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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is ridiculous

40 replies

YummyButter · 29/06/2021 16:47

Friend of mine is terribly lonely (moved to UK from foreign country, knows absolutely nobody here). We met at work and became quite friendly with eachother. Our lives are very different, I have a child and a partner, and friend lives alone.

Friend LOVES nights out, this is all they ever want to do at the weekends. I cannot always go on nights out, obviously.

We organised a night out over the weekend, and I failed to mention to my friend that I had my Covid jab the day before our night out. On the day of the night out I started to have a headache and just didn't feel up to going out, I just wanted to chill at home.

Friend got upset with me, and told me I shouldn't have booked the covid jab for the day before we were due to go out as there was the possibility that I would become unwell due to the side effects. I ended up feeling so guilty that I went for a meal with them anyway to get them out of their house, and keep them happy.

Ever since I've felt like such a mug! I'm wondering if I need to distance myself from this person, but I don't want to be cruel, as I'm one of only 2 friends that they have in this country. AIBU?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 29/06/2021 16:51

I can see both sides. If you felt unwell then you shouldn’t have felt obliged to go out. But I deliberately didn’t book my vaccination for days where I’d already made plans with people, because I knew there was a good likelihood it might make me feel ropey and I didn’t want to let people down - it’s been a long year of distancing for many people and cancelling plans they may have been really looking forward to at the last minute seemed thoughtless if it can be avoided.

jonny9487 · 29/06/2021 16:59

I think getting the jab trumps social engagements

Original poster
YummyButter · 29/06/2021 17:02

I organised the night out, then the appointments came out for my age group so I organised it for the first available appointment that fitted around my work schedule.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 29/06/2021 17:04

There obviously desperate for a night out but it's ridiculous they got mad that you felt sick!

stayathomer · 29/06/2021 17:04

They're!

Backhills · 29/06/2021 17:05

I think she behaved badly because she was disappointed. It doesn't make it OK, but it's not something to end a friendship over unless you're looking for an excuse. You don't sound particularly fond of her.

EL8888 · 29/06/2021 17:05

@jonny9487 l agree the jab is more important. Plus it’s not all about your friend and her want of a night out Hmm

DuzzyFuck · 29/06/2021 17:06

YANBU. I had dinner plans with friends the day I had my jab and it was on the proviso 'if I feel ok'. Maybe you should have told them in advance, but jab trumps a night out.

Rillington · 29/06/2021 17:06

I agree with them. It was daft organising the vaccination before a pre arranged meet up.

Youdiditanyway · 29/06/2021 17:07

I can see things from her perspective tbh. Moving to a new place and having no friends is incredibly lonely and difficult, she’ll probably feel very pleased to have met you. She might not be as important to you because you have a partner and child but she sounds lonely so your friendship is most likely invaluable to her. She was looking forward to the night out a lot and you cancelled at the last minute which is always a crappy thing to do. You didn’t have to book the vaccine for that particular day, you could have waited a day or two… Ultimately think YABU.

Aprilx · 29/06/2021 17:11

It’s not hard to get a vaccination, you could have considered your pre existing arrangements.

Shoxfordian · 29/06/2021 17:11

Surely you knew the jab could have side effects? Could have planned better here

MadMadMadamMim · 29/06/2021 17:13

I can see that they were disappointed, but frankly you don't organise your Covid jab around their social life.

And they are unreasonable to rely almost solely on you for their entertainment. You have a partner, a child and (presumably) other friends and family of your own. You can't be responsible for their loneliness.

They need to look at what they can do to be pro-active about making friends and developing a social life. That's what you need to do if you move somewhere new. I speak as someone who has lived all over the world.

stayathomer · 29/06/2021 17:14

It’s not hard to get a vaccination, you could have considered your pre existing arrangements.
Oh my god in Ireland they're like gold dust!! Crazy you'd say that about something people have been waiting so long for!!!

Babyboomtastic · 29/06/2021 17:16

I'm another one that organised my jab around when it wouldn't be a problem if I was ill the next day. It also sounds as if your weren't that ill 'started to have a headache' and you just didn't fancy it, not that your were so poorly you couldn't. I'd have thought it was a car of take a couple of paracetamol and give the evening a shot.

2021DNA · 29/06/2021 17:16

YABU. You could have arranged the night out or the jab on different weekends. It’s typical behaviour of someone in a relationship who doesn’t really care about their single friends.

walkoflifewoohoo · 29/06/2021 17:22

I think he should go and make some friends instead of nagging you to do exactly what he wants all the time then guilt tripping you when you're feeling ill!

Tal45 · 29/06/2021 17:24

She's struggling and she took it out a bit on you, she was upset because going out is so important to her and she's quite reliant on you as she doesn't have many friends. I think it was kind of you to go anyway, you weren't a mug IMO just being a good friend as you had organised going out in the first place then prioritised other things. I don't think you need to distance yourself - you were the one who messed up the plans after all.

DreamingofTimbuktu · 29/06/2021 17:25

I can see why she was disappointed but ultimately your jab was more important than a night out. It is worrying that you can’t say no to her though

Doublestar · 29/06/2021 17:31

The jab is irrelevant IMO - a good friend (and decent person) would not guilt trip someone into going out with them if they were feeling unwell or berate them for booking the jab the day before. I might think to myself "well that was a bit daft" but to actually pull you up on it and then accept your offer to still go out despite feeling unwell? Unthinkable, even with my oldest friends I wouldn't do this and neither would they. She sounds extremely selfish and only concerned with her own need for a plus-one to go out on the town with!

MMMarmite · 29/06/2021 17:31

For my friendship group, jabs took precedence over other arrangements. I think she's being a bit unfair. It depends somewhat whether you offered to reschedule, and whether this is a one-off or you often cancel last minute.

Bluntness100 · 29/06/2021 17:34

Wow it’s really cold and harsh to end a friend ship over this. Which makes me think you’re no friend of hers and don’t give a fuck about her. She was clearly just disappointed. And you obviously weren’t that ill you couldn’t go out.

Original poster
YummyButter · 29/06/2021 17:34

I can absolutely see where you guys are coming from, honestly.

The thing is, all they ever want to do is go on nights out. Therefore, if I suggest doing something more chill, they're not interested. For instance, I once suggested us going to my other friends house during the day and having a drink or 2 in their garden, and the response was "No, I don't want to do that, I want to go out and drink" (with me), then another time I suggested going to the beach for a walk, and the response was "I want to go out on my weekends, why can't you understand that?". I've done everything to try to keep them happy, including bringing them lunches on my days off (we work from home and do shift work), and kept them company during their lunch hour. Never once have they offered to buy me lunch.

It just all seems very one-sided, and I have to do everything they want to do or they give me a hard time for "not understanding them".

OP posts:
user1493494961 · 29/06/2021 17:36

Your friend sounds hard work.

Original poster
YummyButter · 29/06/2021 17:36

@MMMarmite

For my friendship group, jabs took precedence over other arrangements. I think she's being a bit unfair. It depends somewhat whether you offered to reschedule, and whether this is a one-off or you often cancel last minute.
I offered to reschedule to the following weekend, and this is the only time I've ever cancelled plans on them.
OP posts: