To feel uncomfortable with celebrity surrogacy?

[Username91]

After reading about Amber Herd having a baby girl via surrogate it just got me thinking about the amount of famous people who have children this way. I have nothing against surrogacy, it just seems to me that a lot of rich women choose to have children this way and I’m not convinced they ALL have problems carrying children themselves. I find it a bit disturbing and wondered if I’m alone in thinking this?

Once again I’d like to point out I’m not surrogacy bashing here. I just don’t think it should be something that is used by women with money as they don’t like the idea of carrying their own babies, of course it’s very different for women who struggle to conceive/carry themselves.

Are they not? I thought one was. Either way yeeeesssh. Basically just bought a baby.

That's the story that he has always given. But none of those children are in any way half black.

Op,I agree.

As others have said, you should have a problem with surrogacy, not just when it’s bought be the rich and famous.

Exploitative and wrong.

@APJ1

You'll loooove actress Lucy Liu's explanation for using a surrogate. people.com/parents/lucy-liu-gestational-surrogate-son-rockwell/

“It just seemed like the right option for me because I was working and I didn’t know when I was going to be able to stop,”

Ah, too busy, let someone else do it all.

Oh for god sake that’s awful

That rich celebs can eliminate all the hassle with their money , I find this disgusting actually.

@ConfusedBear the author of the study explains that in a summary article

“ The study also found that children born through surrogacy do not experience psychological problems. When we looked at the data over-time we found that whilst all the children scored within the normal range for psychological health, children born using surrogacy experienced more difficulties at age 7 compared to children born through sperm or egg donation. However, this difference was no longer present at age 10. The temporary difference could be due to a majority of surrogacy children being aware of their birth story (versus a minority of the children born following gamete donation) and thus having to deal with this knowledge at an earlier age. At age 14, we found no differences between children born following surrogacy and the other groups in terms of their well-being, self-esteem, and emotional or behavioural problems. If the birth story had an influence on children’s difficulties at age 7, these did not continue into adolescence.”

surrogacyuk.org/2018/10/14/research-findings-from-a-longitudinal-study-of-surrogacy-families-in-the-uk/

I don't agree with surrogacy unless it's say offered by a family member like a sibling (I do know 2 families actually where a sibling has been a surrogate for their sister)

I have a much bigger issue with donor sperm and eggs and think that should be much more restricted though

I used to be fairly neutral about surrogacy but I now am very uncomfortable with it.

When I had DD I had to have an emergency hysterectomy and had been in hospital for 3 weeks before DD was born.

Giving birth is not a risk free procedure. To me the whole thing makes commodities out of babies and also the women whose bodies are used. What if the surrogate dies or suffers birth injuries? I doubt that she will receive any support from the person/people who commissioned the surogacy. What would be the effects on her existing family?

I am lucky to have DD. At one point before I became pregnant with her I thought I was not going to be able to carry a pregnancy to term. The feeling that you might not be able ever to have a child is a horrible one but I don't think that surrogacy is the answer.

We live in a world where money can get you most of your heart's desires, so rich women paying not-so-rich-women to have babies for them shouldn't be considered 'shocking', but I don't think it's ethical in the least.

I have similar feelings about IVF which probably isn't a popular opinion, but whatever.

I think we humans often deem ourselves entitled to everything we can achieve by any means. Surrogacy has become a shitful business.

@TastyTicklemore

Babies learn their mother’s voice in utero
As well. So our babies can recognize our voices when born too.

I’ve never seen anyone bring this up about surrogacy. Maybe it causes some confusion for the newborn. But everything is new
to them and perhaps it’s not such a huge impact. I would be curious to know how this affects their first few days of life.

@APJ1

You'll loooove actress Lucy Liu's explanation for using a surrogate. people.com/parents/lucy-liu-gestational-surrogate-son-rockwell/

“It just seemed like the right option for me because I was working and I didn’t know when I was going to be able to stop,”

Ah, too busy, let someone else do it all.

WTF? She actually said that!

I think many 'celebrities' are so completely absorbed by their own existence that they really don't have very much in the way of self-awareness or humility.

All surrogacy is horrible, including so called altruistic surrogacy.

This may not be a popular opinion, but sometimes people just need to accept that they will never have children. As hard as it is for some people to accept that sometimes, that doesn’t mean that they are entitled to a children at all costs, including to the surrogate and the child.

It’s interesting that we never read anything written by adults who were conceived through surrogacy who talk favourably about the practice.

