Ex wants to take kids abroad

[Or3ngina]

Gah exh wants to take kids abroad in August. I'm not keen only because of the pandemic. He's not stated where yet but that doesn't matter, anywhere worries me. AIBU?

Would you be OK with this?

Is this the first time he'd be taking them abroad?

How old are the DC?

Is there a risk he won’t return them?

I think also where he is going matters.

Yes more information needed here

Depends how old they are really. I wouldn’t be comfortable if they’re under maybe 4 but over that then fine, enjoy your break.

If they are relatively young I’d worry the travel experience with extra measures in place could worry them about travel longer term, so I’d say no.

If they’re teenagers, they’re old enough to understand it can wait a year, so I’d also say no.

And my ex has taken my DD abroad a few times.

We aren’t going abroad this year (again) despite the adults being double jabbed so I may be slightly biased. It just doesn’t feel right to do it at the moment.

I am in a similar situation, also hesitant. Check what are his plan for the quarantine - in my case ex was planning that they would be self-isolating with me on the return, and I cannot really afford two weeks off unpaid at the moment.

YABU

I’d be amazed if it even happened. Pandemic aside, booking an august holiday abroad now will not be cheap. Is it something he will likely be able to afford?

Plus with the pandemic, he faces last minute changes to the green list so could find his plans dashed anyway.

Just wait until he actually comes to you with a destination and date then see how you feel

Nope I wouldn’t allow it
Why this year for first time?

@forinborin

I am in a similar situation, also hesitant. Check what are his plan for the quarantine - in my case ex was planning that they would be self-isolating with me on the return, and I cannot really afford two weeks off unpaid at the moment.

Forget that. They quarantine with him. If he can’t have four weeks off work then he has to rethink

Even putting the pandemic aside I'd not be happy if I'm honest.
How has he been in relation to Covid and following the rules etc ?
Is he generally responsible?
Willing to isolate with the dc on their return?
Personally my view is that unless both parents are happy about something (and can rationally argue their case against something) then it doesn't happen.

Forget that. They quarantine with him. If he can’t have four weeks off work then he has to rethink
He's not working now - just that is how he decided to split the school holiday. They can't quarantine with him as he will be off to another country again the next day, he's just dropping them back off with me in the UK. It infuriates me, to be honest.

Yep, check that he can quarantine with him or he can take the time off to care for them if they are unwell.

Having said that, he may be the kind that hopes for the best and drops them back at you with no regard. Mine did, someway he assumed he could be as careless as he wanted but if the kid was unwell he would just drop him at school or my house, saying it was my responsibility to take unpaid leave and take over because he “needed to work/had no leave left/had a life to live/was dying of man flu”.

He's not decided on destination yet. I'll assume somewhere on the green list (I hope). He has a couple of weeks in Aug with them so if he did need to quarantine on return I hope he's factored that in. I'll insist he does as I don't want to be stuck at home in my holiday time with them.

They are 5 and 8 and this will be the first time abroad with him although they have been abroad before (europe).

I've decided to do small UK holiday thinking it was more sensible in the situation.

@Minfilia good point re extra measures. The airport situation is awful anyway with young kids let alone now I imagine.

Tbh if you are in the UK then chances are your children are more likely to pick covid up here than anywhere your ex takes them (assuming it's on the green list).

I'd be more concerned about the quarantine on return side, as the country statuses can change at any time and if that happens while they are away, either you won't see them for 4 whole weeks or you have to be isolated with them on their return, which is shit.

But equally not sure what the best course of action is if it's likely to cause massive conflict with your ex? I think I'd be more happy if he agreed to book something last minute based on the green countries at that time, but even then it's still a bit of a risk in terms of having to quarantine.

@Bibidy yes, it's the every changing landscape of it too. Again, didn't consider the last minute change that can happen and yes it would potentially mean a sudden quarantine when one wasn't required.

This has made me feel even worse about it and cross he's even considering it. Just cough up and go to Center Parks like the rest of us FFS!!!!

Of course I'd be ok with it.

Unlike some on here I don't align to the mindset of mothers wishes coming first.

He is as much of a parent to your children as you are, if he wants to take them away why would that be an issue?

I would however refuse to have them back home if they were forced to isolate, etc.

@TheNotoriousPIG

Of course I'd be ok with it.

Unlike some on here I don't align to the mindset of mothers wishes coming first.

He is as much of a parent to your children as you are, if he wants to take them away why would that be an issue?

I would however refuse to have them back home if they were forced to isolate, etc.

This is a bit harsh!! I am an SM so definitely not of the mindset that mum's wishes come first.

BUT under the current circumstances, I can completely see why either parent would be uncomfortable with the other taking their children abroad, given the risk of quarantine on return.

Especially as by the sound of OP's follow-up posts, their quarantine could impact on her booked holiday time with them. So he could take them abroad, the country could be changed to Amber or Red while they are there and then OP's holiday is completely ruined because they now have to quarantine. When their dad could have just taken them somewhere in the UK this year, to eliminate that risk.

I would let them go as long as he can factor in any sort of required quarantine into his time.

Covid isn’t going anywhere so this will forever be a travelling issue for years to come.

I would have no issues with it.
You are choosing to holiday in the U.K and he has chosen to go abroad.

You are both Parents and responsible adults.

With the current variant you are probably at less risk abroad than in the UK anyway.

Providing he also has them if quarantine is required then I can't see a problem

@uggmum

I would have no issues with it. You are choosing to holiday in the U.K and he has chosen to go abroad.

You are both Parents and responsible adults.

With the current variant you are probably at less risk abroad than in the UK anyway.

Providing he also has them if quarantine is required then I can't see a problem

I am so surprised that some people really wouldn't mind this?!

I wouldn't be worried from the COVID risk POV, but I wouldn't want to either a) not see my kids for a whole month because they're on holiday and then quarantining with their dad, or b) have to cancel our holiday and quarantine at home with them myself.

I mean, it's not the end of the world but I can see why OP would rather they both agreed to do UK holidays this year.

I have said no to my ex taking our DC (10 & 12) abroad this year. It would mean they would have to quarantine with him afterwards which would mean I wouldn't see them for the two weeks of precious leave I have booked in summer PLUS they would be stuck inside for two weeks which is not fair on them.

On telling him this, he stropped and cancelled his leave so I now have to work from home and look after them on 'his' week anyway. He could easily have taken them somewhere in the UK. Hopefully, if you do say no, your ex is more reasonable.

@Unanananana I'm sorry you co parent with a stroppy man child! I think they just don't like being told what to do even though it's sometimes a bit of common sense. I've not said no but voiced my concerns so will see what he comes back with. Probably tell everyone I'm an unreasonable monster!

Common sense is not his strong point!! Manchild is accurate though!

Sounds like you have been very reasonable. If your ex has any sense, he will take them on holiday in the UK. Going abroad is a risky business right now and more and more countries will be putting restrictions on UK visitors.