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Original poster

To be so upset over birthday?

26 replies

Everysingletime11 · 01/07/2021 19:56

Hi all,
NC for this one Incase it’s outing.

I arranged with friends to go for drinks tomorrow. Arranged a few weeks back and all said they were free so confirmed the date.

I had a few messages last night from people that they couldn’t make it - various reasons/excuses.

Another friend I was meant to drop a dress to today as I was lending her something to wear. I was in the area at the time she specified and I haven’t had a reply literally all day.

So now I feel she’s ghosting because she doesn’t want to say she isn’t coming. Only one friend is currently still up for going and it’s the friend I see a few times a week so although I enjoy their company, it won’t be anything special.

This happens every year when I try to arrange anything that’s remotely centred around me without sounding conceited. I’m always the one who arranges other peoples events or surprises and I have to organise my own birthday and no one will even show up.

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 01/07/2021 19:59

That is terrible but if only one thing comes out of this is you now know who to bother arranging things for and who you don’t.

Try not to let them ruin your evening. Have fun with your friend. 🥂

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 01/07/2021 20:00

Do they all know it's your birthday? If so that's pretty crap of them & i'd definitely be taking a step back from organizing parties / get togethers for their birthdays
I hope you have a nice time with your friend who is making the effort. Perhaps message the others to say you're sorry not to see them to celebrate your birthday..

GNCQ · 01/07/2021 20:00

That sounds pretty rubbish. They've really let you down.
I just wouldn't bother with them anymore.

MyHusbandTheIdiot · 01/07/2021 20:02

No solution but I absolutely hear you. I gave up celebrating my birthday for about 10 years after the last time I tried turned in to an absolute bust (significant birthday too) - my DH, bless him, tried again last year as a surprise but got so stressed about people dropping out (at his significant expense I might add) that he ended up telling me - I made him cancel the whole thing as it was only going one way and I couldn’t bear the heartbreak yet again. Thankfully this meant he got his money back. I don’t know what it is as I would consider these people otherwise good friends who have been there for me, but no one appears to give enough of a sh*t to actually do something nice for my birthday! It’s not even reciprocal - I frequently do things for other friends’ birthdays!!

ThursdayWeld · 01/07/2021 20:02

Do they know it's your birthday? Why are you lending your friend something to wear?

Original poster
Everysingletime11 · 01/07/2021 20:03

Yes they all know it’s my birthday.

Honestly I’m not a pushover, I have definitely cut contact with people who have let me down in the past. But it happens all the time. I message people first, never the other way around. I’m always the one treating others. I just don’t understand why she didn’t answer the phone I was literally in her area waiting. I paid money I don’t really have spare to get there to make sure she didn’t feel stressed about borrowing something the day of

OP posts:
ThursdayWeld · 01/07/2021 20:05

That sounds rubbish for you OP Flowers

Have a nice evening with your other friend, who obviously values you.

FourTurnings · 01/07/2021 20:08

I think you need some new friends, really.

Notaroadrunner · 01/07/2021 20:09

They clearly don't care enough about you to even turn up for your birthday so let that be the end of organising their birthday drinks. You say it happens all the time - why on earth do you continue allowing this? Stop initiating meet ups and fgs stop treating them. Stick with the friend who actually does meet up with you - even if you have already seen her a few times this week. At least she cares enough to meet you again.

SingingInTheShithouse · 01/07/2021 20:10

That's absolutely awful. Shoddy behaviour on their part

Enjoy your night with your real friend & make it extra special food & drink to make up for it

& never, ever organise anything for any of the no shows ever again. They do not deserve you Thanks

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 01/07/2021 20:10

They're watching the game ⚽️

ThursdayWeld · 01/07/2021 20:11

@AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit

They're watching the game ⚽️
Tomorrow? I don't even know who's playing tomorrow!
Garraty47 · 01/07/2021 20:13

Are they Belgian or Italian?

