Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU If I split from my partner who works 7 days a week

55 replies

Itsmeagainandagain · 30/06/2021 21:00

I work full time my partner works 7 days a week, contributes little to nothing to the household and wants me to do things like cut his hair, make dinners when I'm just finished work. I do all the housework, I cut the grass, look after our kids, I'm absolutely exhausted. I'm up at half 4 in the morning not getting to bed until late.
Im sick of it, he doesn't listen and I'm very unhappy with it all.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Naunet · 30/06/2021 21:49

My god OP, this useless waste of skin is a anchor around your neck. Please, please leave him, you deserve so much better.

ICECream821 · 30/06/2021 21:52

You have your children and you have you - are you married? Do you own your house/rent?

PurpleyBlue · 30/06/2021 21:52

If you're paying everything can you find somewhere new to rent then let him know you're out of there?

Youdoyoutoday · 30/06/2021 22:02

OK, so he's violent, tight and useless.
Then yes, leave

OrrisRoot · 30/06/2021 22:07

So is the house not in your name? Are you stuck in that sense?

nimbuscloud · 30/06/2021 22:10

Have you children with him?
Can you leave?

MissChanandlerBong90 · 30/06/2021 22:11

So he’s abusive and living off your money as well as off your exhaustion?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 30/06/2021 22:11

You have a job. Start building up your credit so you can get a place to live.

Quartz2208 · 30/06/2021 22:13

Why do you need to leave if you are paying everything

get him to leave

Nancydrawn · 30/06/2021 22:15

It sounds like you have a good, clear head about financial matters and have managed to be debt free despite his lack of help.

I imagine you'd probably be better off, financially, with a single person discount on council tax and with child maintenance (as well as any benefits you might be entitled to).

Please be careful if you do decide to go; he doesn't sound very stable.

Muchasgracias · 30/06/2021 22:56

A partner is defined as a pair who are engaged in the same activity.

This is not the case.

Your title should read AIBU if I leave my job as skivvy to this man….

And the answer is NO, YANBU

RubyGoat · 30/06/2021 23:00

Whose name is on the rent/mortgage?

Cherrysoup · 30/06/2021 23:22

Do you rent or own?

tallduckandhandsome · 01/07/2021 00:06

Leave the twat.

888central · 01/07/2021 01:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

gobackanddoitproperly · 01/07/2021 02:28

But if you pay the rent you stay, surely? He goes?

Original poster
Itsmeagainandagain · 01/07/2021 10:31

@gobackanddoitproperly

But if you pay the rent you stay, surely? He goes?
I tried that approach before he threatened to kill himself. Then went to the doctors and got anti depressants all because I went on a night out with a friend. It sounds crazy but that's the sort of shit I've put up with for years. I know it's abusive and even writing it down I see it's abuse, I genuinely have nowhere else to go, the home is in my name, if I kick him out he will make my life what is already hell even worse. I'm stuck and have no clue what to do
OP posts:
JustHavinABreak · 01/07/2021 10:37

This is horrific. I HATE it when someone plays the "I'm depressed and suicidal" card to bully someone else into doing something or not doing something. It does such a disservice to those who are genuinely suffering.

So you pay all the bills and the rent, you look after the kids alone, you do all the cooking and cleaning, and with the haircut his personal grooming too? You're in so deep that you can't see that he is a dangerous, selfish, abusive man. If this were your son or daughter, you'd advice them to run a mile. Instead, you're teaching them to accept that this is how a partnership works.

Put his stuff outside, change the locks and be ready to call the police if he's abusive from outside. Follow through. The rest of your happy life is waiting for you.

MatildaTheCat · 01/07/2021 10:40

What you need to do is contact Women’s Aid and repost in Relationships to get the support you need.

I hope you can find the strength to do this, he sounds utterly dreadful and you deserve so much more.

Any threats to kill himself just dial 999 and get emergency services involved. NB he won’t kill himself but IF he did that would be his choice not your fault.

Firevixen · 01/07/2021 10:47

If he threatens suicide when you ask him to leave then call 999. Your obligation ends there. Dont let him bully you any longer. You deserve so much more, go and get your life back!

Joanie1972 · 01/07/2021 10:52

Yes, contact Women's Aid for support and the Relationships board is great. Leaving a relationship can be a trigger for violence so be very careful.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 01/07/2021 11:04

Call the police, make an appointment with them and start a file. Explain you have be subjected to financial, physical and emotional abuse for years and you need help exiting the situation. Explain you pay for everything but he will not leave. They will help and support you and once the file is open you have clear trail of evidence so that support can continue. You have to be brave, but trust it will not be worse, it will be so much better. If nothing changes, then nothing changes....

MoreAloneTime · 01/07/2021 11:09

This is abuse and you need to seek help to get him out.

dopeyduck · 01/07/2021 11:58

It's your house. Call the police, report his abuse, he'll get arrested, change the locks, get a civil court order to prevent him from returning for 14 days, allow him to remove his belonging with police in attendance. Do not let him back in. Call police if he turns up. And repeat.

dopeyduck · 01/07/2021 11:59

@Firevixen

If he threatens suicide when you ask him to leave then call 999. Your obligation ends there. Dont let him bully you any longer. You deserve so much more, go and get your life back!
Also this