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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a. Humiliated by this

35 replies

Annewithaneee · 30/06/2021 17:00

Had a catch up with w a direct colleague, normally we do get on but he was asking why things were the way they were and I felt a bit under pressure to explain what I had done.

He was on camera and when I was talking (prob sounding quite stressed) he laughed and made a gesture with his hands that implied I was talking too much? Kind of opening and shutting his hands, felt quite dismissive. He explained it away by saying his dog was barking so was trying to shut him up but it’s annoyed me a bit! Aibu? Has made me doubt my workplace communication etc...

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 30/06/2021 17:01

Is there no way his explanation could be true?

Arbadacarba · 30/06/2021 17:02

Was there audible barking?

IncyWincy21 · 30/06/2021 17:03

Well could you hear his dog?

Original poster
Annewithaneee · 30/06/2021 17:03

No, no barking - I mean it could be true but he was also like “right slow down” etc when I was talking...

OP posts:
IncyWincy21 · 30/06/2021 17:05

Was he on mute at times?

PurpleyBlue · 30/06/2021 17:06

No need to be humilated by it. Maybe he didn't want to interupt to ask you to slow down? He probably is out of practice in face to face interaction.

Orf1abc · 30/06/2021 17:06

Do you think he might have been right?

I wouldn't be humiliated, just take it on board and think about how you might be more coherent next time.

girl71 · 30/06/2021 17:30

"but he was asking why things were the way they were and I felt a bit under pressure to explain what I had done".

Has something not been done/completed? What was the way it was? It was rude of him to make that gesture but , he is trying to imply you were waffling/making excuses. He may also have assumed you would not have seen him do that. Or, he knew you would so was trying to make a point but, tactlessly

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 30/06/2021 17:58

What is he like historically? Does what you know of his character make this likely?

In any case, honestly obwohl feel humiliated too as I just overanalyse and worry too much. But...you shouldn't. It was just a work conversation. Try not to take it to heart.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 30/06/2021 17:59

Sorry for typos

SpikeDearheart · 30/06/2021 18:01

It sounds more like his communication skills are lacking tbh!

Millionsofpeachez · 30/06/2021 18:03

Try not to feel humiliated, maybe he just wanted you to slow down? It’s easy to get carried away when you’re in your stride about something! I think we’re all going to have to get used to face to face communications again.

StrongArm · 30/06/2021 18:07

He probably forgot he was on camera

I nearly did something v similar the other day Blush

TellingBone · 30/06/2021 18:18

Why did he explain? Had you challenged him about it? I hope so.

If it was intended as you took it at first then hopefully he'll think twice next time.

Waiting now for someone on MN to suggest he might :headtilt: have a disorder that makes him involuntarily open and close his hands during work discussions. Grin

whatthejiggeries · 30/06/2021 18:19

At worst I would take that as feedback that you were going on a bit - but I wouldn't get upset about it

FictionalCharacter · 30/06/2021 18:21

If he was doing that flappy mouth thing with his hands, that’s really rude. Nobody shuts their dog up by doing that so that’s most likely a lie.

Theboywiththearabstrap · 30/06/2021 18:29

He was VERY rude - you may also have been rude by dominating the conversation.

ShirleyPhallus · 30/06/2021 18:32

It’s very rude

But on zoom it’s impossible to interrupt in a way you can face to face. I have a few colleagues who just talk and talk with no opportunity to interject and I wish someone would tell them they talk too much

PartTimeLegend · 30/06/2021 18:39

@whatthejiggeries

At worst I would take that as feedback that you were going on a bit - but I wouldn't get upset about it
I'd take it that it was a man who feels superior and doesn't want to have to listen to what the little woman is saying, so makes that gesture to shut her down.
Maggiesfarm · 30/06/2021 18:40

Perhaps you needed to calm down.

blacksax · 30/06/2021 18:40

That's the "Stop rabbiting on, woman" gesture.

Bloody rude to do that to a colleague.

Original poster
Annewithaneee · 30/06/2021 18:53

Hmmm no excuses or the like from me. He just said oh why is this that, why is that that (I was a lot more in the detail so had to explain)... And then as I was explaining he did the gesture. I wasn’t dominating the conversation I don’t think, just trying to walk him through the work I had done...

I work in a financial field and some of the stuff can be a bit fiddly and also dependent on the quality of the unrelenting data. Also fairly new and trying to prove myself etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Annewithaneee · 30/06/2021 18:54

Yeah it was the flappy mouth thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
Annewithaneee · 30/06/2021 18:57

I changed some details in the post btw, he was asking his small children to be quiet - but I’m not sure you would use that gesture? I mean who knows but it did make me feel a bit on edge and shut down. I deliberately try and speak slowly and calmly but had been a long day and was a bit exhausted.

OP posts:
girl71 · 30/06/2021 18:58

Maybe be more concise in future interactions. That should mute his "rabbit" hand gestures.