Pikachusbutt · 02/07/2021 21:02

@gamerchick

I don't understand why you cooked. He wants home cooking and whining about it then be can pull his finger out and cook something.
This. If my DH wants to eat something he cooks it himself.
LannieDuck · 02/07/2021 21:03

Tell him it's his turn to make a proper homecooked meal tomorrow.

Original poster
Alliseaisyou · 02/07/2021 21:07

The dc eat well, I'm vegetarian but usually make something with meat in for them as I want them to have a balanced diet while they're so young, otherwise I would just eat with them.

We do have a slow cooker and went through a phase last year of really making most of it. I'm just knackered and sadly the just eat app is easier Blush we do really need to get a grip on our diets though.

I just felt disrespected by dh the way he went on about it and then just came down when it suited him. We work shifts so sitting down together to eat a nice meal is quite rare.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alliseaisyou · 02/07/2021 21:08

I'm prepared to be flamed for this but I've accepted cooking as 'my job'. I don't think he would cook and definitely wouldn't follow a recipe.

OP posts:
Shitapillar · 02/07/2021 21:11

@Hellodarknessmyoldpal

Did you actually tell him it was ready? If you didn't then i think you are BU.
Why the fuck should she, he saw for himself it was almost ready. He's whinged for a home cooked meal....which he could have actually cooked himself, but didn't. I'm not surprised OP was furious.
DreamingofTimbuktu · 02/07/2021 21:15

He’s rude but you know that. He needs to cook tomorrow- it’s not your job, he’s a grown adult and can work it out.

Ughmaybenot · 02/07/2021 21:18

I wouldn’t be happy about that at all, so rude.
My husband often (every fucking day) has to take phone calls throughout the evening due to work but that’s him answering rather than him making the calls, so I tolerate that, if that makes sense? But no, choosing to make a chat call right as he could see tea was nearly done… fuck off.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/07/2021 21:19

Meh just not sure it's something to be furious over but your entitled to feel how you feel. I would maybe be a bit pissed if i had said when it would be ready but i would also assume if the work call was interfering with dinner it must be important. Just think it's a bit odd to expect someone to know something you haven't actually told them but each to their own.

OP tell him it's his turn to cook tomorrow!

RaginaFalangi · 02/07/2021 21:20

He needs to take his turn in cooking especially if he's complained that all yous eat is takeaways, if he expects you to cook all the time then cook for yourself and dc's.

I would be a bit annoyed tho.

noworklifebalance · 02/07/2021 21:27

Unless there is some back story, I think YABU.
You told him 15min, that’s usually enough time for a quick call (which this sounded like it would be) but for whatever reason it ran over.
He returned after you had eaten half of it, so if doesn’t sound like the call massively ran over, unless you are a verrrry slow eater, even when ravenous.

Demortuisnilnisibonum · 02/07/2021 21:28

Very rude. I would try to tell him calmly what an effort you made and why you think he was a bit thoughtless. Make sure he knows it’s his turn to make home cooked meal next time.

Faranth · 02/07/2021 21:33

This royally pisses me off, it's so rude.

I get fed up when I shout to DP that dinner's ready, and he comes in and gets DD's and then doesn't come back for his own. So I was either juggling 2 plates and my drink or taking his in and then going back for my own.

Made me feel like bloody staff - not only have I been in the kitchen cooking while he watches tv, but then he expects me to waitress too.

I've gone past calling him back for his own, as I was doing it every evening (and getting more and more cross!). So now I just take my own in and start eating. Suddenly it's all leaping off the sofa and flurry of activity with 'I'm just xyz' while doing some completely non urgent task. Why he can't just walk to the kitchen and pick up his dinner without some ridiculous performance I don't know.

And breathe.

He also went through a few weeks of asking me when dinner would be ready, then when I said 5 minutes or some other small amount of time, he'd immediately phone someone and go wandering around the garden while talking to them. That stopped when I got fed up of going to search for him doing laps of the house and just plated it up and left it on the side to go cold.

Cocomarine · 02/07/2021 21:33

It it was rude of him not to watch the clock.
But if you’d just said, “dinner’s ready” then you either would have had no issue now (“sorry Bob, got to go - oh, that smells delicious, thanks darling!”) or you wouldn’t need AIBU to know he was (if he didn’t get off the phone).

I’d have more of a problem with his whining for a hone cooked meal when it’s already been decided that you’re the only one who cooks 🙄 I’d have told him then that I’m not a fucking restaurant 🤷🏻‍♀️

One off call, over running, distracted - I could forgive that.

Thinking I was there to provide all his meal orders? Nah, fuck that.

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