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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much child maintenance you receive.

309 replies

Sailingthroughtheweek · 02/07/2021 12:07

I’m wondering where DC and I fit on the spectrum, just out of interest.

I receive £300 per month for one DC.
He lives 100 miles away and does no childcare at all, so that pays for breakfast/ after school clubs, holiday clubs and a bit towards her hobbies.

I’m very, very glad to be in my current position and not still married, so I’m not moaning at all, and also, I earn more than him so I don’t need more, but a £300 contribution to our DC seems low.

OP posts:
Glitterandglow · 03/07/2021 15:06

None 😫😡

Arsebucket · 03/07/2021 15:15

£700. And didn’t know it. Every penny held over my head for ten years. He only saw ds maybe one weekend a month after he got bored of the disney dad act and his new wife decided she didn’t like ds much.

Private arrangement. He earned 180k a year when we split (in contrast, i’ve always been a min wage carer, part time). He pleaded poverty though. I didn’t go through CMS as he was a bully and he would have fiddled things anyway, or made a point of having ds 50/50 so he wouldn’t have to pay, which wouldn’t have been good for ds.

ds turned 18, left college this month and I got a text telling me that it was now up to me to raise my son, he wouldn’t be paying for that any longer.

It was 800 a month at the beginning, but when he married his wife a year after we spit, he took off £100 as she had two children.

twat.

Resilience · 03/07/2021 15:16

In the UK only 32% of lone parents receive child maintenance.
Around the same percentage of lone parents are living in official poverty.
Of cases involving CMS, on average 68% of NRPs are compliant, the majority of whom are on benefits.

Stats are from ONS and the following academic research paper. Hakovirta, Mia, Skinner, Christine , Hiilamo, Heikki et al. (1 more author) (2020) Child Poverty, Child Maintenance and Interactions with Social Assistance Benefits among Lone Parent Families : A Comparative Analysis. Journal of Social Policy. pp. 19-39. ISSN 1469-7823

Arsebucket · 03/07/2021 15:16

oh and ds went on holiday with him a couple of times, just twice as his new wife didn’t want ds on her family holidays. He used to take off a couple of hundred for his food etc - as he wasn’t with me for ten days, why should I have the full amount? 😡

motogogo · 03/07/2021 15:20

£875, but private arrangement as dc over 18. 1 dc is dependent due to autism (currently unable to get benefits nor work!) so he is going to pay half her costs for foreseeable future. This is about 15% of gross pay

motogogo · 03/07/2021 15:22

(He knows I would have gone to court if he didn't step up, this saved him lawyers fees)

Cherries590 · 03/07/2021 15:23

@Arsebucket

£700. And didn’t know it. Every penny held over my head for ten years. He only saw ds maybe one weekend a month after he got bored of the disney dad act and his new wife decided she didn’t like ds much.

Private arrangement. He earned 180k a year when we split (in contrast, i’ve always been a min wage carer, part time). He pleaded poverty though. I didn’t go through CMS as he was a bully and he would have fiddled things anyway, or made a point of having ds 50/50 so he wouldn’t have to pay, which wouldn’t have been good for ds.

ds turned 18, left college this month and I got a text telling me that it was now up to me to raise my son, he wouldn’t be paying for that any longer.

It was 800 a month at the beginning, but when he married his wife a year after we spit, he took off £100 as she had two children.

twat.

That’s ghastly.
anonforamo · 03/07/2021 23:04

I think the disparity is far beyond what the other parents wage is. Some find very creative ways not to support their dc, some have lower income but many assets not taken in account, and women are generally worse off because of it. I know several who receive next to nothing, and one who receives 100pcm and he makes her feel like she's taken him to the poor house. Meanwhile he and his gf go on Vagas vacations.

Having said that I have a friend where custody is 50/50 yet she receives 1500 pcm for 2 children AND he pays 1/2 of all "extra ordinary costs" which includes childcare, school trips, school supplies. He is very much worse off and she is even the higher earner and has parental help which he doesn't have. I hesitate to share this story b/c most often women and children are not better off and are kept in poverty. But I do think some women just have the ability to get a good legal team together. I have an acquaintance who married the brother of a friend of mine. He is a very high earner and they met in NYC both working there. Her in a year away sort of thing with average income, him an international banker. He left her and 2 dc and she has something on him but won't disclose what, anyway, he had to buy her a London regency townhouse (it's lush!) and a very generous monthly package, as well as a holiday let. She only worked 1 day/week and stopped that as soon as he left. They holiday frequently and not just to their holiday let. The whole thing is fascinating. He's not even allowed to mention his kids on the work website anymore. She's definitely got some dirt and has done very nicely because of it. She's come out of a 7 year marriage with two lovely dc ages 6 and 5, two mortgage free properties and a generous income that allows for lots of extras in life including a weekly cleaner, holiday etc., all while she is a stay at home Mum financially supported by the maintenance he pays.

But I stand by my comment that mostly women are very much left in poorer financial status post divorce.

