AIBU to think that if you don’t share kids/money/accommodation, he’s your boyfriend, not your DP?

[Rainallnight]

I don’t mean you have to share all of those things. But I’m baffled by the threads on here that start with ‘My DP…’ and then it transpires it’s a boyfriend who lives elsewhere, who they see once a week.

AIBU to think that’s not a partner?

I’m amazed by the number of men who contribute nothing other than money who are still described as partners

Well, that’s true too.

I think it’s fine for other people to define their own relationships.

Doesn’t “boyfriend” just sound odd after a long time though? My sister is never intending to move in with her man, can’t have kids, does she just have to call her other half her boyfriend till she’s 80?

I think that other people can define their relationships as they choose.

Partner used to imply “life partner” but sometimes on here it just means “sex partner” as in “I’ve been with my partner 5 weeks and bla bla bla”

I've always thought boyfriend and girlfriend were a bit infantalising. Partner makes more sense for mature adults (25+? 30+?)

I think boyfriend and partner equate to the same thing. I dont understand why there has to be some hierarchical division based on how intertwined your lives are.

Why do you care? Partner sounds less like you're teenagers

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I think boyfriend and partner equate to the same thing. I dont understand why there has to be some hierarchical division based on how intertwined your lives are.

Same

I get what you're saying OP and there is definitely a word missing in our vocab. Boyfriend is fine when you're under 25. Partner should describe someone you're committed to, in a long term relationship with, potentially have kids with, but aren't married to.

But if you're 40 odd, have just met someone or in the very early stages of a relationship, the person isn't your "partner" neither is he your "boyfriend". So what is he?

I didn't even live with my DH until we had been married for three years. We still don't share children or money. Which box would you like to put us into, OP? And why do you care?

Me and my friend had this discussion a while back when we were very drunk.

She doesn't live with her partner/boyfriend/other half etc, nor do they have children or share money.

She doesn't feel like the term 'partner' is accurate because they don't really have a partnership in anything.

But, at the same time, she can't bring herself refer to her grown adult other half as a 'boyfriend', namely because he's not a boy.

So we settled on referring to him as her 'fancy man'.

I'm baffled why you think it's any of your business what other people do.

@Gladiolys

I think it’s fine for other people to define their own relationships.

this. Who makes you the arbiter or what consists of a partner? Why does how other people describe their relationship affect you in any way?

Why is someone who works on an oil rig or in the army, so is away for months at a time, but when they are around is fully engaged, helps you with everything and enriches your life not a 'partner' but someone who happens to live in the same house as you but does not help with children/cleaning/finances and who only makes you miserable is?

Does your issue with this apply only to boyfriends btw or are gay women who live apart allowed to call themselves partners?

I don't live with my partner or share finances and so on, but we've been together a year or so. I'm over 50, and he's in his 60s. I cannot bring myself to call him my 'boyfriend', that sounds like I am 16 again.

I share quite a bit with mine and still have to call him my boyfriend. Partner gives me a bit of a shudder (I have no idea why). I've tried it out in quite a few settings and while it does seem to elicit more serious/ deep follow up conversation topics, it just doesn't sit right with me.

I don't get why it bothers you. Focus on your own relationship not other people.

I think people feel daft using boyfriend or girlfriend past a certain age.

I think boyfriend sounds a bit daft past a certain age.
If someone posts about their DP on here I assume committed, exclusive relationship. But not beyond tha.

The most daft interpretations of this are: Been with my partner for 5 mths now, we met OLD at start of lockdown, i have never met him, no idea what he actually looks like or who he really is. We have been sexting and exchanging images since our 2nd virtual date, but only during the day as he is married he has a very important job and travels a lot for work. I have now suggested we meet in person, at the Wimpy in town , next Tues for a root beer, he has gaslighted me. Am i rushing things/pushing him away? Would you expect more from your partner of 5 months??

I think it’s up to the couple how they define their relationship. In honesty, there are probably some couples who live separately who have more stable and long lasting relationships than others who enmesh their lives and have kids together straight away

I asked this on a thread a couple of years ago, when I'd been with the 'other half' for six years, average age 55.

I liked the suggestion of 'gentleman caller' And 'squeeze'.

I used partner pretty early on as I felt silly saying "boyfriend" in my late 20s. It's not that deep haha.

I'm 43 not 15. I can't see a time when I'll ever live with a man again, certainly not while my dc are so young. If I ever get into a long term relationship again I won't be falling him my boyfriend . Not sure why people get offended by that !

Gentlemen caller makes me think of a shag buddy 🤣