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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do everything around the house

60 replies

Clappingforjoy · 29/06/2021 16:58

Is it acceptable for me to do all housework, shopping and work 30 hrs a week and for dp who has a very strenuous hard physical job to only do that and nothing else.
I also drop and pick him up from work when I'm not working.
Am I a mug or is this acceptable there are no children.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 29/06/2021 17:39

Wouldn’t be acceptable to me. Cooking dinner, washing up, shopping etc all adds up and takes up time. We are all tired after work but everyone needs to contribute

An ex of mine tried this routine and we are no more. Especially as I started before him, finished after him and had a longer commute

Taliskerskye · 29/06/2021 17:41

You’ve set yourself up to fail forever more.
If this bothers you, which it clearly does. You’re going to be fucked

It doesn’t bother some people. Fine for them, but that’s clearly not you

CrotchetyQuaver · 29/06/2021 17:49

I wouldn't personally, there should be some chores he can take over. I don't the the burden should fall to just one when there are 2 adults in the house.

Wrotten · 29/06/2021 17:57

@Twistered

OP literally asks if she's a mug.

Takenoprisoner · 29/06/2021 17:59

The problem with this sort of set up is that people very quickly forget that these tasks take time and effort and stop appreciating their partner who does it all and lose respect for them.

Crankley · 29/06/2021 18:07

Why are you doing it then?

Have children and it will get ten times worse. Why are you enabling your DP to be a useless lazy arse?

Morgan12 · 29/06/2021 18:09

Would you mind saying his job?

Does he help out on weekends?

VettiyaIruken · 29/06/2021 18:10

It's acceptable if it's what you truly want and what makes you happy, even if other people think you're a mug.

It's not acceptable if you feel that you are being taken for a fool and feel resentful.

So the question is, are you happy with it? Do you want to carry on doing it? Do you want to have children with him and do everything for them while still doing everything for him?

Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 29/06/2021 18:12

No children too old now we have grown ups ones from previous relationships

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 29/06/2021 18:15

He lived with another guy before and neither of them did alot.
He has always been messy tends to leave plates around etc. Weekends he is catching up on sleep because he suffers with insomnia.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clappingforjoy · 29/06/2021 18:16

Plasterer

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 29/06/2021 18:16

So - are you happy with it?

MattyGroves · 29/06/2021 18:17

I don't it's totally unreasonable for you to do more but if you're literally waiting on him, i.e. he sits on the sofa and you serve him that's a bit... unattractive. I wouldn't want to feel like a maid. Is he appreciative? What does he do for you?

Ihavethesamedress · 29/06/2021 18:20

You're old enough to already know the answer to this question OP.

He's taking the piss knowing that you'll tidy up after him.

3Britnee · 29/06/2021 18:21

If you like him for some unknown reason just don't live with him. Live separately.

Rmka · 29/06/2021 18:32

It all comes down to how YOU feel about it. Are you happy with the arrangement? If you are, it doesn't matter what others think. If you're not, change it.

Wonmoretime · 29/06/2021 18:34

So he ‘catches up on sleep’ at the weekend because he has insomnia. If I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t sleep I get up and tidy up, wash the floors or do some laundry. Suggest he try that. Also if he stayed awake and helped with housework at weekends it may improve his sleep pattern.

Comedycook · 29/06/2021 18:37

Mug imo

I do everything in the house but I don't work.

I cannot stand men who expect a 1950s style housewife but casually forget that the men were usually the sole financial provider. Men nowadays seem to expect women to do it all and also contribute financially. It's a dam cheek.

user1471538283 · 29/06/2021 18:43

If you can you need to work full time. Everything else you do between you.

If you weren't there he would have to do so I dont see why you should now.

Chocoqueen · 29/06/2021 18:47

I think it depends. Both DH and I work full time, but whereas I tend to be able to stick to my 37 contracted hours a week, he often works 50-60. I therefore tend to do everything round the house while he's working so we can spend time relaxing together when he's not. During his quiet periods or my busy periods he does more. It might make me a 'mug' but I'd rather spend time with him doing fun stuff at weekends than him do his 'share' of cleaning!

felulageller · 29/06/2021 18:51

No ltb.

Taliskerskye · 29/06/2021 18:53

Plasterer! FML
That’s a joke right.

Anyway. He doesn’t care one way or another

thevassal · 29/06/2021 19:24

@MostlyHappyMummy

If you weren't living together who would wash his clothes, purchase and cook his food and clean his home?
This. Having a 'physical job' isn't an excuse not to do anything! If he was single he would magically have to find the energy to do these things, or would he just starve to death on the sofa?

Why can't he drive himself back and forth to work?

vinicunca · 29/06/2021 19:57

This is a joke right?

The oh wondrous PLASTERER Grin - king of all kings - lie on thy sofa and thou shalt be waited on hand and foot by thy lowly maid (when she’s not on MN).

Christ on a bike. OP, you do realise some men work 80 hour weeks and still manage a semblance of functionality outside of that.

This bloke sounds like a dozy tosser. Sorry.

EL8888 · 29/06/2021 20:14

@Chocoqueen l don’t think that makes you a mug, you have give and take. Which l think is important in relationships and life. Whereas the poster of this thread is giving and giving

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