To be upset that dh got me a bloody iron

[Ohdear7777]

For my birthday?! Yes we already have one and no I didn’t get anything else!! Wth

@springbabs

It's a man thing. I was once given a carpet washer and DH couldn't understand why I was upset.

No, it’s a misogynist thing.

Ask him for the receipt, take it back and buy yourself something you do want.
At every birthday/Xmas from now on you tell him what you do want.

It must be a joke present, surely?!

Its not 'men dont get it'. What sexist crap. Men do this type of thing as they dont care to take the time to think about what there partner would like as it takes thought and effort. My Dh has always got me lovely gifts, handbags, beautiful scarves, jewellery etc etc His male friends get there wives thoughtful presents too.

An ex once bought me a white corset & stockings & stilettos set with a set of kitchen utensils for a birthday. All I could think of was "whore in the bedroom, whizz I the kitchen" sexist assed trope & he was dumped shortly after

Dh knows that I would wrap in round his head if he got me an appliance for my birthday

@SingingInTheShithouse

An ex once bought me a white corset & stockings & stilettos set with a set of kitchen utensils for a birthday. All I could think of was "whore in the bedroom, whizz I the kitchen" sexist assed trope & he was dumped shortly after

Jesus, no wonder he's an ex.

Telling them what you want stops all the upset. It’s how I do it now.

Telling them what you want stops all the upset. It’s how I do it now

Unless you are like the previous poster who repeatedly told her dh about the necklace she would like for her birthday and then was presented with ...oven gloves. (Good ones apparently )

What was your dh’s reaction to your reaction OP?

If you have to 'tell them what you want' it's not a present, because that implies they've put some thought into it. If you don't want to risk a surprise, just don't bother with presents of significant value and exchange token food and drink treats instead.

Then you can just buy yourself what you want when you want it for clothes, tech, accessories etc and just avoid the pointless charade.

Gosh OP. Can we assume you've told him it's not acceptable?

I'd put it in a prominent place in the living room, like an ornament and never ever use it.

It's not a "aw men! Aren't they useless? But we love 'em" thing. It' s being a thoughtless fucker thing. I wouldn't bother with tat for his next present. It would be nothing - because how do you top that?

I'm not a big birthday person but that would really upset me too OP, I would rather recieve nothing at all.

Tell him how it has made you feel, it's not really a gift for you is it? It's an everyday household item, not a gift. Many will tell you to laugh it off because 'that's what men are like' but it shouldn't be.

In my experience a lot of blokes like ‘useful’ gifts so if you got him a household present he wouldn’t be bothered and be probably pretty chuffed. I would absolutely shove the iron where the sun doesn’t shine and tell him to rethink very quickly.

I made it clear to my DH years ago that domestic appliances are not to be given unsolicited as birthday or Christmas gifts.
They are only ever acceptable if specifically requested

@HarryBlaster

In my experience a lot of blokes like ‘useful’ gifts so if you got him a household present he wouldn’t be bothered and be probably pretty chuffed. I would absolutely shove the iron where the sun doesn’t shine and tell him to rethink very quickly.

It's true. It's a very much men are from mars, women are from Venus situation!

If it's got a plug, it is not a present

@HarryBlaster

In my experience a lot of blokes like ‘useful’ gifts so if you got him a household present he wouldn’t be bothered and be probably pretty chuffed. I would absolutely shove the iron where the sun doesn’t shine and tell him to rethink very quickly.

But that's only if he's the type who likes drills etc and he only uses it when he feels like it.

There's a world of difference between doing a bit of DIY when you feel like it and spending an hour a week having to use the drill/iron whether you want to or not.

Mine was apparently going to buy me a replacement (but different colour) car bonnet from the scrapyard after a pheasant caused a huge dent whilst committing hari kiri when I was driving along the motorway.
Luckily my DCs, in no uncertain terms, told him what they thought of that. So I got nothing 😡

@Shade17

A friend of mine received a set of kitchen knives for her ( special ) birthday . Apparently it was to help her chop things better ! He was lucky she didn’t chop off his dick .

Nice knives are a great gift!

Only if they are wanted by the recipient, and I''d never want them for a special birthday.

I once gave my husband a pair of castration pliers for his birthday (this was the year after he gave me pigs as an engagement present). He was pleased, but I think he also understood the message!

Generally, he likes practical presents, and I do too, but not for chores. I love gardening, so a nice spade or a heap of manure would be lovely because they involve something I do mostly for pleasure. If I got an iron, that would mean having to decide if I should heat it up before I threw it at his miserable head.

I got a carpet sweeper one Christmas from my DH about 20 years ago...I'm still fuming. I never used it out of principle 😀

Someone else mentioned it's not a man thing, it's misogyny, and I think that's true in many cases. But it's not all men because I see plenty of comments on various threads about gifts that some men can be thoughtful and give their partners appropriate gifts.

I can look back and see how misogynistic my ex was, and also how extremely materialistic. He'd sometimes tell me what he'd like for gifts, and expected I spend a lot on him. While at the same time he would get me some cheap thing, or sometimes nothing at all. He never did cards, didn't believe in them. One year, he even expected gushing praise for him buying a (single) CD from the internet.

He used to whine that he had "no time to shop" despite my birthday, and Christmas being on the same days every year. He also relied on me to sort out giftts for our DC. He'd ask me a day or two before their birthdays if "we" had got them anything.

It boiled down to he couldn't be arsed. I left him because he was abusive, but this was one of the minor reasons that added into me leaving.

@SkiingIsHeaven

Buy him a toilet plunger for his birthday.

Yes…!

Only if they are wanted by the recipient, and I''d never want them for a special birthday.

That’s true of any present surely? I had some steak knives for a special birthday, not something I’d asked for but over the moon with.

My dad did this to my mum once. She was quite direct in expressing her displeasure.