To report or not to report?

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There are rumours at school about a single parent taking drugs. They have two sons at the infant school. I have not seen any if this, but heard it from several parents that they have observed various behaviours indicating being high on drugs, both on the school run and outside of school. I don't have any involvement with the parent.

Nobody has reported to the school or SS.

Where is the right balance?

Do you report rumours/gossip/observations that could potentially have another explanation/might be a one off etc etc?

I guess people are scared to point the finger in case they are wrong and the family has to go through hell with SS or even torn apart and it turns out to be nothing.

But what about the kids? If all the grown ups find some excuse not to report, some reason to distance themselves from the situation, then who is looking out for them? That's how these horror stories happen of kids being abused for years.

If I had seen any of the behaviour myself, I would 100% report to the school. But second and third hand gossip?

WWYD?

I wouldn’t report based on the word of other people, no. If they are dropping off/collecting their children on a daily basis then I’m sure the school would have witnessed certain behaviours (if they are that obvious that other parents have noticed, staff would have too) and followed protocol.

I wouldn't report the gossip of others, I would inky report what I had seen myself.

If you feel comfortable, maybe mention it to a teacher/TA? They should raise it as a 'cause for concern' for that child. As an isolated incident it maybe nothing would come of it, but if there are other causes for concern, it is building a picture of that child's life and appropriate agencies would be informed.

How can you report something based on hearsay?

Reporting idle gossip could be very harmful. If you have seen nothing yourself and the school has not done anything then you do nothing. And stop listening to rumours.

Of course you don't report based on gossip that you have no evidence to suggest is true. That's ridiculous. Please remember that next time it could be you who is the subject of gossip.

I would never report due to a rumour. You can't assume that social services or the police would do anything even if you had proof. My neighbour smokes skunk, has been witnessed buying other drugs from a known dealer, is emotionally abusive to her children, who rarely attend school (screaming at them, swearing at them, calling them names and threatening to hurt them physically). Social services are aware, the schools know, we call the police every time we witness something and still nothing appears to be improving or changing. It's been two years. There is at least one episode a week that is reportable. She has been arrested recently. The police have told us to stop calling.

I'd report my own concerns based on my observations. There are a lot of vicious gossips out there. That isn't to say that's what is going on. But the time I overheard one mum telling another how she had worked around a doctor refusing to prescribe her more of an addictive medication, yeah, I mentioned it and hopefully it helped her daughter in that the mother then got the help she needed. But when mum x starts going on about how one dad is a drug dealer because addictive medication mum says he sold her weed, yeah I just ignore it. I believe her, but it's just gossip.

I wouldn’t report something based on gossip. Not much would be done about the (alleged) situation anyway if you passed on gossip. Do you even know this person? Have you ever spoken to them yourself?

Tbh everyone gossiping sounds like a shower of shit. Parent might be incapacitated in some way when the children are in their care and no one has reported this to the school but they’re all having a good old bitch about it instead. Ugh.

‘Report’ is a strong word. It doesn’t have to be like that. You can have a chat with the head teacher off the record. They won’t call in SS based on gossip but they DO build a picture up. So if for example, the teacher raised a concern about the state or behaviour of the children and another report was made about something else to do with them a few months later, your concerns would be part of a larger picture that resulted in intervention. If your chat remains the only thing ever brought to the schools attention, nothing will come of it. The children should be considered before worrying about upsetting the adult.

I would never report based on rumours.

How would you feel if someone reported you because they'd heard a rumour about you?

I would 100% tell a teacher about the rumours if I were you, specifying that they are just rumours and you feel the need to offload as you are "worried and can't stop thinking about it".

In general there is no smoke without fire.

If I were a teacher and you reported a single parent to me for drug taking based on no evidence whatsoever other than playground gossip, I'd think you were a malicious bigot with too much time on your hands.

What you do is say you're not going to listen to reports of weird behaviour unless the person telling you has reported it to school. Refuse to discuss it other than 'have you told school?'. It is just gossip otherwise and reporting it is extremely unlikely to go well for you or result in any action on behalf of the child.

Anybody who's been on the wrong side of this shit knows very well there certainly can be 'smoke without fire' and smoke is damaging.

No, you cannot report someone based on what someone else thinks they saw. If you see behaviour that is disturbing you can report it. If someone else sees behaviour they find disturbing they can report it.

To be clear, I do not intend to report anything on the basis of gossip. I have seen first hand what shit storm can ensue.

I was just questioning myself and wanting to do the right thing - mainly by the children - though I would get a sense of what others think. Seems like most people so far accord with my own view of what is right.

Yes I know the person, although never interact. They tend to be last minute for drop off, so see them from a distance type thing.

The rumours fit the larger picture, but that's not to say they are true!!!

For context, I have heard this gossip from about 5 people who have all recounted unrelated incidents. More out of concern for the children than anthing malicious. I have suggested they report, but all have found some excuse not to. That might be a sign they are not sure about what they saw, or just not wanting to get involved.

Nobody has reported to the school or SS.

How do you know? If I reported I wouldn't tell people, as is the right thing to do. If you told me to report, I wouldn't tell you I had either.

You don't make reports on the basis of playground bitching.
If it's true then it's highly likely the school would know about it and would make the appropriate referrals in line with their safeguarding procedures. If they have done then it won't be information randoms on the school run will be privy too.

@MargaretThursday

Nobody has reported to the school or SS.

How do you know? If I reported I wouldn't tell people, as is the right thing to do. If you told me to report, I wouldn't tell you I had either.

True!!!!

@Patapouf

You don't make reports on the basis of playground bitching. If it's true then it's highly likely the school would know about it and would make the appropriate referrals in line with their safeguarding procedures. If they have done then it won't be information randoms on the school run will be privy too.

I agree with you, and I don't intend reporting gossip, as said above.

However, the second part of your post is on the one hand sensible and common sense. But on the other hand, schools do miss stuff, specially with all this covid stuff going on. The worst abuse cases have happened when people assumed the school had noticed/someone else would report.

To be clear it is the behaviour and lack of appropriate care giving that would be an issue, not the drugs themselves. Sadly lots of children live in households, known to social services, with parents who take drugs.

I would speak to school and make it clear this is information you have heard second hand. That way you have passed responsibility to them and they may already have concerns which they could add to your information. What you don't do is nothing if there is any chance at all that children are suffering.

@covidcloser that is a good point. I have no information about the lack or otherwise of caregiving abilities of this parent.

I suppose it's not a huge leap to say someone under the influence cannot be giving proper care, but as you say there are families where the parents drink or take drugs that manage to function well enough to keep SS off their backs.

I would speak to the school