Single mothers over 40

[Nopenevergoingtohappen]

Do any single parents over 40 feel happy being single? I would love to hear from fellow singletons. I really love not answering to anyone and enjoying my kids as they grow up. I struggle with why society expects that if you are not in a relationship then you should seek one. So many friends are miserable with selfish partners, yet I seem to be the outcast as I cannot maintain a romantic relationship. Is being a single mother in your 40's as tragic as certain people seem to class it as?

I am content with being on my own, last relationship I ended many years ago every thing about them irritated me. They more needy than my kids but also wanted me to be damsel in distress they could rescue, final straw came after they split coffee over patio just painted and dirty plate left on floor.

My family haven’t problem with it but friends one in particular needs to set me up with someone. It’s more there issue the thought of being alone scares them.

Kids getting older and am looking forward to when they move out.

I'm a single mum over 40. I love it.

I can help my ds with his homework, I can cook healthy food. We can cycle together and browse bookshops. I don't have to worry about organising a dp, or finding things that both ds & a dp want to do. There's just no pressure. No moaning. Such a relief

I've been single for 2 years now and am planning on staying single for the sake of my children, too many risks in step parenting. Life is easier being single for me. DC are 8 and 10. Can't imagine it any other way. It's hard sometimes accepting I'll never have sex again, but it's a small price to pay for my children's happiness.

I'm 37 so don't quite meet your criteria, but I've been a single mum of 3 kiddos for the last 7 years. It's wonderful. No part of me misses being in a relationship or wants another.

@mrspainful

I've been single for 2 years now and am planning on staying single for the sake of my children, too many risks in step parenting. Life is easier being single for me. DC are 8 and 10. Can't imagine it any other way. It's hard sometimes accepting I'll never have sex again, but it's a small price to pay for my children's happiness.

Not ever having sex again seems extreme, if you miss it? Your children won't be at home forever, and for that matter you don't have to be in a committed relationship - harder if you have sole residency, but again as kids get older things can change on this front.

Agree with you on the risks of step parenting, that's in my mind too. I know of one really well blended family, but even that has challenges, and most just seem really hard for at least one of the children.

I am way past 40. I really cannot think of any advantages to getting bogged down with some bloke. Most of them are projects and I have no tolerance for their foolishness lol. The rest who are normal I just dont fancy. Single is good. People dont know what they are missing!

I'm over 40 and have been single forever

DC and I do what we want, when we want

I do miss having another adult to share the load and even for a cuddle

I'm resigned to never having that and once reconciled with that fact, I've been a bit happier with being on my own

@Jabba2020

Single mum over 40, Nothing could convince me to have a man in my life again, I have enough children as it is.

This. I’m 34 and have been single since I was 28 No thanks.

However I would LOVE to live in a big house with another permanently single Mum.

42 with a 9 year old daughter. Been single since she was 2. My place, my things, my schedule, no arguments - fantastic. Every now and then I see a happy couple and get a bit wistful, but I don't want to spend two more years on a man trying to save a relationship. If it hasn't happened by now then I'm fine being single. The most I would do at this point is if I happen to meet someone I will get what I can out of it but not share my home or finances. I like the control.

I'm mid 30s, single, and a parent. I really doubt I'll ever want another relationship. I'm happy in my life. I do what I want, and only have to take my and my children's needs into consideration.

I wish more people realised you can be happy and fulfilled and single. Yes, it's nice to have a partner, but it isn't necessary or even desirable for everyone.

I'm 40 and am very happily single. My son is 8 and I've been single for over 10 years now. I'm very happy with my own company and can't imagine having to share my life and home with anyone (other than my DS!).

Very happily single and no plans to ever be anything else. I know there are a few decent men left out there but the time you need to invest to find them in amongst the substandard ones is too much and my time and effort is better spent elsewhere.

I was divorced many years ago and subsequently in a relationship for a number of years.

Bluntly? The relationship was hard work, due to a number of factors. But what I think it really boils down to? How damaged people are once they are a certain age/ how they’ve processed the painful events in their lives. Damaged people damage people.

There are a lot of damaged men (IME). Projects as a PP stated. I completely agree. Either they’re whining about the EXW and/ or obsessed with the kids. Their mental health is screwed and as a result the new partner ends up trying to manage/ help/ fix another grown adult vs. getting their own needs met. Also a lot of men want to move into very committed relationships very quickly (well certainly vs what I would want to do).

I’ve had a few men show interest in me in the past year or so. Here’s a summary.
All were going through divorces (or claiming to) and I told them I would not even entertain any talk of a relationship until their divorces were concluded. I don’t want or need to get enmeshed in someone else’s emotional / financial issues. So I agreed to be friends and see how things went.

One friends divorce is just about concluded and all he has been able to talk (rant) about is the split/ what is exwife is doing/ his kids. I have zero interest in picking up anything romantic with him as a result.

One is midst divorce and all I can conclude is he was expecting something (despite my saying not until you’re divorced) as he recently absolutely came at me double barrel lees Nothing to do with me, everything to do with that fact that he’s finding his divorce isolating and difficult/ stressful (get a therapist).

The final one told me he’s been in a relationship now for a year, conducted largely remotely because of Covid, and he is considering proposing/ a long engagement to give the relationship ‘stability’. The ink is barely dry on his divorce. I just sat and listened.