Thisisthewaywego · 01/07/2021 20:17

That’s awful behaviour from them and not the actions of true friends. Stop initiating contact and treats for them and find some new friends.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 01/07/2021 20:17

Oh shit sorry I'm thinking of Saturday 🙈

willstarttomorrow · 01/07/2021 20:20

OP it is rubbish. I am not making excuses for your friends because they have caused you so much hurt without having any insight into their behaviour. However loads of adults do not treat other adults birthday with any significance following late teens/early 20s. Life just changes. Whilst it feels that the whole world (due to social media etc) get spoiled and meet up for special days, most people just move on to dealing with being a home owner/job/parent etc. Unless you have a very close knit friendship group in which is normal to get together and plan special things, it just does not really happen. You say that you always plan for everyone else so this is particularly hurtful. Maybe take a bit of a step back and see what happens if you do not instigate the fuss. It maybe that no one is really bothered anyway and all are happy to leave it.

GlassOnTheLawn · 01/07/2021 20:20

They don’t sound like close friends. If they make the effort to organise events for each other but not you, why are you still trying to be friends with them? It sounds like they’re a tight social circle and don’t want to let anyone else in, so I’d leave them be and stop making an effort for them.

Re the dress, maybe she didn’t want to come at all so used the ‘nothing to wear’ excuse. It does sound a bit pushy to insist on lending someone a dress to attend your event, unless she asked to borrow it.

Or could be Covid, lots of people aren’t comfortable going out for drinks yet. Plus it’s mid week so won’t many have work and school/nursery runs tomorrow, and kids to bath and get to bed tonight?

I find adult birthday celebrations a bit awkward unless it’s an invitation to a party or meal. Unless you’re close friends it’s a hassle to go shopping for a gift and dress up and take a taxi to and fro.

Bridezillamaybe · 01/07/2021 20:21

This is totally rubbish OP. It happened to me one year and turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me as I started living my life just for me from then on. I would make no effort with them now. Go out with your real friend and please don't put less value on the meeting with her because you see her all the time.

Original poster
Everysingletime11 · 01/07/2021 20:31

We’re all mid 20s who go drinking as a way of socialising. None of have kids and all have tomorrow evening off and the rest of the weekend.

One of the friends who cancelled told me I should organise something when I wasn’t supposed to and another asked me last night to borrow a dress. That’s why none of it makes much sense.

OP posts:
Itgetsthehoseagain · 01/07/2021 20:43

OP, I think this is what people are like. Don't ever expect anything more. It's not you - it's people! You will always come second to what they want to do. Have a lovely birthday - maybe cancel on that last friend and have a long bath, a pizza, and a film Flowers

Onesailwait · 01/07/2021 20:44

Yeah that's shitty..I'm sorry. I hope you have a lovely birthday dinner/drinks with the friend that is coming. Focus in her not the ones who have bailed. Everyone bailed on my friend a few years back. I went out of my way to try &.make it special for her(including leaving my 6wk old breastfed baby). Went to a great restaurant, cocktail bar, thoughtful gifts she spent the whole night going on about the people who didn't show. I won't bother again

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 01/07/2021 21:02

maybe cancel on that last friend and have a long bath, a pizza, and a film

Don't cancel on that one friend that makes you as bad as them!

Waspsarearseholes · 01/07/2021 21:27

That's horrible of your friends but it does come across as you valuing the company of these other 'friends' over the one friend who is showing some loyalty to you. You're not bothered about going out with just her because it won't be as special. Why do you need these other merryweather friends there to make it feel special? I feel a bit sorry for the friend who has stuck by you to be honest.

gumball37 · 01/07/2021 21:37

Just stop. They obviously aren't as invested so why keep getting hurt?

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 01/07/2021 23:19

Honestly op
I’d stop wasting time on the others
Your true friend here is the one who hasn’t cancelled and you see more frequently
Change the plans
Make it into something special for the two do you and appreciate that having one really good friend is more than enough , and much better than several fake friends
I hope you have a lovely birthday

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