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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Single mothers over 40

54 replies

Nopenevergoingtohappen · 27/06/2021 21:09

Do any single parents over 40 feel happy being single? I would love to hear from fellow singletons. I really love not answering to anyone and enjoying my kids as they grow up. I struggle with why society expects that if you are not in a relationship then you should seek one. So many friends are miserable with selfish partners, yet I seem to be the outcast as I cannot maintain a romantic relationship. Is being a single mother in your 40's as tragic as certain people seem to class it as?

OP posts:
Unisexnames · 27/06/2021 21:15

I am a single mother over 40. Had a couple of crappy relationships and appear to be in another one now. I'm going to join your content with being single club. It's just too much bloody hassle. I'm glad I read this, I know I've not answered but it's made me realise I defo need to get out now!

Original poster
Nopenevergoingtohappen · 27/06/2021 21:23

Unisexnames I'm glad you replied, thank you. Being a single parent is daunting but a helluva lot better than doing it with the wrong partner. Good luck x

OP posts:
Thesheerrelief · 27/06/2021 21:23

I'm 40 and a single mother. I don't seem able to find/maintain a 'good' relationship so I'm better off not in a crap one! I'm working on my own issues but honestly don't want a relationship for the foreseeable future. I enjoy the small bit of time I get to myself and don't think I'd like to share that now!

Unisexnames · 27/06/2021 21:27

I've been single for a while and loved it. I just seem to be looking for the perfect man. I need to put on my big girl pants and embrace being single. My children are awesome (not all the time obviously) and I'm so content. Not sure why I feel the need for to fill my spare time with a bellend Smile

arethereanyleftatall · 27/06/2021 21:29

Nope. It's absolutely bliss.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/06/2021 21:29

Ah, you have two questions in your op! Yes, happy. Nope, tragic.

HugeAckmansWife · 27/06/2021 21:32

Oh I'm not exactly single, but my partner is very separate to my life as a mum, running my home etc. We both prefer it that way. Its possible because my kids are with their dad eow and DP has his own hobbies and interests. He comes over once or twice in the week after kids' bedtime but doesn't usually stay over if they're here. Best of both worlds I think.

Jabba2020 · 27/06/2021 21:33

Single mum over 40,
Nothing could convince me to have a man in my life again, I have enough children as it is.

Livingintheclouds · 27/06/2021 21:34

I became a widow in my 40s with two young kids. I have sime friends who think I must be wanting a relationship. Frankly if it happened, fine, but I'm not going out there to find one. Though I wish my husband was around to help with my semi wayward 17 year old son.

Freddiefox · 27/06/2021 21:35

Yes single, over 40, love it… only one of my friends I would say has a healthy relationship. I look at the others with pity. They look at me with pity. But I love my life

ReadySalt · 27/06/2021 21:37

Over 40 here and getting divorced. It is much better being single than being in an unhappy relationship. Having said that, I would appreciate some male company sometime (not a full blown relationship) but not sure how to meet someone when I am either looking after kids or working. There are lots of benefits with being single, you do what you like when you like, no more dealing with in-laws, no more resentment at living with a lazy dick. The downside is no sex and no adult conversation around the house.

Bubbles07 · 27/06/2021 21:37

Single mum over 40 here and I love it! No one to answer to etc. I haven't ruled out ever having a relationship again but it wouldn't bother me if it never happens. I honestly don't think I would want to live with someone again.

Original poster
Nopenevergoingtohappen · 27/06/2021 21:38

oops! I'm a mumsnet novice. I'm glad to hear other women have fulfilled lives as single mothers and don't feel pressure to be with awful partners in order to be "correct" by society's standards.

OP posts:
Seasidemumma77 · 27/06/2021 21:39

After being happy being single for years, I'm now in a very happy relationship. After an open an honest discussion, we both are in complete agreement to continue to live separately. It works for us, and it works for my children.

Amiable · 27/06/2021 21:40

I am 51 and ended my marriage last year. I have absolutely no intention of getting into another relationship any time soon! I love that it is just me and my kids, I haven't been this happy in a long time.

OverTheRubicon · 27/06/2021 21:42

Agree it's not tragic. Being in a great relationship would undoubtedly be better than being single, but I see so few great relationships, especially with young children and step-parents.

This phrase jumped out at me in your op I seem to be the outcast as I cannot maintain a romantic relationship

What kind of relationships are you having, generally? Because it sounds like your friends aren't being very nice, and not wanting to have a romantic relationship or finding the right person is not the same as not being able to maintain one. Have you looked to vary your circle? Or had counselling to understand your outlook or help you find where you want to be?

DatingDickheads · 27/06/2021 21:46

Another happily single mum here. I have no intention of getting into a relationship. I’ve realised I’ve only ever been truly happy being single.

DamnUserName21 · 27/06/2021 21:47

Single over 40 here! Very happy. No interest in a LTR but wouldn't mind an FWB. Grin
Love the independence, my own money, and raising my child solo without interference or hindrance.
I recommend it--I feel most women (not all!) with or without children would probably thrive being single. But own liveable income is key here too.
I don't get the 'better than being single' attitude, tbh, but hey ho, different strokes for different folks.
Besides, reading relationship posts on Mumsnet just reinforces that singlehood is the right approach for me!!

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 27/06/2021 21:52

I'm 43 and have been single for 3 years and I'm happy with that.

Original poster
Nopenevergoingtohappen · 27/06/2021 21:55

Great answer, and I'm definitely not saying that being single is better. It is just interesting to understand other mothers views on the issue. Different strokes for different folks x

OP posts:
Mrscutesmummy · 27/06/2021 21:56

I'm 39 but also a single mum and very happy with no relationship. It's just much much simpler and I'm so much happier. If people want to think I'm tragic they can crack on. I'm very happy as I am Grin

Plantpot75 · 27/06/2021 21:59

I’m 46 with a nearly 8 year old and have been single since pregnancy. I am very happy raising my child on my own. Your question has made me think, as up to one month ago I would have wholeheartedly said I did not want another relationship. But just recently I have been thinking it would be nice to be with someone. I can’t bear the thought of dating though, that puts me right off. I just want the end result of being in a settled relationship! Being over 40 and single though is far from tragic. Tragic is being in an up happy relationship and feeling trapped.

Menora · 27/06/2021 22:03

I am 40 now and single for many years but I do have a boyfriend of a year now. Do not live together, parent separately and not trying to mesh our families together. We were friends first before romantic and I had a lot of counselling to understand why I felt the way I did. If you can afford low cost local MIND type counselling then you should do it. It will help you find peace with your life

newnortherner111 · 27/06/2021 22:10

Come and ask Carrie Johnson in a few years time, as I will not be surprised if that is the case. Or at least two other women who have borne Boris Johnson's children.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/06/2021 22:23

yep single since early forties, a decade now. great. better than living with the ex. we parent reasonably well together.

you can be perfaectly happy and fullfilled as a single person or single parent. you don't need a partner to be a complete person. Society seems to portray that but learn it early and you will be liberated...

there's nowt wrong with being married/in a relationship as long as the relationship is right for you (and them) . being in a relationship just because society thinks you should be is silly, but easily done because of all the happy ever after films/books sm etc. I did not leave as soon as I should have because of that pressure. didn't want to feel I "failed"

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