I feel similar re egg/sperm donation tbh. There is never any consideration given to the child here, the child who will grow up knowing that they only have half of their biological heritage known to them, hence why the law needed to be changed recently because of the feelings of the children of donations.

@Comedycook

She carried two children for that couple and describes it as the most rewarding thing she ever did

It's only women who have been socialised to such an extent that the best thing they think they've done is for the benefit of someone else with a huge risk to their own health.

Oh stop. My friend is a beautiful, intelligent woman with complete agency. And as I mentioned, in the medical profession. She made a free choice. Not one I would make, but to not respect her in that is plain wrong.

And what about the children?

People seem to only think about the need to have a baby when actually that baby will grow into a child, and then an adult in their own right. Does no-one ever actually consider the impact on that child/adult? The attachment disorders they are probably inflicting it with? There is a lot of evidence that the children of adoption suffer attachment disorder when removed from their birth parent. In essence, a surrogate child is no different to an adopted one, in that to that child, the person giving birth to it is the parent.

I don’t respect that choice no. It shouldn’t be allowed. How far do you push other people (the surrogate and actually your baby who will be intentionally removed from its mother) to get what you want.

In essence, a surrogate child is no different to an adopted one

I would be fascinated to hear research bearing that equivalency out.

There isn't any.

A pp mentioned babies stuck waiting for collection because of covid.
In fact there are several (nobody knows how many, it's not exactly being advertised) babies that are about a year old still waiting....

This woman had a surrogate baby for a Chinese couple, but she didn't want to risk bonding with it and also it needed to be cared for by a Chinese speaker, so that is in care with a Chinese speaking nanny awaiting collection. Meanwhile she is caring for this one year old, still awaiting collection by the Scottish commissioning parents.
There was another woman in the news also caring for a year old she had given birth to. So that is three, documented that I know of.

Year old babies that will be collected when the commissioning parents finally rock up to collect. No oversight of social services or anything.

Good luck to those parents and the sleepless nights of a screaming baby that wants the person it perceives to be its mother.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9698243/Nanny-raising-UK-couples-surrogate-son-10-months-COVID-19.html

And look there is mission creep. More and more are celebrities doing it. Wealthy normal women will start to do this too. The end result is sinister which is why it should be totally banned.

Babies learn their mother’s voice in utero
As well. So our babies can recognize our voices when born too.

I think they also recognise smell (isnt a mum advised to put a top/item of clothing in a newborn's cot for reassurance because it smells of them?)
A PP mentioned a lot of surrogate babies that are now several months old and have yet to meet their intended families because of covid travel restrictions. I think that would be incredibly traumatic (for both parties, especially if the birth mother is still with the baby)

Here is the other one that had been in the news.

nypost.com/2021/03/24/surrogate-caring-for-baby-year-later-due-to-covid-travel-rules/

I think surrogacy is exploitative.
We should address why as a society we are happy to allow such huge extremes of wealth and poverty.

Cross posted @FannyCann

Being unable to have a child when you want one so much must be absolutely unbearable, I completely get that.

But in 'celeb' cases, it's the glibness I find so sickening.

In Made in Chelsea, Ollie Locke and his husband are a literal storyline, talking about how 'next year we'll be parents', and getting a nursery ready before even 'falling pregnant'

They epitomise the commerciality of it.
There is no mention of the pregnant mother other than as a host. The physical,
emotional and permanent impact on her doesn't get airtime at all - it's just product shopping at another level.

I remember after I had DD2 the wonderful midwife placed her on my tummy and told me to watch what would happen. She little by little "crawled" her way up to my chest and latched on to feed. I was amazed at the time. I asked how she knew and the midwife said scent was a huge part of it as she's so familiar with my scent. Ever since that I've never seen surrogacy the same. No one ever talks about how it's not in best interests of the commodity - the child - but luckily more people are recognizing how it's exploitative of women.

I remember after I had DD2 the wonderful midwife placed her on my tummy and told me to watch what would happen. She little by little "crawled" her way up to my chest and latched on to feed. I was amazed at the time.

I took DD2 to a uni open day (just before coronavirus) to look at midwifery. We had a trial lecture and they showed a video of that. It was beautiful.

I couldn't resist asking what the point was if these men that strip off to join in with the skin to skin and she said None.

(Though I concede if the mother is not available having treatment in theatre etc there may be a case just for body warmth to comfort the baby until the mother is available).