To do everything around the house

[Clappingforjoy]

Is it acceptable for me to do all housework, shopping and work 30 hrs a week and for dp who has a very strenuous hard physical job to only do that and nothing else.
I also drop and pick him up from work when I'm not working.
Am I a mug or is this acceptable there are no children.

Working as a plasterer is strenuous but there are plenty of FAR more strenuous jobs out there. And its not like he's just not doing his fare share but still doing somethings - he's doing nothing at all!

Sounds very lazy if you ask me - but you are his enabler. Just stop it. I simply cannot believe there are still women who will endure this sort of utter nonsense in 2021. What sort of example are you setting to your (and his) grown up children?!

Eesh.

*fair share

Probably also the kind of man that pisses on the loo seat and doesn't wipe it up afterwards. What a catch!

You haven't actually said how many hours he works. As a plasterer I'm guessing it's not your standard Monday to Friday 9 to 5 type thing. I think if you work less hours than him then it's fair that you do more of the housework. And that would be what I'd say regardless of sex. If you're not happy then you have to talk to him and ask for more help.

Of course it's not ok what you're doing. You do realise some people manage 12 hour manual shifts in care and health etc on their feet plus overtime and can still put a plate in the dishwasher or bung their pants in the washing machine!? If he is genuinely really physically tired then maybe he can take over all the mental jobs and jobs he can do sitting down. Meal planning, ordering online shopping, sorting holidays, bills, insurance, subscriptions etc, sitting down and folding piles of laundry, researching large purchases, organising gifts etc. And you can do any jobs where you have to stand up for long periods.

Thats in the week, I'd expect 50 50 at the weekends for everything else

I do a physically and mentally strenuous job, I still pull my weight around the house.

You say you feel guilty asking him to do things because of his strenuous job, I'd bet you a pound to a penny he doesn't feel guilty about you waiting on him hand, foot and finger.

You're not his maid and it's not good for your self esteem to be treated like one.

I'll also bet that if he suddenly reduced his hours at work and you increased yours, you'd still do everything in the house

I would be grateful if he didn't dump plates in the sink and leave them sitting around and emptied bins

@Clappingforjoy

I would be grateful if he didn't dump plates in the sink and leave them sitting around and emptied bins

That's a low bar you've set. Does he financially support you? If not, then why not? I mean he expects you to have a traditional role...the traditional role of a man is to provide financial support isn't it?

I work 30 hours a week (mainly office work), my husband 40-42 hrs with a fairly physical job. He doesn't do much - empties dishwasher 5 mornings a week in term time (why term time only???), puts the bins out, does a very bare-minimum job of washing up after dinner 2 nights a week. I do the rest, including everything with the kids. Doesn't help that DH can't drive. Or cook. Or organize shit. I suspect I'm being a mug but I put up with it so long as he doesn't go back to leaving dirty boxer shorts on the sofa, in which case I will divorce him as promised