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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A MIL one!

33 replies

goldpendant · 27/06/2021 21:37

Keen to know if IHBU at all here?

Visited in laws today. Asked them to let me know the date that some theatre tickets have been rescheduled for. It's been rescheduled after it was cancelled due to Covid.

MIL says, oh, we emailed you. That's strange I say, I've had no email. They swear blind they emailed DH and I but I've had nothing and nor has DH, so no idea when this show is meant to be at all.

MIL says to check on her wall calendar, which I do. I note that the show is on the same day as my own dads 70th birthday dinner. Note this is some 5 months away.

I say to MIL, very sadly, that I think we'll have to miss the theatre because it's Dad's big birthday meal - which she'd have had some awareness of because his b'day (along with the age) is also on her calendar. Other family members are going to the theatre so they wouldn't be on their own.

Anyway, MIL flips!

MIL snaps: "Well, the theatre has been confirmed for ages"

Me, taken aback: "Sorry, but I didn't know the date"

MIL: "We emailed you"

Me: "I never got it"

(At this point FIL says he'll forward it again. We wait for the email. Lo and behold they had emailed but used my defunct email address from 15yrs ago and not cc'd DH at all).

MIL: "Well, when did your dad book in this birthday meal?"

Me: "Recently, but it's irrelevant because it's his 70th and I'm not going to miss it, I can't change his birthday"

This went on and on. To the point where I had to walk out.

I understand MIL is upset, but I'm sure these tickets could probably be moved to another date if they are that keen for us to go with them. She's normally lovely, very normal tempered, and very sweet/ understanding, but I saw an unpleasant side to her over this today. I just can't understand her position at all.

AIBU to be really baffled by this behaviour and somewhat peeved she'd expect me to have done anything differently?

OP posts:
Zeev · 27/06/2021 21:41

YANBU. It's your father's 70th ffs. The theatre will still be there on other days.

TolkiensFallow · 27/06/2021 21:42

Yanbu

TheMotherlode · 27/06/2021 21:43

YANBU. That’s a very OTT reaction from them. Not sure what you could have done differently really given that you didn’t know the date. It’s unfortunate but they’ll just have to go with someone else.

Is there any other context to this? Could they perhaps feel like you don’t spend enough time with them, or that you prioritise your family? Just trying to make sense of the big emotional reaction.

Hercisback · 27/06/2021 21:44

Can't she just take a friend? Massive over reaction.

Wearywithteens · 27/06/2021 21:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/06/2021 21:45

YANBU. Where was DH in all this?

Dillydollydingdong · 27/06/2021 21:46

See if they can change the date of the theatre visit

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/06/2021 21:46

@Wearywithteens

Ahh she’s just disappointed and a bit miffed that another set of parents comes first. Forgive her - people are allowed to not be perfect all the time.
It’s not the other parents, it’s the 70th, from what OP says. Given her previously good relationship with her MIL she’s probably prioritise MIL or FIL’s big birthday over a moveable theatre date.
goldpendant · 27/06/2021 21:46

We spend bucket loads of time with them - frequent visits/weekends/holidays etc.

We all live in the same, large city. My side of the family are closer to us geographically (Dad lives 5 mins from me, largely as he's on his own and I am quite involved in his care these days). It takes about an hour to get to my in laws but we are closer, in terms of quality time spent, to them.

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 27/06/2021 21:47

Wearywithteens

Exactly that.

PurpleyBlue · 27/06/2021 21:48

Not sure what she expected you to do. They should be sorting out dates with DH for a start not expecting you to do it.

DarceyDashwood · 27/06/2021 21:49

YANBU. She needs to grow up

goldpendant · 27/06/2021 21:49

For context, on the FIL 70th we went away for a week with them. For their big anniversary it was a luxury weekend in the UK for us all.

My dad is a bit skint so a dinner it will be.

Has made me really sad. I felt so attacked.

DH was in the next room. I was helping MIL with washing up!

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 27/06/2021 21:52

If it’s been rescheduled due to COVID, surely some people might not be able to do the rescheduled date? Perhaps she can change it. But yes, a massive overreaction from the MIL. Especially as she knew it was your dad’s birthday.

Cryalot2 · 27/06/2021 21:54

Put your dad first. Your dh needs to speak to his parents.
Sorry you are upset, you have every right to be.

goldpendant · 27/06/2021 21:55

Funnily enough, the email when I did receive it, offered alternative dates to the one that had automatically been allocated. But not only did in laws never actually check the date worked for us, I never got the email either!

Argh! Feel like I had a proper dressing down!

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 27/06/2021 21:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

godmum56 · 27/06/2021 22:02

YANBU. If I didn't get an answer to an email, i would phone or text.

goldpendant · 27/06/2021 22:02

Fine @Wearywithteens but she went on and on! Not a 'minor annoyance'!

I do understand she was upset, I guess I'm just shocked by the reaction, she didn't just strop, she was barking at me as if I had my loyalties and priorities completely wrong.

Anyway, I'm fairly convinced IANBU.

OP posts:
snoozeytime · 27/06/2021 22:06

When asked how long your dads meal had been booked for I would have said well his birthday has been booked for nearly 70 years, wouldn't you know!

2021DNA · 27/06/2021 22:08

She sounds too high maintenance.

Feedingthebirds1 · 27/06/2021 22:08

MIL snaps: "Well, the theatre has been confirmed for ages"

Answer - well it's been my Dad's birthday that day for the last 70 years.

Leave her to stew. They failed to communicate (and quietly I'm wondering, if a range of theatre dates were available, and she knows it's your Dad's birthday, did she do it to 'test' you?)

cupcakecourageous · 27/06/2021 22:12

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable!

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/06/2021 22:17

What did DH say about it afterwards? Why didn’t he ask why they hadn’t emailed him?

The theatre trip has been ruined now after her strop so make sure DH knows you’re not going.

Elisandra · 27/06/2021 22:22

I can’t understand how - with MIL repeatedly barking at you - your DH managed to stay uninvolved in the next room.