AIBU to think all these sayings are utter nonsense & do you believe them?

[ForeverAintEnough3]

You know the type.
‘What’s for you won’t pass you by’
‘Everything happens for a reason’
‘What goes around comes around’

Inspired by me getting more bad results in a fertility test and idiots telling me ‘everything happens for a reason’

Even if I do get pregnant and have a healthy baby I don’t see what the ‘reason’ was for me to go through 4 years of infertility hell only to parent my child with a severe panic disorder acquired as a result of said fertility treatment. Instead of just conceiving normally when my mental health was good.

I can’t see any reason why people dying tragically young happens. Or people losing their children.

I don’t see any evidence of horrible people getting their just desserts - most seem to be happy out.

I’ve two friends long term single who would love to meet someone. Is there no one out there for them then as apparently what’s for them won’t pass them by.

I can’t stand them! Does anyone else use them/also go crazy when people use them! Any more gems?

Some great ones here. I’d forgotten about you get out of life what you put in. Patently untrue.

@OurChristmasMiracle sorry to hear about your parents. Definitely no reason for that bar life being unfair.

I have learnt a valuable lesson throughout this whole infertility thing which is that sometimes things just are unfair. And it’s not my fault or anyone else’s fault. It’s ridiculous trying to attribute something else to it like a higher power making decisions.

I really dislike them too

I know someone who says all of them and recently her mum died very unexpectedly at a fairly young age and it made me wonder if she might now think twice before telling other people that things happen for a reason and what she thinks the reason is for the pain she's in now

"I know just how you feel"

No you bloody don't, you don't have the first idea.

I really hate "there's no smoke without fire"

Basically anyone can make up whatever rumours or lies about another person. Even when patently untrue or disproved the gossips and stupid people still trot out this saying.

Having been through divorce I particularly dislike

‘You need to work at a marriage’.

Thanks for that.

Trite platitudes like this are trotted out by the more unimaginative, dense and socially at-sea among us. Well meant? Probably. Considered and useful? Certainly not.

Let them roll over you and realise that the person is either not invested in your situation or is uncomfortable with it. Either way, it’s easier to leave them out of it in the future.

@FourTurnings total eye roll.

Glad I’m not the only one who hates them!!! Lots of ones I hadn’t remembered too. Most are actually just insulting to people when you think about them properly.

I always remember this from Terry Pratchett:

I had a lovely letter the other day from very religious lady concerned about my health. She said that I should consider my Alzheimer's a gift from God. Frankly, I would have preferred a sweater...

I never knew this ... “ Despite its pronunciation, just deserts, with one s, is the proper spelling for the phrase meaning "the punishment that one deserves." The phrase is even older than dessert, using an older noun version of desert meaning "deserved reward or punishment," which is spelled like the arid land, but pronounced like the sweet ...”

I always assumed it was a "look for the bright side" sort of thing more than a "there is definitely a higher purpose to your suffering" sort of thing.

I went through years of miscarriage and infertility and didn't end up with a child. It changed me, made me a different person. Perhaps more sad and realistic, but also more patient and understanding too.

I don't think that was a "reason" for what I went through, but I can see how it could be one small outcome which wasn't in itself a bad thing.

I hope you have wonderful news some days soon OP

I hate all of the above mentioned patronising tripe. I particularly hate it when parents of children with disabilities or SEN are told “God doesn’t give you more than you can cope with” I work with parents who are on their knees struggling to cope 😢

@Faevern

I hate all of the above mentioned patronising tripe. I particularly hate it when parents of children with disabilities or SEN are told “God doesn’t give you more than you can cope with” I work with parents who are on their knees struggling to cope 😢

That’s awful. Why not recognise they are doing an incredible job under extremely difficult circumstances.

God, that's an awful saying. So if something I want isn't happening for me, it's not for me?! that sounds like I should just give up all hope!

I think I always looked at it the other way round. Rather than I'm missing something because it's not for me, it's more that life has in store for me whatever it has in store for me. If that makes any sense?

I know these phrases can be annoying but I don't mind them. I take quite a fatalistic sort of view to life I think, so the phrases kind of tie in with that. Rather than thinking they don't make logical sense, I think I sort of see them as 'well, this is what life is, so you'd be as well getting on with it.' I agree though that it is usually better to just say 'im sorry, that's really shit for you. Life can be absolutely rubbish at times'

On that note - the pain of infertility is horrendous OP, it is totally shit and it's so random and yet so personal. It's shite.

@ForeverAintEnough3 I think people often use platitudes to avoid a conversation and actually listening. Recognising and acknowledging other people’s difficulties is a lot more respectful and helpful.

Someone said to me once ‘no one gets given more than they can handle’. Well no one would ever kill themselves then would they??!

I hate all those sayings - as PP says it’s usually people who haven’t had much go wrong in their lives that Troy them out. I actually find them really upsetting - like I deserve all the shit that’s happened to me?! Fuck off.

I fucking hate this shit. I’d love someone to explain to me the reason why, after being told I couldn’t have children, I had twins and both twins are disabled and suffer so much for no fucking reason.

The only thing I hate more is seeing posts like “my baby was so sick in NICU but we prayed and loved them so much that god saved them”. Especially after spending two months in nicu and seeing people praying endlessly for babies who did not survive. Or god cured my IBS or whatever. Because clearly they are so important and god cares more about their gut health than babies dying.

Every time I see it I have to go and watch Tim Minchin’s Thank You God to calm myself down (worth a watch if you’re not offended by a bit of blasphemy 😬

@LittleMissnotLittleMrs

You forgot “you win some, you lose some” and “what will be, will be” 🤮

These are true, though. Not particularly helpful, comforting or insightful, but true nonetheless.

Can I add - there is someone for everyone- and when you aren’t looking you will meet someone 😩

@Priddypuddycat

Can I add - there is someone for everyone- and when you aren’t looking you will meet someone 😩

Oh yeah, that one can fuck right off

@SinkGirl yes I hate that too. Or the power of positive thinking. I was reading a book on think yourself pregnant (I know!) and the author was told her baby was going to die but she refused to believe it and stated positive and her baby was fine. The book went straight in the bin as my sister had just lost her 5 day old baby girl. If only she’d know she could’ve just refused to believe she was going to die. Arghh

@Priddypuddycat

yes heard that one loads!!!

And ‘I just stopped trying and got pregnant straight away so just stop trying’ 😂😂

So you’re not allowed to want anything or you won’t get it. Once you stop looking for it you’ll randomly get it. What a joke.

Also 'money doesn't bring happiness' and 'alcohol won't solve your problems'. Yes they bloody do.

I do say que sera sera to myself, but since giving up the idea of karma/manifestation /positive - negative energies, I feel a lot more at peace.

I didn’t realise there were so many!!! I missed so many ‘gems’ in my opening post.

They're all shit. Every single one of them are shit.

Because Terry Pratchett and Tim Minchin are honouring this thread (two great antidotes to fatuous crap) I think a snippet from William Goldman may be in order: "Life is pain, Princess. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something."