To think I won't need to plan our lives around naps?

[AnUnoriginalUsername]

We have a 7 week old baby. Just saw another thread and though "shit, nap schedules!"
Does everybody have set times and places for naps? Is it really important?
DS currently sleeps mostly on me but also in his rocking chair and sometimes in his cot. We cosleep.

Am I being insane to think he can just nap when he's tired wherever we are?

When DS was very small it wasn't an issue at all, he would sleep in his pram no bother, now that he's 19 months he's much too interested in what's going on and rarely has a pram nap. He's down to one nap a day though so it's easier to make sure I'm somewhere he'll nap without disrupting the whole day.

I think allot of the posters saying “If a baby is tired they will sleep” haven’t had a baby like mine!

If my LO is overtired they will scream and fight the nap, making everyone miserable. They may sleep in a moving car/pram, but it’s not proper sleep and they wake easily.

It really depends so much on your baby, as a baby I slept anywhere but I was generally an easy baby (I have been told). Our LO is the complete opposite, highly sensitive and easily stressed. Everyone is happier if we aim to work around LO nap.

Before the age of 6 months they were more flexible, sadly that didn’t last. You have to work with the baby you have.

First baby DS slept anywhere between 2-4: in the car, in the Pram, on the floor (I could go clothes shopping during his nap) and if he was asleep when we got home, I could lift him into his cot.

DD who had no option but to fit into his routine would only sleep in the cot. She would not drop off in the car or in the buggy. Consequently she had far less nap time than DS and was a more grumbly baby.

Conversely DD would go to sleep at 7ish as a small baby and sleep until 11 (and then have 2 night wakes after that). Whereas DS who always napped was never ready to sleep until 10 .

We were all up by 6/6.30.

No, just get on with your life. The easiest situation is that they sleep wherever you happen to be whenever they are tired.

The only people I know who had really rigid schedules became completely stressed and obsessed with them. One of our closest friends is so strict about routine that they literally cannot leave their house to socialise because their (now) toddler will nap at the wrong time. Baby is 18 months now and they barely see any friends because a drive in the car or a long walk after lunch means she'll fall asleep and it's not according to the schedule, so they just stay home and see no one pretty much. It's really sad.

You'll find what works for you, but I think if you can get into them being flexible and sleeping as and when that will make life so much easier.

DS naps in his cot because I need the break. He always has. I’d much prefer to sit down with a quiet lunch, cuppa, watch some tv in peace than I ever would have a day out and not get any sort of break all day.

He will nap in his pushchair (he does at nursery too) or the car if needed and obviously on holiday we’re flexible but generally his routine is for me/us not him.

Also the older they get the more their daytime sleep affects their night time sleep and I want him in bed for 7 so that I can have downtime with DH and ensure that DS is well rested for the following day. So that means a daytime nap at a set time.

DS is 2 and I’ve always felt well rested and sane.

So yes, it depends on you and your baby and not everyone is the same!

One of mine wanted to be home, in a cot, in a dark bedroom. That was fiddly for a year or so. The others slept in me, in Pram’s, in the car, wherever.

We never did.... I had 3 kids 2 years apart so had to get places !!!

100% unnecessary. Some parents do and make their lives unnecessarily difficult! Babies can sleep in a pram!

@hawkehurstgang

100% unnecessary. Some parents do and make their lives unnecessarily difficult! Babies can sleep in a pram!

I enjoy this attitude but it's borne of ignorance. Some babies will not sleep in a pram. I've had one of each- one typical one that slept in prams, cars etc, could be put down, 'awake but drowsy'- all that jazz; and one that was extremely high needs and would not sleep anywhere that wasn't dark unless she was physically on me (and even then it sometimes had to be dark). If all I'd had was typical babies, I'd probably scoff that babies will sleep in prams and it's all totally unnecessary faffing by overly precious parents too.

Trust me, it isn't.

You really dont get the choice after pfb.

You need to be and go places and can't spend 2hours home in the middle of the day.

We’ve always kept a really strict nap schedule, and it works for us. His naps during the day (when he’s home) are timed to the minute, he is ready for them and asleep within a minute tops. Every sleep is in his cot in his room. We tried visiting family over nap time recently and he wouldn’t sleep in his travel cot so ended up sleeping on me (while I was awake) which was lovely, and the first time he’s slept on us for a year! He’s eighteen months.

There’s still plenty of time to do things in the morning and afternoon but it does limit day trips. I dare say we’ll get more adventurous now things are back open again as it’s not a disaster if he misses a nap or doesn’t have as lengthy a nap as he does at home, but for the most part we have a really firm routine and it works great.

