A MIL one!

[goldpendant]

Keen to know if IHBU at all here?

Visited in laws today. Asked them to let me know the date that some theatre tickets have been rescheduled for. It's been rescheduled after it was cancelled due to Covid.

MIL says, oh, we emailed you. That's strange I say, I've had no email. They swear blind they emailed DH and I but I've had nothing and nor has DH, so no idea when this show is meant to be at all.

MIL says to check on her wall calendar, which I do. I note that the show is on the same day as my own dads 70th birthday dinner. Note this is some 5 months away.

I say to MIL, very sadly, that I think we'll have to miss the theatre because it's Dad's big birthday meal - which she'd have had some awareness of because his b'day (along with the age) is also on her calendar. Other family members are going to the theatre so they wouldn't be on their own.

Anyway, MIL flips!

MIL snaps: "Well, the theatre has been confirmed for ages"

Me, taken aback: "Sorry, but I didn't know the date"

MIL: "We emailed you"

Me: "I never got it"

(At this point FIL says he'll forward it again. We wait for the email. Lo and behold they had emailed but used my defunct email address from 15yrs ago and not cc'd DH at all).

MIL: "Well, when did your dad book in this birthday meal?"

Me: "Recently, but it's irrelevant because it's his 70th and I'm not going to miss it, I can't change his birthday"

This went on and on. To the point where I had to walk out.

I understand MIL is upset, but I'm sure these tickets could probably be moved to another date if they are that keen for us to go with them. She's normally lovely, very normal tempered, and very sweet/ understanding, but I saw an unpleasant side to her over this today. I just can't understand her position at all.

AIBU to be really baffled by this behaviour and somewhat peeved she'd expect me to have done anything differently?

TV on, kids playing, I guess!

I told him about it on the car on the way home. He's baffled by it too.

Ah that's a shame when you're usually close. Hopefully just a rare overreaction on her part (we've all been there about something at some stage, and so much has been on hold lately that the rearranged plans falling through might've been a bit of a straw breaking the camel's back situation) and it will all blow over.

If it's an isolated incident rather than part of a pattern I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Roll your eyes with DH and just breezily assume it's a fait accompli if it comes up with her again. Oh dear, what a shame.

I don't think she's in the right but maybe she'd just had a bad day, maybe her hormones are playing up. You've then told her that you can't make the dates, for a perfectly good reason but she's disappointed and has taken her bad mood out on you. I'm not saying that's ok but we've all been there! Just see how she is next time you see her or speak to her, she might be horrified with herself tomorrow. I absolutely think your dads birthday meal comes 1st though.

You’ve definitely not been unreasonable
Just a thought, could you add a ticket for your dad?
Make it a dinner & theatre trip for his birthday? As a gift from you maybe?
Appreciate it might not be appropriate of course

YANBU not sure why you’re MIL is irritated as she sent it to the wrong email address?! Another vote to stick with your dads birthday meal. She’s being unreasonable

I imagine that she thought at first you'd ignored them, and then when she found out about the email snafu she perhaps got flustered and embarrassed. No excuse for being rude, but technology can leave older people feeling confused and helpless and I can imagine it gets frustrating sometimes.

She also might believe (as my parents would) that it will be impossible to change the tickets now, when actually it will likely not be a problem. My parents still sometimes think that things are still like they were in the 80s and can be surprised when, say, they are able to return something without a receipt, or whatever.

Now you've got the email, get DH to reply to it and accept one of the alternative dates she proposed.

She's normally lovely, very normal tempered, and very sweet/ understanding, but I saw an unpleasant side to her over this today.

We can all be lovely and sweet and understanding when things are going our way, it's how we are when things don't go our way that counts. Is she used to always getting what she wants - you did the big celebrations for her family before and maybe the expectation is you will fall into line and put her family first every time. Is this the first time you have disagreed with her plans? If it is, you might be seeing the person she really is. Hopefully I am wrong and she's a lovely person and this is an out of character blip.