The women in my circle (like me) who are busy running their homes/ raising their kids seem a lot more content with their lot in life. I have no pressing need to be in a relationship. And like other PP’s have sort of given up on finding anyone while my kids are at home. I just think there are too many men (bluntly) who haven’t worked on themselves and expect the new women in their lives to absorb their pain and meet their needs.

I haven’t got the energy or the capacity to do either.

I'm 57. DD now nearly sixteen.

Yes, I'd like to join this club too.

Despite all the difficulties of pandemic etc I'm happy being single.

this morning I was fantasising ing about marrying myself in a ceremony and celebrating self-love. Some of us have done that
I've had a relationship since divorcing eight years ago, not all of it was crappy, and I'm glad I did have it,

but I'm quite happy using any time I have for me now.

Single father of 2 DC, very sadly widowed, absolutely no interest in a relationship and can't see that changing. Happy isn't quite the right word given the circumstances, but I'm perfectly okay with raising our DC alone and do not want any external influence to affect our family.

40 and single.. and mostly perfectly happy with that situation.

Sure, i do miss having someone sometimes.. but equally, i like my freedom, i like not answering to anyone, and not feeling guilty about having playful flirtation with whoever the fuck i like, when i like.

I'd be happy if i found a companion, but in the terms of a platonic cuddle buddy/friend more than a partner.

I've had a couple of close gay male friends who i have no sexual relationship with, but we're very close and happy to cuddle up and watch films, or go out to dinner and sit holding hands when i have time to be away from my kids (when they're with their dad) and thats quite nice.

I'm 50 and have been a single parent for nearly 5 years. I was a miserable married parent for many years prior to that.

I have had too much to deal with to consider a relationship and I am still relishing my freedom and independence too much to actively seek out anything.

People don't really comment on my relationship status and my friends don't think I'm tragic (at least I hope not).

I would like some romance in the future and if something/someone did come along then I wouldn't push it away.

I'm 45 and been a single mum for 10 years this year. Dont miss some aspects of being with a selfish man but do miss the companionship at times and that I have to do everything. Not looking for anyone as not sure I'd like having to factor in another adult now but do worry about living on a single low income once tax credits stop in a few years as they are like having a second income into the house which another adult would bring.

I am only 35 so not quite in your age range for your question but I have been happily single by choice for 13 years now. I was 22 when my relationship ended and have absolutely no desire whatsoever to ever be in another relationship again. I am constantly told that I am still young and that I will eventually find someone. People don't seem to realise it's not that I struggle to find someone to be with it's the fact that I honestly don't want to be with anyone.

Oh, I do have lots of male friends, some who are just good mates (like brothers), but others who seem to look out for me in a more caring sort of way if that makes sense.

I’m 42 with an 8 year old. I’ve been single for 6 years and I wouldn’t change it for the world. People are obsessed with everyone being in a couple but I see so many friends in relationships that they are unhappy in and I simply don’t want that.

42 and pretty much single since shortly after DS was born and my husband could not cope with my attentions not being solely focussed on him. I love being single. I have found my absolute passions in life in the last few years and just love having a life that's all about my child and the things that make us both happy. Tbh, even my friends who are happy in their marriages really do seem to bring so much more to the table than they take. And I never, ever want that in my life again.

I would only really consider a relationship with someone where we dated but didn't live together or live enmeshed lives. 1. Because I don't want to live with someone and have to prioritise an adult's needs and wants alongside my own and my child's. And 2. Because my DS deserves complete stability in his home life. He already has a nightmare of a father to contend with. I shield him from that and ensure their relationship is as positive as one as is possible now. But when DS is older and XH starts trying to guilt and manipulate him, the main way I can protect my adult DS from him is to ensure that he's a strong, confident adult who is less prone to being manipulated by a narcissist. And I do that by ensuring that he always feels safe and secure in his childhood/teens. I won't risk bringing someone heavily into our lives and potentially destabilising the security I provide him with now.

Also, being single for such a long time has actually opened my eyes to the fact that I have some sexual attraction for some women. It's taken me by surprise as I've always identified as 100% straight but I'm coming to realise that since my teens I've deliberately focussed on my attraction to men and used that to ignore any attraction I had to women. I've recently remembered when I was 15, developing feelings for one of my friends and the relief when I decided that the massive crush I had for years on a guy who lived near me meant I couldn't possibly be gay. I clearly had internalised homophobia pushing me to only indulge in my attractions to men and push down any attraction to women. So it's been extremely liberating to have this time to actually get to know myself so much better.

I am early 40s, single with 2 DC, and happily single. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love not having the emotional turmoil of trying to accomodate a manchild, and feel no desire to look for a partner. I don’t miss companionship as I have great relationships with my parents and a number of friends. Like @mrspainful mentioned, I wouldn’t want a partner because of the risks with step-parenting.

After a formerly utterly miserable marriage and relationship with my DC’s father, I am so grateful to be on my own and happy in my own company. I don’t know of any of my friends feeling sorry for me because I am single. But perhaps they have some compassion due to the extra burdens raising children on your own.

I'm a single parent of teenagers in my 40s and I love being single. I have amazing friends and family (who I don't think see me as tragic!), and a fulfilling career. My teenagers are pretty good company and still happy to holiday with me (although I'm equally happy to go alone or with friends/family).

I wouldn't rule out a relationship in future but can't ever see myself living with someone again, value my independence and not having to consult with someone. I'm probably a fairly selfish creature.

I do enjoy sex but I don't have a problem with casual sex from time to time, have had the occasional FWB or ONS.