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AIBU?

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Original poster

Money money

41 replies

Tomuch · 01/07/2021 19:45

Ds is 14. He gets 5.00 a week. I know this is not much. Some times money can be bad sometimes good. But 5.00 is an amount I always know I will have . At the moment I have things to pay out for and a couple of birthdays coming up. I have other children as well. Anyway ds14 broke his phone twice in a month each time it's cost me 45.00 to get fixed. Which I paid today for the 2nd time. So he still thinks he should get his 5.00 pounds. So that would have been 100 he's had in a month. I know its only 5.00 but I feel that he should not be asking for it since I spent money fixing his phone. I explained this to him. But he keeps saying but you said I can have 5.00 every Thursday. It's making me feel guilty.

OP posts:
colincarrot · 01/07/2021 19:47

How did he break the phone? I don't think you are being unreasonable

Feather12 · 01/07/2021 19:48

Can he do chores for extra money? I agree that you should not have to keep paying out for his phone. Could he get a job?

Babyroobs · 01/07/2021 19:49

Difficult one really as breaking his phone twice in a month sounds irresponsible but honestly him only getting £5 a week at 14 years old is not enough. can you give him his share of the child benefit or something so he can learn to budget properly ?

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 01/07/2021 19:52

I think YANBU, he's old enough to know the value of money. Maybe taking his pocket money to pay for his phone may teach him to be a bit more careful. Once, yes it is an accident, twice in a month sounds careless

Original poster
Tomuch · 01/07/2021 19:54

@Babyroobs

Difficult one really as breaking his phone twice in a month sounds irresponsible but honestly him only getting £5 a week at 14 years old is not enough. can you give him his share of the child benefit or something so he can learn to budget properly ?
Sorry I should have probably said . His 5.00 is to spend on any crap he chooses. He often buys games for his playstation that are on sale or he just gets sweets /drinks . But he does get extra money if he's going out such as cinema/bowling/trampoline. Or on a day out with friends.
OP posts:
Lemonmelonsun · 01/07/2021 19:56

Tricky op...

Can you actually show him your budget and money?

Maybe explain it to make more of sense what's behind the no..

Re birthdays, can you not start to save a tiny bit towards these expenses so when they come they don't interrupt your money flow too much?.

Years ago I saved 8 a month to bday and xmas and added more when I sold the things or had a little more to add?

Maybe he needs to wait to save up for his phones to be fixed.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/07/2021 19:56

Babyroobs

What do you mean not enough? If it's what she can afford, it's what he can have. A 14 year old isnt entitled to money. If he wants some he can ask for it from relatives at birthdays, sell old toys, or get a paper round.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/07/2021 19:57

My parents would have fixed my phone once but not twice. The second time he should be paying out of his own money.

Imapotato · 01/07/2021 19:57

When dd2 broke her phone just mucking about I made her pay from her pocket money. Seems fair to me so long as it wasn’t by someone else other than your ds.

HermioneWeasley · 01/07/2021 19:58

£5 a week is plenty, especially if he’s getting extra money for cinema trips etc.

He should pay for repairs to his phone. So he still owes you £40.

Imapotato · 01/07/2021 19:58

Just to add, dd2 has form for breaking phone and this was not the first time! So I thought I was justified in making her pay for it to be fixed.

KingdomScrolls · 01/07/2021 19:59

Maybe don't give him extra money for trips out with friends increase his monthly budget but he covers his socialising, that will help him understand budgeting a bit more, also next time he breaks a phone he gets a £10 rubbish one from Tesco , he's not seeing consequences financial or otherwise to his carelessness

Babyroobs · 01/07/2021 19:59

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Babyroobs

What do you mean not enough? If it's what she can afford, it's what he can have. A 14 year old isnt entitled to money. If he wants some he can ask for it from relatives at birthdays, sell old toys, or get a paper round.

Op has only later come on to say he gets extra for cinema , trips out etc.
Lotsachocolateplease · 01/07/2021 20:02

My ds14 does a paper round and will do a few chores around the house for extra cash.
I give him money when he goes out with friends for lunch/drinks/cinema tickets etc.

Does your ds do any chores for his £5?

You need to stick to your decision not to give it to him this week as like you said you’ve paid out twice for his phone to be fixed. How else will he learn to budget? And to look after his things?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/07/2021 20:11

Babyroobs

I know but I stand by there being no minimum amount which a 14 year old "needs".

