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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is strange?

38 replies

snoopy2016 · 02/07/2021 12:06

We are a very much keep ourselves to ourselves family and don’t really speak to the neighbours etc we just are busy with work etc. I had to speak to one of the neighbours yesterday about something. We had quite a long conversation about various bits.

I just found it weird when he mentioned that he had noticed I’d changed jobs and shifts and even said oh I’ve never heard of your company what do they do? This information has come from the fact my company name is written on my hiviz and he knew where my daughter worked too. I just found it strange he said I bet your shift working from start time to finish time is a bit weird and he stated he preferred office hours.

I don’t know but I found it weird that they take so much notice of what we do, he also mentioned oh you like hiking we do that too I mean we’ve only been twice since COVID and they moved in a year ago and that really made me feel weird.

Do people actually take this much notice of their neighbours I couldn’t tell you much about anyone round here apart from maybe who has a dog and maybe where they work if they have a works van with the name on. I certainly couldn’t say what hours they work or any of their hobbies.

AIBU to think this is weird or am I weird and people take more notice than me?

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 02/07/2021 12:27

i dont know, in our old house i knew the old couple across the road had 2 dogs, he went out running everyday, had a yellow motorcycle he would go out for rides on, had kids/grandkids that visited, knew when they were having a kitchen fitted etc. I knew next door worked for a company that incidentally I used to sell to many years ago and he left for work at 6am, knew when they were doing up the kids room as saw she advertised some furniture on the local facebook page.
I hardly ever spoke to them but you do pick up a lot of things by osmosis, just by noticing things out the window/when you were out the front etc

trevthecat · 02/07/2021 12:30

Our block of 6 all know each others routines! But we all chat. I don't know how I would feel if I didn't speak to them. I find it reassuring being like this, if something happened my neighbours would let me know or be concerned. As we would for them

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 02/07/2021 12:38

He's just bored.y neighbour would end up noticing stuff like that as she's always peering out if her window. She's a perfectly nice lady.

PattyPan · 02/07/2021 12:40

Not weird at all, presumably he has just happened to have seen you out of the window coming/going in your high vis. It’s normal to notice your surroundings…

DeathStare · 02/07/2021 12:45

Sounds perfectly normal to me. I asked my newish neighbour for help with a question about my DC's bike. He had never told me he likes cycling but I had noticed him going out on his bike lots. Thinking about it I know where he works too as he has it on his polo shirt. I knew a previous neighbour worked shifts as I'd noticed her going to/from work.

TedMullins · 02/07/2021 12:51

Personally I find people who keep to themselves and don’t speak to neighbours weirder. I got my immediate neighbours numbers and made as a WhatsApp group when I moved in and we chat quite regularly now. There’s a woman upstairs who is astonishingly antisocial (she completely ignored me when I held the front door open for her and barely leaves her flat) and I saw her name on her post in the communal hallway and googled her and looked her up on social media purely because i’m intrigued as to who she is and what her life is like. I don’t think your neighbour is being weird, he’s just noticed some pretty obvious things about you and is trying to be friendly.

kindaclassy · 02/07/2021 12:54

Depends. If there's a work van parked in front of the neighbours' house every day, I would notice.

If the neighbours are very noisy, I might notice their work pattern too even if I didn't want to.

If my neighbours are bored and very aware of what we do, I don't care. Means someone is keeping an eye on the house, so am happy with that.

Original poster
snoopy2016 · 02/07/2021 13:04

@TedMullins

Personally I find people who keep to themselves and don’t speak to neighbours weirder. I got my immediate neighbours numbers and made as a WhatsApp group when I moved in and we chat quite regularly now. There’s a woman upstairs who is astonishingly antisocial (she completely ignored me when I held the front door open for her and barely leaves her flat) and I saw her name on her post in the communal hallway and googled her and looked her up on social media purely because i’m intrigued as to who she is and what her life is like. I don’t think your neighbour is being weird, he’s just noticed some pretty obvious things about you and is trying to be friendly.
We don’t speak to people as we do long hours and don’t have the time really, I’m usually in bed during the day until 12 ish as I work late shifts.

You would be googling us then 😂😂 as we only go out to work and food shop. We’ve always just been quiet and private.

OP posts:
Original poster
snoopy2016 · 02/07/2021 13:05

Maybe it’s just me then I spend a lot of time in the back garden when the wether is nice I just don’t see anything the neighbours do.

OP posts:
Raaaaaaarr · 02/07/2021 13:07

Yep this is normal. I am working from home and do naturally know my neighbours routines and things like that now. I haven't been snooping or anything it's just all happening out my window which I happen to look out from time to time. I'm very busy too but know what's going on around me as well. Also I think they were just trying to be friendly. Lighten up a bit and maybe get to know the people living around you a bit more. A sense of community can be quite nice.

Umbra · 02/07/2021 13:23

' ...I saw her name on her post in the communal hallway and googled her and looked her up on social media purely because i’m intrigued as to who she is and what her life is like.'