Everyone is different but imo babies and toddlers thrive on routine and need good quality sleep so if it came down to it I’d prioritise his sleep over most other routine things. They won’t be tiny and napping forever I guess!

Only got into the routine at six months, before then it was mostly a free for all. Having all of his sleeps in his own space was really important to us so we got downtime too to go for a rest or a nap or just do whatever, contact napping (with an awake parent) was nice occasionally when he was tiny but I can’t think of anything worse than having every nap be a contact nap, I have friends with toddlers who really struggle as they won’t sleep anywhere else but on mum (only mum, never dad).

I think covid has made a difference too.

Precovid we were out several times a week seeing friends/other mums/going to parks etc. I read advice early on on mn not to get tied into a strict nap schedule and for us that was really important. As time went on there were several mums who didn't really go out or who couldn't meet up easily.

It really is whatever works for you. In covid I've welcomed some routine and obviously there's been less opportjnity to meet up.

Also if you only meet up with local friends whose routines dont clash then it will be fine. (If a friends strict routine clashes it will be hard!)

A strict routine isn't at all necessary and would have been damaging for us - but if it suits you then is conpletely fine!

We never did set nap times. Baby slept when she was tired. Now she is older, again, naps if she needs it but no set time just roughly in the afternoon. She does have a set bedtime but its within an hour window and if she is particularly tired she goes earlier and if not at all, a bit later. I am not a fan of strict structure provided she gets enough sleep because realistically as an adult, and if she is like her parents, she will sleep naturally when tired and won't appreciate forced sleep

I never planned my life around naps until now dd is 2.5 and if we miss her nap she’s an awful nighttime sleeper so I often plan around nap time now

@GiantToadstool

I think covid has made a difference too.

Precovid we were out several times a week seeing friends/other mums/going to parks etc. I read advice early on on mn not to get tied into a strict nap schedule and for us that was really important. As time went on there were several mums who didn't really go out or who couldn't meet up easily.

It really is whatever works for you. In covid I've welcomed some routine and obviously there's been less opportjnity to meet up.

Also if you only meet up with local friends whose routines dont clash then it will be fine. (If a friends strict routine clashes it will be hard!)

A strict routine isn't at all necessary and would have been damaging for us - but if it suits you then is conpletely fine!

COVID was brilliant for us and sleep as it emptied our schedule and meant we could spend a few days/weeks focused on improving his sleep rather than fitting it in around life!

Interesting you saw that advice on MN, I often see advice to get them into a routine (and if asked I would say the same, at an age appropriate time, not as a tiny baby), but I’ve never seen people advise to avoid a strict nap schedule. Like you say, it really depends on your lifestyle whether one is better than another :)

Lots on here advising flexibility- even this thread!

I absolutely see how covid can be both a bless and a curse for new mums.

I did find mn invaluable to with a small baby. Gave me confidence not to succumb to Gina Ford as the only way when it wouldn't work for us. Mn is so diverse there is support for every type of parenting style (includingthose for whom gina ford is what works for them). If people want a routine start a thread with routine advice and you will get a lot of it.

If op wants to avoid it (as per op) there will be lots of advice here too.

MN really is amazing at supporting mums whatever their choices 🥰.

We have a 10 month and have fixed times for naps - 9am (short) and 1pm (longer). However, we’re flexible about where she naps and she seems to sleep anywhere, so no issues.

When you have more than one child, you don't have the privilege of your baby's naps dictating what the entire family does. You just get on with it.

That was always my plan but hasn’t worked out that way unfortunately. I think for some it’s fine and DS was fine like that until he was about 5-6 months then only napped in his cot.
Now if we miss a nap or have a danger nap there is HELL to pay that night and I like my sleep too much to willingly choose a broken night so unless we have inflexible plans, the nap schedule is adhered to!

However I should point out that although this is brilliant for us sleep wise, it does make it a pain when we want to be able to go out for the day as he will not nap anywhere else!

I’d also say this could be a bit of a classic Myers Briggs J versus P. If you’re naturally a planner and likes things to the clock, you’ll probably like a routine with children. If you’re naturally someone who likes to be spontaneous and go with the flow, you’ll be more likely to be like that with your parenting. I suspect all of this is only an issue if you’re trying to do something with your children that goes against natural preferences. Eg I am not a ‘go with the flow’ sort of person so routines make me happier.

a danger nap

Sounds interesting - nap on the edge of the top step? In the oven? In the dog's bed?

@ElephantOfRisk I mean, given DS’s danger radar, IF he napped anywhere outside of the cot it would probably be somewhere like that

When i caught mine drinking out a puddle "benin' a tat" (being a cat) I gave up everything. He was clearly indestructible. You'll also question sterilising things when you catch them chewing on a shoe..