Original poster
Tomuch · 01/07/2021 20:12

@Lotsachocolateplease

My ds14 does a paper round and will do a few chores around the house for extra cash. I give him money when he goes out with friends for lunch/drinks/cinema tickets etc.

Does your ds do any chores for his £5?

You need to stick to your decision not to give it to him this week as like you said you’ve paid out twice for his phone to be fixed. How else will he learn to budget? And to look after his things?

For 5.00 he just has to keep his room tidy . I did used to give him money to do jobs round the house. But he became kind of rude /demanding. Like he won't help me out or do a favour for me. If I said could you just put theses plates in the dish washer for me ? Him: how much will I get ? Or him : you know I cleaned the kitchen the other day without you even asking. Can I get money for doing that? His tone and how he asked was like he was bemanding it. And I wanted him to understand that he can't expect to be paid for everything. And that he should do some things to be kind. Or just the fact that he lives here to and also uses the things he's tidying .
OP posts:
Mymapuddlington · 01/07/2021 20:15

I would tell him that he can look for a paper round or Saturday job if he wants money to repair his phone as it’s his responsibility. Tell him he can have his fiver but since he owes you £90 maybe he should work towards clearing his debt.

quizqueen · 01/07/2021 20:23

If a son of mine broke his phone twice in a month and it cost £100 to repair then he wouldn't be getting any pocket money for 20 weeks to cover that cost and there would be an expectation that certain chores around the house are to be shared by virtue of living in the house, not to be paid to do. It sounds like you have brought up an ungrateful child and that's on you. Too late to start complaining when he's 14, discipline enforcing good manners and attitude starts when children are little.

Original poster
Tomuch · 01/07/2021 20:30

@quizqueen

If a son of mine broke his phone twice in a month and it cost £100 to repair then he wouldn't be getting any pocket money for 20 weeks to cover that cost and there would be an expectation that certain chores around the house are to be shared by virtue of living in the house, not to be paid to do. It sounds like you have brought up an ungrateful child and that's on you. Too late to start complaining when he's 14, discipline enforcing good manners and attitude starts when children are little.
It's not to do with how he's berm bought up . My other children are nothing like it. But I do think he's a teenager trying it on and yes he is ungrateful. But that does not mean I made him. That way.
OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 01/07/2021 20:31

@Babyroobs

Difficult one really as breaking his phone twice in a month sounds irresponsible but honestly him only getting £5 a week at 14 years old is not enough. can you give him his share of the child benefit or something so he can learn to budget properly ?
Why isn’t it enough? Who decides what’s enough? What if the OP hasn’t got £5 to spare each week? Not everyone has money coming out of their ears.
Soontobe60 · 01/07/2021 20:34

@Tomuch

I agree - many teens are awful at times, so much so that it’s as if an alien has taken them over!
I would tell your son that as he broke his phone twice, you will not be giving him spends until he has ‘paid off’ half the cost. I would also make it clear that if the phone is broken again you will not be having it repaired at your expense.
I’m assuming you also pay his phone bill?

mrsm43s · 01/07/2021 20:38

I think you have this back to front.
I agree he should get his pocket money. I don't think you should have paid to fix his phone though, certainly not twice.
Personally I'd give him one reasonable amount (say £50/month), and I'd expect that to cover general spends, cinemas trips et c plus phone re pairs.

Mintjulia · 01/07/2021 20:42

Personally I'd pay for the first repair but not the second. I'd cut the cinema trips until the £45 is recouped. I'd put it on the chalk board in the kitchen & mark it down gradually so he could see the progress.

14 is old enough to understand budgeting & take responsibility for his own mistakes. And I wouldn't feel guilty

Original poster
Tomuch · 01/07/2021 20:43

@mrsm43s

I think you have this back to front. I agree he should get his pocket money. I don't think you should have paid to fix his phone though, certainly not twice. Personally I'd give him one reasonable amount (say £50/month), and I'd expect that to cover general spends, cinemas trips et c plus phone re pairs.
I can't afford 50.00 a month. That would also mean doing the same for the others. As well.
OP posts:
suspiria777 · 01/07/2021 20:45

How did he break it twice? I've never broken a phone... and if I had done it once I'd be more careful afterwards -- not break it again a few days later.