Misslewis · 15/12/2021 05:08

Advice please - 7 month old son, his father was my childhood sweetheart….. we reconnected during lockdown, I fell pregnant, he wanted this as much as I did…. Yet he left me when I was 3 months pregnant, never checked in on me during my pregnancy, our son is now 7 months and he has seen him 2 times and shows zero interest and doesn’t communicate…. Is it even worth going to the CMS for money from him?????

sjxoxo · 15/12/2021 05:35

@GilbertsLuckySocks agree you need to report him. Not only is he f*ing you over and your Dc he’s also working illegally and dodging tax x

sjxoxo · 15/12/2021 05:48

@Misslewis just saw this is an old thread - you might be better starting a new one for more replies xox

RedHelenB · 15/12/2021 06:37

@jimmyjammy001

It all comes down to how much your ex-dp earns, if you've chosen to have children with some dead beat that is work shy and is on minimum wage then you aren't going to get anything, if on the other hand you've chosen to have kids with someone who has got their shit together I.e a good career, house, savings, pension etc then you will get more online with their earnings
Not necessarily true if they're self employed.
knittingaddict · 15/12/2021 06:58

@Viviennemary

I've always thought it was very unfair that child maintenance isn't taken into account for benefits. It has never affected me just to clarify. But somebody getting 1800k a month maintenance and another getting nothing or £25 a week and they get the same state benefit top ups. How can that be right.
Completely disagree with this because it's the children who will suffer and why should they. If the father has an income that allows him to pay upwards of £1,000 then why shouldn't that be used to raise the standard of living for his children.

For the most part those children would have had a more privileged life pre divorce than other children. Unfortunately different standards of living for everyone is a fact of life. Making sure men pay their fair share and that children are looked after should be the priority.

Of course it's disgraceful that some men pay so little, but the ones who pay a lot aren't the issue here. It's not a race to the bottom.

earlydoors42 · 15/12/2021 06:59

I get £340 a month for my 2 kids. He doesn't have them or pay for anything else except he gives them £50.each for Christmas and birthdays. Before I went through the CMS I used to get less - based on the salary he told me he earned which was £10k less than the truth.

knittingaddict · 15/12/2021 07:00

Grrr, thought this looked familiar.

knittingaddict · 15/12/2021 07:01

ZOMBIE ALERT

catinboots123 · 15/12/2021 07:02

I get £50 a week but it should be £68 - I haven't got the energy to challenge him over it though.

One of my friends (high earner) pays just over £2k a month for his 2 DC

WonderWomansBoobs · 15/12/2021 07:29

My ex is self employed (pretty sure he's not declaring exactly what he gets) so I got the bare minimum of £31 a month for 3 dc. 1 dc has gone to live with him, so now I also have to pay him £31 which cancels out his payment, so although I've got 1 more dc I get nothing off him. Now I've gotten myself a little part time job I will probably have to pay him extra and that pisses me off so much.

whoisit12 · 15/12/2021 07:35

£50 a week for one and he has her for two hours a week

UghFletcher · 15/12/2021 07:39

Sweet FA since August 2019. Before that, maybe £20 a week if he felt like paying it.

He was paying then 'lost his job' and has somehow managed to survive the last 2 years without one (not even on benefits to get me the minimum apparently as I got CMS involved Confused)

milkysmum · 15/12/2021 07:41

I occasionally get £60 a week for my two DC. I got nothing for the first 2 years after we separated- and for the past year I can sometimes persuade him to give me this.
I can't go through child maintenance as he is a self employed bricklayer and does not put money through the books so on paper he earns nothing, the reality is he earns around £600 per week.

FreedomFaith · 15/12/2021 07:44

@Landslidelife

£0 for 1 dc aged 17, has no contact. He gave up working when dc was 18 months so he didn't need to pay maintenance. His arrears were written off years ago. Hes actually been working the last few years but I haven't bothered chasing cm as I think it will cause more harm than good.
I would actually, even if you still get nothing. Play the long game here. He is working again, so he is building up a pension. He frankly doesn't deserve a happy retirement for abandoning his children. Keep pestering for the arrears, so he won't work. Then he will eventually get to retirement age, and receive the shitty state pension. Accomplishment achieved, he's had a shite life and will need to work when old.
angieloumc · 15/12/2021 07:55

My DD's father pays £750 a month. She's 17 and he will carry on paying something when she goes to university next year, directly to her. He hasn't said how much but it won't be as much as CM obviously.
He's a fairly high earner. I don't feel grateful though, so he should be supporting his child. I'm glad he does but not grateful.
Though I was very grateful that he supported my son through university. He wasn't his child though had been in his life a long time. He gave him £200 a month. That was very kind of him as his own father was next to useless.

SpookyScarySkeletons · 15/12/2021 08:01

Never got a penny.

The b##tard put me through DNA testing because he didn't believe the baby was his. Then hi disappeared after the results proved that he had a son. CSA could never trace him. I once saw him in a supermarket with two little girls sat in the trolley. He totally blanked us.

DC is almost 18 now and I am bloody well proud that I raised this amazing person on my own. I wouldn't want his money if I was bloody destitute.

Tuesday598 · 15/12/2021 08:04

Nothing, and he hasn't seen dd in 2 years now.