I think that's appalling. Let the poor woman have her privacy.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 02/07/2021 13:34

@Umbra
I think that's appalling. Let the poor woman have her privacy.

I mean I wouldn't have bothered googling or looking on Facebook but it's hardly an invasion of privacy. You can't put information up on social media then complain when people look at it. Any adult with a social media account realises that anyone who's curious can look you up, and you shareinformation accordingly.

HeronLanyon · 02/07/2021 13:38

Well it depends on the neighbour. I have neighbour who know a lot about my and me them because we talk or ask each other for favours every now and then or are actually friends/close. Also have neighbours who seem quite private and I respect that. I tend to take my cues from others. I agree it would be odd for one of my more distant neighbours to disclose they know a lot about me. However I wouldn’t worry about shifts etc as neighbours will naturally be aware of when you are up/leave for work etc. There is an element of us all being aware of patterns of those around us without it being creepy or odd surely ?

NothingIcando · 02/07/2021 13:50

Yanbu. After the shit start(weather wise)to this spring ,I had my tomato and cucumber seedlings in an upstairs window with a small light for duller days.
Several neighbours who I dont really speak to ,mentioned to some people I do happen to know(small town) that I was growing 'loads of weed plants' in my upstairs window and the whole road knew about it. HmmGrin some people have too much time and if you keep to yourself it makes them even more desperate to find out things about you. Or in my case...just make things up about you GrinHow boring for them!!

Youdiditanyway · 02/07/2021 13:52

Last year Amazon delivered something to our address that weirdly had DH’s name on but he definitely hadn’t ordered it, it was a pond pump so entirely useless to us. We contacted Amazon to ask what we should do and they just advised we change password and keep it. It was no use to us but our NDN have a pond so DH took it over to give to them. We’ve never really spoken to them, they don’t seem to leave the house all that much aside from to do the gardening and walk their dog but they aren’t very talkative.

Anyway long story short, they advised DH pay with Amazon vouchers because it’s more secure than using his debit card and they’d noticed we order from Amazon a lot so it would be useful. They didn’t really leave their house often or speak to us but noticed how much we order from prime Blush. I reined it in a bit after that, felt embarrassed.

Anyway, I don’t think it’s weird. We noticed when the guy across the road changed jobs for example despite never really speaking to him.

summerishere1 · 02/07/2021 13:56

I could only focus on how many times you used the word ’weird’, sorry.😂 A bit weird, yes. Or he’s just been bored.

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 02/07/2021 14:00

I notice this about my neighbours but I’m very observant and quite nosey! I don’t think I’d comment on it to them though as I’d worry they’d think I was watching them.

haveaday · 02/07/2021 14:17

I know the bloke across the road from me is a taxi driver and he comes and goes all the time. I think he must do a job and then come home to wait for the next job. When I first moved in I thought he was a drug dealer 😂

Mydogisagentleman · 02/07/2021 15:14

I know that D and S next door are.retired.
Other side are both Portuguese nurses.
Two doors down, nurse and roofer
Other way consultant orthopaedic surgeon
Over the road, A and E consultant, PE teacher, Indian restaurant owner, Insurnce broker, Vet
I am not nosy

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/07/2021 15:18

While googling people is ott👀 noticing your surroundings and neigbours is absolutely normal. It's really not that much infor they know about you. I know some stuff about neighbours we are just on "hello" on. Company tops, some sports they play etc. You just see these things in passing.

Googling and checking facebook is a different game.

TedMullins · 02/07/2021 15:49

@Umbra

' ...I saw her name on her post in the communal hallway and googled her and looked her up on social media purely because i’m intrigued as to who she is and what her life is like.'

I think that's appalling. Let the poor woman have her privacy.

It’s not a crime to Google someone’s name! Social media is public anyway. She (unsurprisingly) didnt have any social media profiles anyway. I don’t think it’s weird to be curious about who else lives in my building
Umbra · 02/07/2021 20:38

Ted Mullins.

I didn't say it was a crime. It's just nosy and creepy.

Frazzledd · 02/07/2021 20:45

@Umbra

Ted Mullins.

I didn't say it was a crime. It's just nosy and creepy.

I totally agree...BTW its not 'your' building, her life is absolutely none of your business.
Bouledeneige · 02/07/2021 21:23

I'm not sure if it's relevant but I live in London and it really takes me time to get to know the neighbours. I'm friendly but I really dont get to know everyone. I'm very busy so its not possible. In my old house where I lived for 20 years I knew my neighbours on either side (in a terrace) and one other close neighbour on my side of the road. It was a wide road so I didn't know people on the other side. I'd say I knew my neighbours very well and the people who bought my house told me that they loved me.

In my new place I know my neighbours and the house opposite. Love her.

But I really don't know everyone's movements. I'd be a bit surprised if someone knew all my movements and then was tactless enough to comment on them. It would put me out a bit.

But in a big city and busy streets I think there's quite a bit of anonymity. If you want it. Context is everything.

tootiredtospeak · 02/07/2021 21:47

Normal on my street

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