Parents bought DB house but keen to be fair

[Bananahana]

I’m torn. My DB and DSIL (who I absolutely adore) were in a situation, due to international living, that they couldn’t get a U.K. mortgage. Quite frankly we were all just chuffed they decided to come home. My folks offered to give cash to buy 80% of their house, brother paid 20%. House was cheap.

It’s now been 6 years. No sign of them getting their own mortgage and buying my parents out. My DM keeps saying transparency is key to all this but when I ask questions like: will they buy off you from 2021 or 2015 prices she has no idea. How will they account that DB/DSIL havepaid for loads of house improvements? again no idea.

I’m trying to explain to my mum that over this period I’ve paid 25k in interest on my mortgage. I don’t expect that in cash off her, no way! But she so emphatic about equality between me and my brother so I’m
highlighting to her how that works re mortgages.

I ask her (gently) what the Long term plan is and she has no idea. Right now, brother not paying any mortgage as house paid for in full cash, maybe they’d like a mortgage for pride, but that’s more £ each month when they don’t have loads. So Id have thought not.

Literally, AIBU to think my mum has not lived up to her equal approach? But should I even care?

This is a really tough one and I can see why you are annoyed. I can also see how your mum got into the situation she is in now - it would have felt like a choice at the time between helping her DS to come home, and not. She probably didn’t really think through the consequences properly (and possibly would still have chosen to help her DS to come home even if she did). Being generous to your DB, perhaps they fully intended to pay your parents back or take out a mortgage etc, but it is well known that we tend to live to our means, and their life is now set up function on their income without a mortgage and they just can’t see how to afford it.

I think you have to decide whether to sour familial relations or not. It’s a hard pill to swallow but if you can see that no one acted maliciously, then that might help. You say you love your DB and SIL - can you just think of this as the price you have to pay to have them home?

Following as we have a similar situation. The current plan is to look at the wills to reflect a necessary investment- much like the op
It’s a challenge

Have you people never heard of renting?

My parents did similar for my sister and I never saw my share .. just how it is sometimes ! 🤷‍♀️

It’s your mother’s money, it’s not really anything to do with you.

@lotsofdogshere

Following as we have a similar situation. The current plan is to look at the wills to reflect a necessary investment- much like the op It’s a challenge

The huge problem here is that there is absolutely no guarantee that there will be any money left to pass down in a will.

I’m not sure why you’d think your brother would take out mortgage at this point, if legally he owns the house outright now (presuming it’s in his name and not your parents’). The more obvious thing would be that he pays your parents back directly over the next ten or twenty years or whatever, in which case whether they charge him interest or not is up to them, but it wouldn’t be unreasonable of them not to. Do you mean that at the moment he’s not paying them back at all?

They own it together, him 20% them 80%. As such there’s no mortgage or payments to anyone.

You just have to leave it up to your mum. It's up to her if she wants your brother to pay it back or not.

You have no idea of your brother has looked into paying it back, or loans etc. He may not want to discuss his finances with you.

If she owns 80% surely that’s an investment on her part: so when the house sells she gets 80% return and hopefully the house would increase in value.

@NerrSnerr

I saw it as mum owns 80% rather than buying it for the son as son only owns 20%

I couldn't get myself bothered about this tbh. You are all grown adults and it's a bit toddler stampy feet to talk about fair and what you have paid in your mortgage interest. Why are you even asking questions about it?

Are they all aware that if your mother needs care home fees paid later that the local authority will put a charge in 80% of the house that your brother lives in?

She just needs to make sure it's in writing and in her will so if she does he will have to pay you your share or have less of the estate to compensate ..

Live your own life. If your mum wants to get repaid for x or y amount that's for her to sort out with them - no good can come of you getting involved.
When you signed the mortgage deal with the bank you were happy with it - nothing has changed. Your house is just as lovely as it ever was and you are doing great.

It’s your mums money she can spend it how she likes. It’s awful to start thinking about other peoples money even if you think they are not being fair. It’s her money, that’s it.

Is it not time your DB and DSIL purchase the other 80% of the house from your parents?

Surely as they already partly own the house they'd be an attractive prospect for the mortgage company?;if my parents had helped me like that I'd be making sure that as soon as I could I'd get their money back to them for their twilight years.

I had a conversation with my brother a few months ago when he pondered what would happen to my grandparents house when they passed (not in a grabby way) and I said I hope they release the equity in their house via one of those schemes and enjoy the money;they've both worked their arses off during their prime to buy their house so they should enjoy their hard earned money.

My siblings and their spouses and kids are all comfortably ensconced mortgage free because they asked my parents for huge financial contributions. I have no contact with any of them since this all came to light. It’s easier. Of course it’s unfair. I would never dream of treating my kids so differently. But I’ve given up caring. My parent inherited significantly down the generations.

Is it not time your DB and DSIL purchase the other 80% of the house from your parents?

That's between the people who own the house collectively to decide. It's none of the OP's business.

My mum have given both siblings money for housing over the years, I have no idea how much or if it's been paid back. Not my place to ask or know about it.

@NerrSnerr

Is it not time your DB and DSIL purchase the other 80% of the house from your parents?

That's between the people who own the house collectively to decide. It's none of the OP's business.

My mum have given both siblings money for housing over the years, I have no idea how much or if it's been paid back. Not my place to ask or know about it.

There’s no two ways about things like this IMO. Yes, it’s ‘none of the OP’s business’ but it’s OP’s mother banging on about fairness. Also when the time comes for parents to need care - will it also be ‘none of the OP’s business’? Since their money (and her feelings) isn’t her business presumably their welfare and their feelings isn’t hers either

it’s OP’s mother banging on about fairness.

Where

Also when the time comes for parents to need care - will it also be ‘none of the OP’s business’? Since their money (and her feelings) isn’t her business presumably their welfare and their feelings isn’t hers either

Do people really think like that? Only provide care and support if their parents have spent money on them equally to their siblings (or more?)

My mum's finances are none of my business. They will be if she ever loses mental capacity as she's given me POA. Right now it's fine (I know where I can get the info if I need to). Whether she's ever given me money makes no difference to the support I'll give her in the future.

@covidcloser in the OP ‘she’s so emphatic about fairness between me and my brother’